I' m having a meltdown!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sunny70, Mar 13, 2007.

  1. sunny70

    sunny70 New Member

    I can't live this way anymore. My 11 year old just had a meltdown. He hasn't had fits like this in over 3 years. I just wanted to spank the ____ out of him. Instead I took away the TV, comp. and playstation for an extra day. Yesterday the principal called me to come pick him up from school because he was being disrespectful. The school isn't working with me, I don't know if his medications are not working, he is playing me or I am just having a nervous breakdown. HELP
     
  2. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    if the medications are not helping, then taking away those things might not help, either. I do not know his diagnosis, what medications he is on etc.
    I know many here will not agree with me, but, when I had problems with medications not working, sometimes I did not bother to pull priveleges etc becuz it did not sink in in my kids mind WHY I was doing so anyway and pullinbg those things just escalated things even more.
     
  3. oceans

    oceans New Member

    I guess I would be wondering why he had a meltdown? What started it, and was there a way to handle the situation differently to have prevented it from happening.

    If it is true that the school is not working with you, I would get an advocate and call an IEP meeting. If there is not IEP, I would start the process by requesting an evaluation.

    Could an appointment be made for a medication check?

    What could be more beneficial to you right now? Perhaps instead of a meltdown you could spend time with friends, or do something in your own support. Are there supportive groups and people in place for you?

    I know it is not easy, and in fact very stressful. I am sorry that you are going through this right now...
     
  4. sunny70

    sunny70 New Member

    My son is ADHD with a history of ODD. He takes an extended Ritalin in the am a shorter acting in the afternoon and clonidine am and pm. I just requested an IEP. I never new I could. The problem is he is in the 6th grade. He reads at a 10th grade level, writes at a 9th grade level and everyone at the school says, He doesn't have ADHD or ODD. He is just lazy. He could be a straight A student if he tried and the list goes on. I know my child. He is struggling, not just with school but with life.
     
  5. oceans

    oceans New Member

    Mine had an ADD/depression diagnoses in the beginning. He has a very high IQ and very bright, but he could not do his work. He tried stimulants and anti depressants for years and none of them helped. I did get him an IEP. I fought the school for one for an entire year and finally got it. I had to bring in difficult child's psychiatrist to help with the fight. They were saying the same thing....that he just did not want to do the work. They did not want to give him an IEP. We got him one anyway. If there are behavior issues you can get one for that. Mine needed a behavioral plan and FBA. We did get him in under OHI-ADD though. We fought for that too.

    It was years and many medication trials before we found something that actually helped him. He still does not have a diagnoses except for the Major depressive disorder....but the depression and ODD behaviors are gone now. We still need to get him another evaluation.

    It turns out that the reason he did not do his work was because he was getting sensory overload at school and had racing and flooding thoughts. His thoughts were also opposing each other.

    I don't know why yours does not do his work, but there might be a reason that you don't know about yet. Mine was finally able to tell us what was wrong when his depression finally lifted, but we had years of not knowing what was going on...
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sunny, I'm so sorry things are rough now. First of all, I strongly suggest seeing somebody for yourself. You don't have to live that way and if you feel better, you'll handle your child better. Secondly a diagnosis. of ADHD/ODD is often the first diagnosis before something else is diagnosed, often mood disorders.Ritalin wouldn't help that. No stims would. In fact, he could get worse, with all the ups and downs, and the stimulant effect. I would seek a re-evaluation by a Child Psychiatrist (with the MD) to assess the diagnosis and the medications. It's just my mom gut, but it sounds like more than ADHD/ODD to me. Any mood disorders or substance abuse ont he family tree on either side? If so, those are big red flags. If he's as smart as he sounds, I'd want him also assessed for Aspergers and you'd need a neuropsychologist for that. How are his social skills?Does he have friends? Does he understand social norms and rules? Good luck

    http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You don't have to live that way and if you feel better, you'll handle your child better.

    Absolutely.

    And I agree with-others here... I can't add much, except support.
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    How's it going?
     
  9. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Welcome Sunny, Been there today, too. It was pretty miserable. Hope things are better today.
     
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'm with dreamer, if the kid can't control his actions then punishment isn't going to help, it will only make things worse. Natural consequences - now that's different. "You got angry and ripped the library book, now you have to pay to replace it." But we should never be in the position of "doing things to" our child. They will resent it because they see us as in control of the punishment, rather than circumstances and consequences in control.

    He's a bright kid, frustrated with a school who clearly doesn't want to understand. I could shake them, sometimes! Schools like this make me so angry!

    He needs you to support him and guide him. Yes, he's going to rage at you sometimes, but a lot of the time it's because he's frustrated and he has to tell SOMEBODY. Don't punish him for communicating this with you. Only punish for things you know he can control, and could have controlled. Otherwise the punishment will lead to more behaviour problems, more punishment, more problems and so on into a downward spiral. Instead, show him you can ignore the occasional dropping of his bundle, to help him learn by your example and your understanding that there is a better way.

    But with the school so unsupportive, you have a big job on your hands.

    Marg
     
  11. givnmegryhr

    givnmegryhr New Member

    I third what dreamer said. Who diagnosed his ADHD? Was it a child psychiatrist? and how could the school say he doesn't have it , if they have never done an evaluation? He could be highfunctioning. Alot of kids with disorders are very bright ,even gifted. That doesn't mean they don't have disorders. I would think teachers would know this . So many great minds had bipolar disorder. Which brings me to my next question. Does the Ritalin help or does it seem to hype him up even more? I hope you find help and answers. I know how frustrating it is.
     
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