I Let Her Drop Band

[Stella Johnson]

difficult child has begged since the beginning of school to get art class instead of band. She can't do both because her other elective is social skills class in Special Education. She really enjoyed playing the clarinet at home.

She had an aid that went to band with her. The aid is a waste of space. I sat in on 3 band classes this year to see what was going on and if difficult child could handle it. Well, the aid sat in the back of the class doing absolutely nothing. When I asked why her answer was that she doesn't know anything about music.

I've talked to her teachers. They say they will "Discuss" it with the aid. Nothing ever changes.

Main problem is that they don't take the Special Education kids into the halls when classes are changing so they take them afterward. Refuse to do it before. The band class is very fast paces. So by the time difficult child gets to class everyone has their instruments put together, books out, stands put together. difficult child is struggling to get all her stuff ready while the lazy aid sits on her duff doing nothing.

Her Special Education teacher emailed me a few weeks ago wanting a conference with me, the aid, and band teacher. They kept cancelling every time we had a date because somebody couldn't make it.

Well, finally I just called the teacher and asked what she wanted to talk about. she got the band teacher on conference call. There was an upcoming Christmas performance. difficult child was very nervous because she knows she's behind and the other kids are doing better. They wanted to knwo if I would let her drop band. I went ahead and agreed. difficult child has always enjoyed art and no one is willing to make the aid do anything other than take up space.

So now difficult child is in art and the worthless aid goes there too. difficult child doesn't need her much for art at least. I'm seriously thinking about calling another IEP to have her aid changed to someone who can do more than sit on her wide rear twiddling her thumbs.

Other than that difficult child is doing well in school. No major problems. She's so proud to be in middle school.

Her birthday was last month. She's still playing with little kid toys like Littlest Pet Shop etc. I didn't buy her any little kid toys for her birthday. I am trying to wean her off of them. None of her peers her age play with that stuff anymore but all her friends in the neighborhood are younger so they do. I bought her a Nintendo DS Lite and some games hoping it would usher her on to other things. She loves the ds but still wants the little kid toys.

Idiot ex bought her all kinds of little kid junk as usual.

I would really like for her to try to get away from that type of stuff. I know she's emotionally younger than her age. I'm hoping if she can stop playing with little kid stuff she could hopefully make some friends her age. There is one girl in the neighborhood that is one year younger. She plays video games with difficult child but always leaves when difficult child pushes for her to play with the other toys.

Just wanted to give everyone an update on us. I still read the site at least every other day. Just don't post very much. I know, I'm an awful board member.

Steph

 

[gcvmom]

Awful, schmawful. Take that back!

I can appreciate your wanting her to move on to more age-appropriate stuff. But I don't think you can rush this if she's not ready. Perhaps with time, that relationship with the girl a year younger will foster broader interests in your difficult child? My difficult child 2 tends to gravitate towards younger kids, too, so I know how it is to have one that's behind in social skills. And my difficult child 1 is still collecting Yugioh cards and playing Pokemon video games like there's no tomorrow -- and he's 14. I figured he'd be on to more typical teen stuff by now (music, skateboards, girls) but he's not.

As for the art class thing, if that's what really floats her boat, then why not. But I agree that the aide needs to earn her paycheck. Are there specific duties for the aide written in difficult child's IEP? Perhaps that would be the best way to address the role of the aide. I don't have much experience with that, but I've seen some aides at our elementary school that don't look too busy and it bugs me.

And there's not rule about how often you have to post here... so no more beating yourself up over it! Lurk as much as you like. Post as often as you want.

 

[maril]

Good luck with the situation with the aide. I would be discouraged, too.

I was thinking that maybe your daughter may want to go back to playing the clarinet at some point, as you said she really enjoys it at home.

My son has always been behind maturity-wise; that is, specifically, mentally immature. Physically, he matured at the speed of light at a young age (if I remember correctly, around 12 years old) and I really did feel badly for him until he could get adjusted to his "new" body and the changes that came along with puberty.

When you spoke of your daughter choosing to keep her toys, it reminded me of my son, also, when he was younger; he hung onto his toys longer than some other kids his age, too. Sometimes I wish he was still that happy-go-lucky kid riding his bike with his buddies, playing PS II (well, still does do that sometimes), and riding around on his skateboard. At least it was a safer and more settled time for all of us.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thanks, Steph.

That sounds a lot like my son's guitar class, which I posted about last month. Only one kid is left in class. No Christmas performance there!

That aide does sound like a waste of space. And air. How infuriating!

 

[Stella Johnson]

gcvmom,
I know I can't change her interests over night. I was sort of hoping I could replace some of them with the ds. She had always wanted a video game system. I had always refused because I wanted her out playing and being active rather than glued to the tv. So there's obviously a down side to the DS too.
Hopefully this other girl will hang out for a while and not get tired of difficult child's immaturity. I think she could be a good influence on difficult child's maturity. She is a good kid and always very respectful.

I think I will have them put something specific in the IEP about the duties of the aid who doesn't seem to think she has to do anything.

Marilynne,
My difficult child has physically matured at the speed of light too. She is well developed and very tall for her age. She's about 5'7" now and wearing a half size bigger than me in shoes.

I might try private lessons for the clarinet later. She did seem to enjoy it even though she wasn't progressing as fast as the other kids. I never expected her to really. I know it takes her longer to learn anything.

TerryJ2,
Sorry to hear there is no Christmas performance for his guitar class. That's too bad. I think I missed your post. I'll go look for it now.

Steph

 

[BusynMember]

I played with dolls until I was 13. I wasn't interested in or ready for rock n roll, boys, makeup, or whatever some of the other kids did. I was developing slower emotionally and physically and nothing could have rushed that. I did know enough not to play with dolls in front of my few friends I had, BUT I wasn't sophisticated or mature and never had a lot of friends (nor did I want a lot of friends). I didn't have good social skills--I do not know if that was due to having a mood disorder or having a lot of neurological problems (a non-verbal learning disability is almost like Aspergers). Is her only diagnosis a seizure disorder? Has she ever seen a neuropsychologist?
I'm more concerned about whether she is getting the right interventions than if she is in band or even about the aids (Aids don't have a lot of training. My sister is an aid and she never took any education courses. My best friend is an aid and she never even went to college. A good aid is a gift--my son had one). I think finding out what is actually wrong with your child will help you get interventions and the right kind of help so that these frustrating things don't happen (at least not as often).

 

[Stella Johnson]

Midwestmom,
She's had a neuro psychiatric among every other type of evaluation known to man.
I know aids aren't necassarily trained but still no excuse for that woman's laziness. She had a wonderful aid for most of Elementary school.

Steph

 

[BusynMember]

Oh, agree the aid is lazy and there's no excuse. I was lucky with my son. He had a great aid. Unfortunately, they are hit or miss. I have found out from my inside sources that often the Special Education teachers make the aids do everything, even though they haven't the training, so that the teachers can take it easy. My sister and my friend both have the same exact complaint. However, when the parents are around the teachers get very serious and involved and like to take the credit for the progress of the kids. THAT frustrated me because I think that my son's aide probably did more for him than his Special Education teacher too. You may want to check into that too. And I agree you should get a more motivated aide. Even without a high education, they can REALLY help your child. Or not help him/her. Good luck!