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I made difficult child the way he is
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 254677"><p>I'm a little confused. Did your 26 year old accuse you of messing up his life and that of your son's? Excuse me. If this is the case, then what is wrong with this picture? First of all, what is going in his life right this second? How productive is he? Is he living in your home? Is he working? You might consider going to the PE Forum. I posted about a book I saw...great stuff for parents of older "children."</p><p> </p><p>More questions to ponder: Did he get his health taken care of when he was a child? Did he get an education? Did he get fed? Why is he overly concerned about things you may or may not have done in the past? Is this not ancient history? Is he not over the age of 18? Indeed, is he not over the age of 21? Would he like to blame you for everything that goes wrong in his life from now until his old age? Can you get credit for things that go right? When will it end?<em> <strong>How about years ago.</strong></em></p><p> </p><p>As for your other son...well, ADHD really does exist. WE know that certain medications, vitamins and behavioral therapies are helpful. If your older son doesn't like it...well that's unfortunate.</p><p> </p><p>If you did something you wish you did not do at some point, you might apologize. But that's about it. Surely, you did many good things too. It's not all black and white. It sounds like your son is only remembering what he wishes to remember. Some baggage that serves him. Why? Not sure. Perhaps because he doesn't wish to go forward in his life for whatever reason. <strong>IT is easier to blame mom then to do what he needs to do.</strong></p><p> </p><p>Listen....you don't need to be the doormat. You don't need to live your life in a bedroom. You don't need to be the recipient of someone elses GARBAGE. You are hiding in shame, over what? Do you think your son is innocent of all wrong doing? Do you think other moms are perfect and have no concerns?</p><p> </p><p>Wipe the dirt that your son has thrown on you OFF. Understand that everyone messes up at times...so be it. Refuse to question your decisions re: your other son. You are the adult and the mother. He is acting like a child. You can listen to another person's viewpoint...but you don't have to be the recipient of someone's advice when they are being childish, meanspirited and make you feel badly about yourself.</p><p> </p><p>It's a little weird when that person is your own son...but so be it. Actually...it'll be a lesson for the guy. It's the motherly thing to do.</p><p>It ain't nice being a bully and it backfires on the one doing the bullying anyway...he is hiding like a child.</p><p> </p><p>Clean your mind from this GARBAGE. Understand that your easy child has his own issues. You can not create ADHD. YOu can only help your younger son grow up to be an independent, capable, productive and happy individual. </p><p> </p><p>When you poison your mind with this garbage...it leads to less productivity...poor choicess...little or no action...really messes things up. You wont be able to do as much. You wont be able to be as happy. It all starts with thoughts that are not right. Don't let your son put garage in there.</p><p> </p><p>You are entitled to <strong>happiness</strong>. I read quickly..but I believe I read where you are going to a therapist. Does he or she know about this stuff going on? Additionally, if your husband doesn't wish to be more communicative or helpful...would he consider couples counseling? Does your therapist know of someone you could go to?</p><p> </p><p>by the way...love the other posters idea about readinag <u>Co Dependent No More.</u> I would get this book and get it soon!</p><p> </p><p>Know that you are a good mother and can walk around in any #$@! room in the house that you want to!</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, if you put your foot down, refuse to let easy child sling #$@! into your brain and do the footwork surely you are willing to do...my guess is that you will feel ALOT better!!!! Wishing you well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 254677"] I'm a little confused. Did your 26 year old accuse you of messing up his life and that of your son's? Excuse me. If this is the case, then what is wrong with this picture? First of all, what is going in his life right this second? How productive is he? Is he living in your home? Is he working? You might consider going to the PE Forum. I posted about a book I saw...great stuff for parents of older "children." More questions to ponder: Did he get his health taken care of when he was a child? Did he get an education? Did he get fed? Why is he overly concerned about things you may or may not have done in the past? Is this not ancient history? Is he not over the age of 18? Indeed, is he not over the age of 21? Would he like to blame you for everything that goes wrong in his life from now until his old age? Can you get credit for things that go right? When will it end?[I] [B]How about years ago.[/B][/I] As for your other son...well, ADHD really does exist. WE know that certain medications, vitamins and behavioral therapies are helpful. If your older son doesn't like it...well that's unfortunate. If you did something you wish you did not do at some point, you might apologize. But that's about it. Surely, you did many good things too. It's not all black and white. It sounds like your son is only remembering what he wishes to remember. Some baggage that serves him. Why? Not sure. Perhaps because he doesn't wish to go forward in his life for whatever reason. [B]IT is easier to blame mom then to do what he needs to do.[/B] Listen....you don't need to be the doormat. You don't need to live your life in a bedroom. You don't need to be the recipient of someone elses GARBAGE. You are hiding in shame, over what? Do you think your son is innocent of all wrong doing? Do you think other moms are perfect and have no concerns? Wipe the dirt that your son has thrown on you OFF. Understand that everyone messes up at times...so be it. Refuse to question your decisions re: your other son. You are the adult and the mother. He is acting like a child. You can listen to another person's viewpoint...but you don't have to be the recipient of someone's advice when they are being childish, meanspirited and make you feel badly about yourself. It's a little weird when that person is your own son...but so be it. Actually...it'll be a lesson for the guy. It's the motherly thing to do. It ain't nice being a bully and it backfires on the one doing the bullying anyway...he is hiding like a child. Clean your mind from this GARBAGE. Understand that your easy child has his own issues. You can not create ADHD. YOu can only help your younger son grow up to be an independent, capable, productive and happy individual. When you poison your mind with this garbage...it leads to less productivity...poor choicess...little or no action...really messes things up. You wont be able to do as much. You wont be able to be as happy. It all starts with thoughts that are not right. Don't let your son put garage in there. You are entitled to [B]happiness[/B]. I read quickly..but I believe I read where you are going to a therapist. Does he or she know about this stuff going on? Additionally, if your husband doesn't wish to be more communicative or helpful...would he consider couples counseling? Does your therapist know of someone you could go to? by the way...love the other posters idea about readinag [U]Co Dependent No More.[/U] I would get this book and get it soon! Know that you are a good mother and can walk around in any #$@! room in the house that you want to! Honestly, if you put your foot down, refuse to let easy child sling #$@! into your brain and do the footwork surely you are willing to do...my guess is that you will feel ALOT better!!!! Wishing you well. [/QUOTE]
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