... I hate that I can't post on my FB wall to my friends and family what an amazing man I have. Since easy child's dad can use her laptop at his place to snoop my FB wall, I keep all talk of financial business silent because he's always watching to see if he thinks our finances improve, perhaps I won't fight back if he tries to keep decreasing my support (He pays all of $200 a month out of court, no order, on a over $400K combined income with his now wife, and yes, he tries to mess with me by not paying etc. Lucky in every other way he's great with and for and to easy child!). So I thought I'd come here and scream about what he did for me today. I'm so overwhelmed I may seriously not breathe straight for a week. He went out alone this afternoon "for a haircut". He came back 2 hours later, I hadn't noticed much but wondered why 2 hours for a hair cut. I thought maybe there was a long wait. So in he comes, sits down all calm (he did have a hair cut) and says he was longer because he doesn't know why but he stopped in impulse (yeah right, he must have been keeping this perfect secret for ages!!!) at a car dealership. HE BOUGHT ME A SUV!!! A 2012 SUV. Heated leather seats so I don't ever get chilled in winter with my MS. So many bells and whistles I don't know how i"ll learn them. I'm apparently to go Monday when he's at work to meet some guy named Pat and pick my color and even if they don't have it in stock, latest I should have the color I want and drive off the lot is next Saturday. I think I'm in massive shock. My biggest gift in my life was a sony camcorder when they were not the prices of today, pricier and I think it took me about 3 years to stop being in shock that he'd buy me something so extravegent (I'm simple by nature maybe because that was a huge deal to me). And now a brand new SUV?? I can't breathe. He's making dinner because I am just sitting here absorbing. And to boot, to show just how much my emotions now are beyond the fact someone BOUGHT ME A BRAND NEW CAR, this is a man who A) has no car and B) has told me he will NOT drive this SUV because it is to be something that nobody shares with me, it is meant for me. He's christened it the binx mobile (his pet name for me is binx). He's ordering me a vanity plate with something like Number 1 Binx if he can figure out how to get it to look right and fit on the plate. I argued and argued that it must be OUR car and he refuses. He says in the summer of next year he'll buy himself a used car, that he's had new cars many times (before our time together) and this was for me. Happy early wedding present was his response. I can't tell if my heart is pounding more for a new car (I've never owned a car until the beater van in the back that I 'thought' we were putting on the road for me in 2 weeks), or that someone could love me enough to be inspired to do such a grand gesture as a token of how he feels for me. I spent nearly 30 years, due to my foster care upbringing and my bio dad experience etc not believing I was lovable (other than my kids). He taught me (it took a few years) to believe I could be loved and be worthy of it. But to believe somehow I can inspire this kind of man type display of a grand gesture? Not on our wedding day with a audience for a ego thing, but on a saturday in August with no build up, holiday, birthday, occassion, but just because he can and it felt finally right timing to cheer me from a currently difficult time (bio dad ****)??????? I don't know what I've done to inspire that type of feeling for me in him, but I just said a silent prayer to whoever is listening out there to say thank you for the blessing I've been given to have him in my life (Cheesy I know, but its just the truth and it has nothing to do with the actual car, if you all understand how I mean it). Aside from the overwhelmed feeling in terms of him doing this for ME .... I AM GETTING A BRAND NEW CAR!!! Nearly 40 and first car, and all I have to do is go decide my color. I'll come up for air in about 6 months. I don't know if I can drive it off the lot to be honest. I think I'll be shaking like a leaf.