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I lost my temper with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 61416" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My very loving easy child 11 year old daughter dies of embarrassment if I hug her in public. She would much rather be with her friends than with me. I force "mom/daughter" time and she does like it, but she'd much rather be with her friends. It doesn't make me mad. It's the age. I don't think it's abnormal, especially for a boy, to pull away from his parents at age twelve. I've raised three boys past age twelve. I can't remember walking in the malls with them at that age. NONE of my kids would have been happy about going to dad's party over seeing his/her friends. They would have done it, but would have been watching the clock. in my opinion it's the age. I wouldn't take it personally. </p><p></p><p>I do agree with positive talk. "You're a good person and frankly I don't think you should allow your friends to take advantage of that and walk all over you."</p><p></p><p>For your own sake, I'd relax my expectations. It's not even detaching. It's realizing that he's a teenager now (almost) and he's got a different personality than easy child, who DOES seem very unusual, and that he won't always tell you the truth and isn't going to crave being with his parents, especially mom. Dad is more fun--sports and stuff--but he's still not #1 on the "who I want to be with"--not at your son's age. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if you're over-reacting or not because I'm not there, but maybe you should get into counseling to help yourself not react so much to this child. It's hurting your mental health and in my opinion not helping the child. I think you are expecting this child to want to be at home...I'm not surprised, nor would I be outraged, at my daughter if she tried to sneak a sleepover in on my birthday. I'd expect it. I may say "no" but it wouldn't make me mad. It's normal! I've even told my PCs to have a friend over for my own or hub's birthday to make my kids happier about being here--not recommending that, but it's always worked out well for us, and I'm on great terms with all of my kid's friends--they're just extended family anways...lol. Take it easy--you deserve a break, don't beat yourself up and maybe don't expect so much from a difficult pre-teen. Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 61416, member: 1550"] My very loving easy child 11 year old daughter dies of embarrassment if I hug her in public. She would much rather be with her friends than with me. I force "mom/daughter" time and she does like it, but she'd much rather be with her friends. It doesn't make me mad. It's the age. I don't think it's abnormal, especially for a boy, to pull away from his parents at age twelve. I've raised three boys past age twelve. I can't remember walking in the malls with them at that age. NONE of my kids would have been happy about going to dad's party over seeing his/her friends. They would have done it, but would have been watching the clock. in my opinion it's the age. I wouldn't take it personally. I do agree with positive talk. "You're a good person and frankly I don't think you should allow your friends to take advantage of that and walk all over you." For your own sake, I'd relax my expectations. It's not even detaching. It's realizing that he's a teenager now (almost) and he's got a different personality than easy child, who DOES seem very unusual, and that he won't always tell you the truth and isn't going to crave being with his parents, especially mom. Dad is more fun--sports and stuff--but he's still not #1 on the "who I want to be with"--not at your son's age. I don't know if you're over-reacting or not because I'm not there, but maybe you should get into counseling to help yourself not react so much to this child. It's hurting your mental health and in my opinion not helping the child. I think you are expecting this child to want to be at home...I'm not surprised, nor would I be outraged, at my daughter if she tried to sneak a sleepover in on my birthday. I'd expect it. I may say "no" but it wouldn't make me mad. It's normal! I've even told my PCs to have a friend over for my own or hub's birthday to make my kids happier about being here--not recommending that, but it's always worked out well for us, and I'm on great terms with all of my kid's friends--they're just extended family anways...lol. Take it easy--you deserve a break, don't beat yourself up and maybe don't expect so much from a difficult pre-teen. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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