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I might regret this later but...
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 591798" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Honey, this post made me little worried for you. First of, there is more difference between your situation and your ex's situation than piece of paper. Your ex and his wife are committed to each other and share a home. Your boyfriend is bunking on your sofa because he had to leave his last place and he is not willing to pay rents in your city. Yes, you may be sailing towards committed relationship and shared home, but you are not yet there.</p><p></p><p>Another thing, that really worries me, is that when you tell how him living there helps you, you in fact list how you are changing your behaviour to please him or because you would be embarrassed to show him how you would usually behave. In some ways that is very natural. When we meet new people or our relationship with people we have known for some time goes to next level, we are all trying to show our best. No one can of course keep that up forever and then we show our real colours. But in your situation, things you should be looking at when thinking if it is going to work or not, is not how you try to please him (in fact I would count that negative, if you feel intense need to change to please him) but how he works into your and your kids life. Him helping your difficult child is a good thing, but it is not enough. It's much more important to take a note how much he helps you around the house. Does he take care of dirty dishes (and not only his but also other's)? Does he help you to clean? Is he contributing to utilities and paying his fair share of the food? Is he helping you with the rent? Is he showing the responsibility and character of the man worth of your time and affection?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 591798, member: 14557"] Honey, this post made me little worried for you. First of, there is more difference between your situation and your ex's situation than piece of paper. Your ex and his wife are committed to each other and share a home. Your boyfriend is bunking on your sofa because he had to leave his last place and he is not willing to pay rents in your city. Yes, you may be sailing towards committed relationship and shared home, but you are not yet there. Another thing, that really worries me, is that when you tell how him living there helps you, you in fact list how you are changing your behaviour to please him or because you would be embarrassed to show him how you would usually behave. In some ways that is very natural. When we meet new people or our relationship with people we have known for some time goes to next level, we are all trying to show our best. No one can of course keep that up forever and then we show our real colours. But in your situation, things you should be looking at when thinking if it is going to work or not, is not how you try to please him (in fact I would count that negative, if you feel intense need to change to please him) but how he works into your and your kids life. Him helping your difficult child is a good thing, but it is not enough. It's much more important to take a note how much he helps you around the house. Does he take care of dirty dishes (and not only his but also other's)? Does he help you to clean? Is he contributing to utilities and paying his fair share of the food? Is he helping you with the rent? Is he showing the responsibility and character of the man worth of your time and affection? [/QUOTE]
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