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The Watercooler
I made difficult child the way he is
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 254597" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Kjs,</p><p>I agree with Crazymama30 and Wiped Out that you need to talk to your therapist about how to deal with all of the negativity coming your way.</p><p></p><p>You know the expression, <em>When you find yourself in a deep hole, the first thing you need to do is stop digging</em>. You need to take that attitude when dealing with your H, and your 2 sons.</p><p></p><p>If someone is cruel and abusive toward you, and you crawl back to them and say "please love me, why don't you love me?" It teaches them that they can treat you horribly, and that you will put up with it and never leave. They will never change their behaviour toward you until you change your behaviour toward yourself.</p><p></p><p>You need to stop trying to pull affection from them. Walk away from them, even if it's only for an hour to catch your breath. When they see that they can't treat you that way without consequences, then they WILL change the way they treat you.</p><p></p><p>The key is: don't beg for their love. It gives them an excuse to withhold it and treat you with contempt. That's unacceptable. You do not deserve to be treated that way, and the only way it's going to change is if you refuse to continue being treated that way.</p><p></p><p>Yelling won't work. Telling them how much you hurt won't work. Begging them to be nicer to you won't work. The only thing that will work is to stop letting them get away with it. The next time your son starts in, calmly say, "I will not allow you to treat me with disrespect" and then leave. If he follows, leave the house, get in your car and drive away.</p><p></p><p>Let them fend for themselves. You need to fend for you.</p><p></p><p>Kjs, it tears me up to see them treating you this way. But the only thing you have control over in the situation is your reaction to it. What you've been doing so far hasn't worked. So you need to change what you're doing.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 254597, member: 3907"] Kjs, I agree with Crazymama30 and Wiped Out that you need to talk to your therapist about how to deal with all of the negativity coming your way. You know the expression, [I]When you find yourself in a deep hole, the first thing you need to do is stop digging[/I]. You need to take that attitude when dealing with your H, and your 2 sons. If someone is cruel and abusive toward you, and you crawl back to them and say "please love me, why don't you love me?" It teaches them that they can treat you horribly, and that you will put up with it and never leave. They will never change their behaviour toward you until you change your behaviour toward yourself. You need to stop trying to pull affection from them. Walk away from them, even if it's only for an hour to catch your breath. When they see that they can't treat you that way without consequences, then they WILL change the way they treat you. The key is: don't beg for their love. It gives them an excuse to withhold it and treat you with contempt. That's unacceptable. You do not deserve to be treated that way, and the only way it's going to change is if you refuse to continue being treated that way. Yelling won't work. Telling them how much you hurt won't work. Begging them to be nicer to you won't work. The only thing that will work is to stop letting them get away with it. The next time your son starts in, calmly say, "I will not allow you to treat me with disrespect" and then leave. If he follows, leave the house, get in your car and drive away. Let them fend for themselves. You need to fend for you. Kjs, it tears me up to see them treating you this way. But the only thing you have control over in the situation is your reaction to it. What you've been doing so far hasn't worked. So you need to change what you're doing. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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