That was just one of the wonderful things my older son said to me. I have a hard time with calling him easy child at this time. Friday I was sharing with him the diagnosis's the therapist told me as well as some other things therapist said. Son - he doesn't believe in immunizations or medications. Says that is why kids are so sick because they all take so many drugs. Anyway fast forward to Friday. Son tells me there is no such thing as "Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)" or "ADHD" or any of those things. Because HE can't SEE it. AND it is just a "cop out" for dealing with the world. AND I MADE difficult child the way he is. Because I yell and scream at him (homework ends up like this), because difficult child always got/gets to do whatever he wanted/wants, because I talk to teachers and school, because he goes to this school and he should have to go to the district school like easy child had to. He said I shouldn't be speaking to school. no phone calls, no visits and no emails. I tried to explain that they EMAIL me. Son told me to ignore it and delete it. Not to read it. Regardless of the many reasons older son listed, Bottom line is I made difficult child the way he is. There is nothing wrong with him, only that I raised him wrong. He(easy child) wasn't raised that way. I told him I TRY. If he knows of a way to "make" difficult child do something LET ME KNOW. He said husband talks to him. (that's nice, he doesn't talk to me) He said I wasn't always like this. WHAT is it I want. That I am all alone dealing with school, bills, doctors..etc not to mention work. And again nobody gets it. That when they are asleep I AM NOT. If you want to meet with me How about between 1 - 3am? I'll take my lunch. He said he has only $9, how can HE help. I told him it doesn't cost any money to pick up your clothes and garbage off the floor, load/unload dishwasher, help around the house. He told me he WILL NOT work 3rd shift. Like I LIKE my hours. I told him sometimes you do what you have to do. This conversation turned nasty. Older son told me I "F'd up his life". One example was when he was in middle school something had happened and I told him I would die if anything ever happened to him. THAT "f'd him up" He said he was afraid to do anything because he was afraid if he did I would die. I told him I was just letting him know how much he meant to me. So, he went on with many more examples of how I "F'd up his life" and I "F'd up difficult child's life". I am a horrible mother and pretty much failed. I went to my room and hid under my covers and just cried. He opened the door several times to add more to his failure list. I thought when husband got home from work he would come in and see why I was in there. He never opened the door. Never checked on me. Never asked why I was in bed at 3:30pm on a non work day. Never asked what the doctors said. Older son and him talked, so I am sure older son has a different story. Older son's girlfriend broke up with him this past week. I DO understand the hurt. I understand the frustration and not having a job and self esteem. I really do. He would never think so though. But I am his mother. I did the best I can. Apparently I am even more of a failure than I can describe. I am so hurt and so depressed. The people in my life that I would do anything for, my kids. And I am who "f'd up their life". I have to stay in my room. He is in the living room. All I can think of is...well I can't even think. I failed at the most important job in my life. Only I didn't realize it. I worked so hard at it. And I caused so much pain for everyone. I now have to live the rest of my life knowing what I did to my kids. The pain is unbearable.