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General Parenting
I know I just posted yesterday BUT.......
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 84269" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Hon, guilt is a pre-requisite of parenting any child. No matter what, we lose it at times. The problem is that our children with "special" problems manage to push even more buttons, which means we parents have even more guilt. So, you have the factors of a child + a child who can push more buttons than you thought existed + puberty!!! Nasty, ugly combination at the best of times.</p><p></p><p>There is a semi-simple solution for at least one part of this problem. Since you are so stupid that you can't do her clothes when and how she wants, it is time she started doing her own. My daughter quickly learned to not scream at me about anything she might be capable of doing herself because it quickly went on her list of things to do. Once it became her responsibility, I never did that thing for her again. Ultimately, her list included making lunch, washing her clothes, making sure she wasn't out of hygiene items, vacuuming her room, cleaning her toilet and bathtub. I would show her how to do them once and then it was on her entirely. If she didn't have clean clothes (or if her clothes were all a pale blue because she didn't feel like sorting), not my problem. If she didn't have lunch the next day, not my problem. If she ran out of shampoo because she forgot to tell me she was low and I no longer checked, not my problem.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure there is a solution to getting her to talk to you as if you are a human being worthy of respect. My daughter is just now getting the message that she has to control her mouth if she wants to live in my home. I have the option of making my child move (she's 20). You don't. You could try giving her very specific consequences for her mouth. I tried it with mine at that age. Didn't work in the least.</p><p></p><p>So, don't beat yourself up for losing it. At least you took it out on her clothes, not her. Our kids are pros at making us lose control. This is the only way they have of "winning."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 84269, member: 3626"] Hon, guilt is a pre-requisite of parenting any child. No matter what, we lose it at times. The problem is that our children with "special" problems manage to push even more buttons, which means we parents have even more guilt. So, you have the factors of a child + a child who can push more buttons than you thought existed + puberty!!! Nasty, ugly combination at the best of times. There is a semi-simple solution for at least one part of this problem. Since you are so stupid that you can't do her clothes when and how she wants, it is time she started doing her own. My daughter quickly learned to not scream at me about anything she might be capable of doing herself because it quickly went on her list of things to do. Once it became her responsibility, I never did that thing for her again. Ultimately, her list included making lunch, washing her clothes, making sure she wasn't out of hygiene items, vacuuming her room, cleaning her toilet and bathtub. I would show her how to do them once and then it was on her entirely. If she didn't have clean clothes (or if her clothes were all a pale blue because she didn't feel like sorting), not my problem. If she didn't have lunch the next day, not my problem. If she ran out of shampoo because she forgot to tell me she was low and I no longer checked, not my problem. I'm not sure there is a solution to getting her to talk to you as if you are a human being worthy of respect. My daughter is just now getting the message that she has to control her mouth if she wants to live in my home. I have the option of making my child move (she's 20). You don't. You could try giving her very specific consequences for her mouth. I tried it with mine at that age. Didn't work in the least. So, don't beat yourself up for losing it. At least you took it out on her clothes, not her. Our kids are pros at making us lose control. This is the only way they have of "winning." [/QUOTE]
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