Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I lost control :(
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 197984" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Gee, the one time I lost control, I shoved and slapped my daughter. I think I have almost forgiven myself and it's been over 5 years since I did that. Getting angry and calling her a name or two is not losing control. It is getting angry for some very good reasons.</p><p> </p><p>I am wondering why you're bothering with the lectures. They set her off and end up hurting you. At 17, there's really little you can do unless you can get her locked up for a crime, which I doubt is something you want to do. </p><p> </p><p>For now, the only thing you can do is make her life miserable. Legally, you owe her shelter, food, clothing. Nothing says she has to have a room with nice stuff -- a mattress with a blanket and pillow work and a working light. Food doesn't have to be yummy -- plain rice, some fruit or veggie and some sort of protein and vitamin supplement is okay, too. Clothes from Goodwill are just fine. She's using the phone to plan how to make money so she can leave? She doesn't need a phone. She doesn't need a computer. She certainly doesn't need music or television. </p><p> </p><p>Is she going to leave if you take all of this away from her? Probably. But the reality is she's probably going to leave anyway. If she miraculously stays, then you have a fighting chance to save her from herself. It means part of her knows she's making dumb choices and is asking for you to stop her. I doubt that's the case here, but there's always a chance.</p><p> </p><p>If she leaves, let her go but let her know your home and your heart are open to her, that she can come home if she follows the rules of the house. Sometimes our kids have to learn just how hard life is. Nothing we say makes a difference. This was certainly true for my daughter. She left home a few times and came crawling back, followed the rules for a few months and then went back to old ways. The last time she left, it was because I told her it was time. I gave her time to find a roommate and save the money for deposits on an apartment. They struggle month to month to pay the rent but they're surviving. It's not the life I wanted for her but it's not a bad life, either.</p><p> </p><p>So, quit beating yourself up. Your daughter is old enough to take responsibility for her actions regardless of her Dxes. She's at the point where there's little you can do other than let her know you love her and will be there when she needs you and is ready to be a part of the family, not just someone who sleeps there when it is convenient.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 197984, member: 3626"] Gee, the one time I lost control, I shoved and slapped my daughter. I think I have almost forgiven myself and it's been over 5 years since I did that. Getting angry and calling her a name or two is not losing control. It is getting angry for some very good reasons. I am wondering why you're bothering with the lectures. They set her off and end up hurting you. At 17, there's really little you can do unless you can get her locked up for a crime, which I doubt is something you want to do. For now, the only thing you can do is make her life miserable. Legally, you owe her shelter, food, clothing. Nothing says she has to have a room with nice stuff -- a mattress with a blanket and pillow work and a working light. Food doesn't have to be yummy -- plain rice, some fruit or veggie and some sort of protein and vitamin supplement is okay, too. Clothes from Goodwill are just fine. She's using the phone to plan how to make money so she can leave? She doesn't need a phone. She doesn't need a computer. She certainly doesn't need music or television. Is she going to leave if you take all of this away from her? Probably. But the reality is she's probably going to leave anyway. If she miraculously stays, then you have a fighting chance to save her from herself. It means part of her knows she's making dumb choices and is asking for you to stop her. I doubt that's the case here, but there's always a chance. If she leaves, let her go but let her know your home and your heart are open to her, that she can come home if she follows the rules of the house. Sometimes our kids have to learn just how hard life is. Nothing we say makes a difference. This was certainly true for my daughter. She left home a few times and came crawling back, followed the rules for a few months and then went back to old ways. The last time she left, it was because I told her it was time. I gave her time to find a roommate and save the money for deposits on an apartment. They struggle month to month to pay the rent but they're surviving. It's not the life I wanted for her but it's not a bad life, either. So, quit beating yourself up. Your daughter is old enough to take responsibility for her actions regardless of her Dxes. She's at the point where there's little you can do other than let her know you love her and will be there when she needs you and is ready to be a part of the family, not just someone who sleeps there when it is convenient. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I lost control :(
Top