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I love my difficult child..
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 286777" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Your love for your difficult child is what is making this so hard. You feel betrayed and want the person you know he can be to come out. You see the hopes and dreams you had for him as a child. If only ........ And you continue to grab those disappearing hopes.He has taken those things and thrown them back at you stating they are not good enough for him.</p><p> </p><p>You have loved him so much that he has picked up on the sacrifices you have made and turned it into entitlement for him to treat you as his personal servant. He did not see that you did these things out of love but thinks that you did them because he deserves them. </p><p> </p><p>You need to commit to not allowing him to treat you like he does. Would you allow anyone else to call you names or yell at you? When he starts this behavior, have something to focus on. Sometimes when you say something to him such as, "I do not deserve to be treated like this!" it is more for yourself to hear than for him to understand. It is your anchor until you can get away from him. You have to say it enough focusing on yourself and some day he may start to hear it. Then, the next time he calls for "help" say, "I do not feel like being the focus of your disrespect today. Find some way to get there on your own. Walk, ride bike, call a cab, whatever, but I have decided not to listen to your anger today." When he starts whining, "I am not going to listen to your whines call me back when you can speak respectfully." and then hang up. </p><p> </p><p>You need to set your boundaries and make them very very clear. Let him know why you do not want to talk to him or take him places. It comes down to 1. You love him too much to help him destroy his life. 2. He is an adult now who MUST grow up and take on responsibility. 3. You will no longer let nasty name calling be part of your day.</p><p> </p><p>Remember, you are now at the point that ANY ride you give to him IS enabling this life style he has chosen. And, every ride that doesn't go his way (probably every ride) will end in his disrespecting you because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions so why bother trying?</p><p> </p><p>You are not going to be able to help him until he is at the point that things do not have to go his way all the time. He needs to learn to work around situations and not loose it when his plans don't go 100% as he wants them to. Nothing goes as planned when you want a drug to make you feel good.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 286777, member: 5096"] Your love for your difficult child is what is making this so hard. You feel betrayed and want the person you know he can be to come out. You see the hopes and dreams you had for him as a child. If only ........ And you continue to grab those disappearing hopes.He has taken those things and thrown them back at you stating they are not good enough for him. You have loved him so much that he has picked up on the sacrifices you have made and turned it into entitlement for him to treat you as his personal servant. He did not see that you did these things out of love but thinks that you did them because he deserves them. You need to commit to not allowing him to treat you like he does. Would you allow anyone else to call you names or yell at you? When he starts this behavior, have something to focus on. Sometimes when you say something to him such as, "I do not deserve to be treated like this!" it is more for yourself to hear than for him to understand. It is your anchor until you can get away from him. You have to say it enough focusing on yourself and some day he may start to hear it. Then, the next time he calls for "help" say, "I do not feel like being the focus of your disrespect today. Find some way to get there on your own. Walk, ride bike, call a cab, whatever, but I have decided not to listen to your anger today." When he starts whining, "I am not going to listen to your whines call me back when you can speak respectfully." and then hang up. You need to set your boundaries and make them very very clear. Let him know why you do not want to talk to him or take him places. It comes down to 1. You love him too much to help him destroy his life. 2. He is an adult now who MUST grow up and take on responsibility. 3. You will no longer let nasty name calling be part of your day. Remember, you are now at the point that ANY ride you give to him IS enabling this life style he has chosen. And, every ride that doesn't go his way (probably every ride) will end in his disrespecting you because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions so why bother trying? You are not going to be able to help him until he is at the point that things do not have to go his way all the time. He needs to learn to work around situations and not loose it when his plans don't go 100% as he wants them to. Nothing goes as planned when you want a drug to make you feel good. [/QUOTE]
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