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I know I'm asking for trouble, but...
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 586006" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>He really is very stressed and I certainly wouldn't like to cause him more stress. Work itself wouldn't be too stressful. It would be 'rougher' work and heavy lifting. And father in law is one of those very rare people who don't get upset and irritated even they are building or fixing something (I mean, he is probably only person in planet who doesn't swear and act upset when combine harvester brakes middle of the busiest harvesting time (like they always do) day before weather forecast tells that at least week long rains are starting. I could even let difficult child, when he was still quite young, go and help him with keeping light and handing tools when he was fixing combine even in that kind of situation. I know I would had been berserk, if it was me, but no father in law.) One thing making it less stressful would also be, that work would be done when I or husband are not home. That has been part of the problem now. father in law has time during days, but we are at work. During evenings father in law is busier and it is difficult to find times when we could be working with father in law (and there are quite a lot of stuff you would need two people.) </p><p></p><p>I have made myself more available to help father in law, but I'm not too happy with husband's priorities on this. So it has ended with I and husband trying to do something you need two to do middle of the night so father in law could continue with next step next day alone. And as you probably guessed that causes whole lot of bickering. Neither husband or I have been blessed with father in law's nerves.</p><p></p><p>If we would ask difficult child to help, it certainly would had to be with understanding that he is expected to give just few hours work a day and has every right to occupy couch a lot too. father in law is here usually around six hours a day so just working with father in law and helping him would leave difficult child a lot of time to do other things.</p><p></p><p>Becoming a hermit has always been one of my big worries with difficult child. Social interaction is so difficult for him and he is prone to build up anxiety if he hasn't done something for some time. I see his former school truancy/refusal issues as big red flag for that. Then again when he gets himself moving, he is able to handle even very stressful things with more grace than I could. I mean, he is still young and still things like flight being late and missing the next flight and having to find an alternative, luggage being missing, being alone in the huge airport in the country which language he doesn't speak and all the hotels being full just cause him irritation instead of full-blown anxiety it would cause to many people. With him 'static friction' is always huge while 'kinetic friction' tends to be small. What I do worry is, that just laying on sofa longer periods could cause him to end up in state of 'static friction' and what I do hope is that keeping him slightly moving he stays in the state of 'kinetic friction.' Also his sleep issues are bad enough that unfortunately I don't think his sleep patterns would fix easily if they get even more messed up.</p><p></p><p>The trip with girlfriend will probably consist mostly of rest. Luckily his girlfriend is a tanning type so they will most likely spend a lot of time just laying on the beach. And while tanning part doesn't really work with my pastry white, freckled whelp (whose gma died for skin cancer) he is smart enough to find a good parasol and sun cream with very high protection factor.</p><p></p><p>IC, you are right that it could go better if father in law would be the one to ask him. I will have to talk with husband about this in length and if he is okay with the idea (and also with the part that difficult child would need to have time on the couch too and not be expected to help him and me with reno during evenings) I will talk with father in law about it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 586006, member: 14557"] He really is very stressed and I certainly wouldn't like to cause him more stress. Work itself wouldn't be too stressful. It would be 'rougher' work and heavy lifting. And father in law is one of those very rare people who don't get upset and irritated even they are building or fixing something (I mean, he is probably only person in planet who doesn't swear and act upset when combine harvester brakes middle of the busiest harvesting time (like they always do) day before weather forecast tells that at least week long rains are starting. I could even let difficult child, when he was still quite young, go and help him with keeping light and handing tools when he was fixing combine even in that kind of situation. I know I would had been berserk, if it was me, but no father in law.) One thing making it less stressful would also be, that work would be done when I or husband are not home. That has been part of the problem now. father in law has time during days, but we are at work. During evenings father in law is busier and it is difficult to find times when we could be working with father in law (and there are quite a lot of stuff you would need two people.) I have made myself more available to help father in law, but I'm not too happy with husband's priorities on this. So it has ended with I and husband trying to do something you need two to do middle of the night so father in law could continue with next step next day alone. And as you probably guessed that causes whole lot of bickering. Neither husband or I have been blessed with father in law's nerves. If we would ask difficult child to help, it certainly would had to be with understanding that he is expected to give just few hours work a day and has every right to occupy couch a lot too. father in law is here usually around six hours a day so just working with father in law and helping him would leave difficult child a lot of time to do other things. Becoming a hermit has always been one of my big worries with difficult child. Social interaction is so difficult for him and he is prone to build up anxiety if he hasn't done something for some time. I see his former school truancy/refusal issues as big red flag for that. Then again when he gets himself moving, he is able to handle even very stressful things with more grace than I could. I mean, he is still young and still things like flight being late and missing the next flight and having to find an alternative, luggage being missing, being alone in the huge airport in the country which language he doesn't speak and all the hotels being full just cause him irritation instead of full-blown anxiety it would cause to many people. With him 'static friction' is always huge while 'kinetic friction' tends to be small. What I do worry is, that just laying on sofa longer periods could cause him to end up in state of 'static friction' and what I do hope is that keeping him slightly moving he stays in the state of 'kinetic friction.' Also his sleep issues are bad enough that unfortunately I don't think his sleep patterns would fix easily if they get even more messed up. The trip with girlfriend will probably consist mostly of rest. Luckily his girlfriend is a tanning type so they will most likely spend a lot of time just laying on the beach. And while tanning part doesn't really work with my pastry white, freckled whelp (whose gma died for skin cancer) he is smart enough to find a good parasol and sun cream with very high protection factor. IC, you are right that it could go better if father in law would be the one to ask him. I will have to talk with husband about this in length and if he is okay with the idea (and also with the part that difficult child would need to have time on the couch too and not be expected to help him and me with reno during evenings) I will talk with father in law about it. [/QUOTE]
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