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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 654431" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Yes, I think my sister was snubbing me.</p><p> </p><p>I think it is either of these two possibilities at work: One is that my sister has longstanding feelings of inferiority, envy and insecurity vis a vis me (that is what my Mother believed) and that ANYTHING is justified in restoring her internal equilibrium and to make herself superior. i feel my sister believes in her heart that I deserve NO RESPECT or consideration as a person or a parent. </p><p></p><p>Second, is that I am to be blamed for deficits she has, whatever they may be, it iss my FAULT. She is justified in what ever she does. I am guilty for everything I do or do not do.</p><p></p><p>I remember once she and her new (3rd) husband visited a town where I was living...I made a nice lunch for her family and we agreed to meet for dinner. I did not want to accompany her sight seeing (my sister plans every minute of her vacations 6 months at least before. I plan almost nothing.) </p><p></p><p>She looks at her husband, so that I could see her...and she looked at her new husband, with a stare that seemed to say, see how she is...and a look of infinite contempt....It was not so much as if I was not there. It was because I was there. The message was to me.</p><p></p><p> I remember when she started in AA. A part of it was to make amends. She visited me in yet another city (I moved a lot for work). She says to me: They told me I HAD TO MAKE AMENDS (looking to the side, not to me)--I am complying. I am making amends. No for what or why. </p><p></p><p>It is not looking good, is it? Thank you for all.</p><p></p><p>But, still the question remains? When is it too late to try? My mother so wanted me to accept my sister as she was. My Mother had such regret at the end, that she had not done so with her own sister. </p><p></p><p>When will I know I am strong enough to try? M's mother (I live with him) taught her 13 children when they fought to forgive each other. She insisted after each dispute that they ask forgiveness one to the other, and hug and kiss. It worked. Almost all of the kids will never break the fraternal bonds between them. They do it for their Mother. Even now, by phone, she urges Pardonela. Forgive her. If he persists, she repeats, pardon her.</p><p></p><p>Does it become too late?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 654431, member: 18958"] Yes, I think my sister was snubbing me. I think it is either of these two possibilities at work: One is that my sister has longstanding feelings of inferiority, envy and insecurity vis a vis me (that is what my Mother believed) and that ANYTHING is justified in restoring her internal equilibrium and to make herself superior. i feel my sister believes in her heart that I deserve NO RESPECT or consideration as a person or a parent. Second, is that I am to be blamed for deficits she has, whatever they may be, it iss my FAULT. She is justified in what ever she does. I am guilty for everything I do or do not do. I remember once she and her new (3rd) husband visited a town where I was living...I made a nice lunch for her family and we agreed to meet for dinner. I did not want to accompany her sight seeing (my sister plans every minute of her vacations 6 months at least before. I plan almost nothing.) She looks at her husband, so that I could see her...and she looked at her new husband, with a stare that seemed to say, see how she is...and a look of infinite contempt....It was not so much as if I was not there. It was because I was there. The message was to me. I remember when she started in AA. A part of it was to make amends. She visited me in yet another city (I moved a lot for work). She says to me: They told me I HAD TO MAKE AMENDS (looking to the side, not to me)--I am complying. I am making amends. No for what or why. It is not looking good, is it? Thank you for all. But, still the question remains? When is it too late to try? My mother so wanted me to accept my sister as she was. My Mother had such regret at the end, that she had not done so with her own sister. When will I know I am strong enough to try? M's mother (I live with him) taught her 13 children when they fought to forgive each other. She insisted after each dispute that they ask forgiveness one to the other, and hug and kiss. It worked. Almost all of the kids will never break the fraternal bonds between them. They do it for their Mother. Even now, by phone, she urges Pardonela. Forgive her. If he persists, she repeats, pardon her. Does it become too late? [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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