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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 654573" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>In my life, there are people who, by definition as mother or sister, can be perceived as people who must love me. People I could, by definition through their roles in my life, assume to have my best interests at heart.</p><p></p><p>But there are people who are wired differently than we are.</p><p></p><p>They have only their own best interests at heart.</p><p></p><p>They are not working toward the same picture we are.</p><p></p><p>Maybe, that is true.</p><p></p><p>Whereas my picture may look like my sister and I swinging on the roof of a restaurant on the Gulf while the sun goes down, hers may look like ~ I don't know. I don't know what hers needs to look like for it to feel complete to her. But I do know it has something to do with exclusion, and with eye rolling, and with proving something I don't understand as a win.</p><p></p><p>It definitely continues to have something to do with devaluing and uniting to exclude my brothers...or to create legitimacy in excluding them, or to present a united front in excluding them.</p><p></p><p>And really, with hating and condemning one of them right out in the open and taking some kind of regretful superiority from that.</p><p></p><p>Same thing with my mom, minus the regretful part. She relishes hating that particular brother, and dominating the other.</p><p></p><p>The brother she hates so passionately, now that I think about it, defied her.</p><p></p><p>Boy did he.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>I never thought of it that way before.</p><p></p><p>I will have to tell him that.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, their happy picture needs to look like something that seems mean and stupidly wrong, to me.</p><p></p><p>Toxic pond stuff.</p><p></p><p>Differently wired, like those articles SWOT posted for us described. According to the articles, things are the way they are between us because they were always hard wired differently than we are. That is why they can (or maybe, have to?) behave as they do.</p><p></p><p>So a phone call is just a signal, to them, to let the games begin. But it is always the same game. So the question then becomes why we cannot just let that be what is real. Why do we persist in believing we will all come together in the end?</p><p></p><p>That is our hard wiring, perhaps.</p><p></p><p>Why would a person judge whatever we have given them negatively, other than that it came from us. Elizabethanne, could it be true that your sister will condemn you no matter what you do or do not do?</p><p></p><p>Could it be true that the more perfectly you respond to her, the more damning her condemnation?</p><p></p><p>I think they hate us. There is nothing personal in it, either. Perhaps because of their wiring we are perceived as a threat, and hatred is a reflex, for them.</p><p></p><p>I think nlj is correct. It is hard to accept it, but it is what it undeniably does appear to be.</p><p></p><p>There will be no coming together. If there is, it will be only an invitation to let the games begin.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I am not even going to say my usual "What kind of person thinks this way." I am probably right. </p><p></p><p>What to hay.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/mcsmiley1.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":mcsmiley1:" title="mcsmiley1 :mcsmiley1:" data-shortname=":mcsmiley1:" /></p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hangin.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hangin:" title="hangin :hangin:" data-shortname=":hangin:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/9-07tears.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":9-07tears:" title="crying :9-07tears:" data-shortname=":9-07tears:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 654573, member: 17461"] In my life, there are people who, by definition as mother or sister, can be perceived as people who must love me. People I could, by definition through their roles in my life, assume to have my best interests at heart. But there are people who are wired differently than we are. They have only their own best interests at heart. They are not working toward the same picture we are. Maybe, that is true. Whereas my picture may look like my sister and I swinging on the roof of a restaurant on the Gulf while the sun goes down, hers may look like ~ I don't know. I don't know what hers needs to look like for it to feel complete to her. But I do know it has something to do with exclusion, and with eye rolling, and with proving something I don't understand as a win. It definitely continues to have something to do with devaluing and uniting to exclude my brothers...or to create legitimacy in excluding them, or to present a united front in excluding them. And really, with hating and condemning one of them right out in the open and taking some kind of regretful superiority from that. Same thing with my mom, minus the regretful part. She relishes hating that particular brother, and dominating the other. The brother she hates so passionately, now that I think about it, defied her. Boy did he. :O) I never thought of it that way before. I will have to tell him that. Anyway, their happy picture needs to look like something that seems mean and stupidly wrong, to me. Toxic pond stuff. Differently wired, like those articles SWOT posted for us described. According to the articles, things are the way they are between us because they were always hard wired differently than we are. That is why they can (or maybe, have to?) behave as they do. So a phone call is just a signal, to them, to let the games begin. But it is always the same game. So the question then becomes why we cannot just let that be what is real. Why do we persist in believing we will all come together in the end? That is our hard wiring, perhaps. Why would a person judge whatever we have given them negatively, other than that it came from us. Elizabethanne, could it be true that your sister will condemn you no matter what you do or do not do? Could it be true that the more perfectly you respond to her, the more damning her condemnation? I think they hate us. There is nothing personal in it, either. Perhaps because of their wiring we are perceived as a threat, and hatred is a reflex, for them. I think nlj is correct. It is hard to accept it, but it is what it undeniably does appear to be. There will be no coming together. If there is, it will be only an invitation to let the games begin. Cedar I am not even going to say my usual "What kind of person thinks this way." I am probably right. What to hay. :mcsmiley1: :hangin: :9-07tears: [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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