Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 654575" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Oh, Copa. </p><p></p><p>None of us deserves punishment. What we do deserve is to be mistaken sometimes, and to be forgiven sometimes, and to forgive sincerely when we can, and not to be judged harshly or manipulated or tricked or pinched by those we allow into our inner circle.</p><p></p><p>None of us is perfect except for me.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>When you say you judged her Copa, what do you mean? It may be that what you really mean is that you took her at her word.</p><p></p><p>There is a book, Copa. <u>The Sociopath Next Door</u>. I think that is it. It was written by a retired FBI agent. In it, he describes famous criminals and what guidelines those who identify and capture them use to find and imprison them.</p><p></p><p>He describes lack of conscience, or sense of entitlement, or outright sociopathy, as a continuum.</p><p></p><p>You may have been, and probably were, very right to fear her, Copa. Not because she could hurt you, <em>but because she would.</em></p><p></p><p>And on some level, you still know that true thing.</p><p></p><p>We can all hurt one another if we think about it hard enough. But not all of us would do it. To most of us, knowing we could hurt someone calls forth our protective instincts.</p><p></p><p>Those without those protective instincts are called bullies. Bullies will abuse as soon as they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they will not lose the fight they intend to pick. Bullies even abuse their own babies and their children and their animals.</p><p></p><p>Go figure that one.</p><p></p><p>It happens every day.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are vulnerable now, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Take time. Post here. Go slowly. Here is a story that may or may not be true for you:</p><p></p><p>Once there was a fox. She began crossing a turbulent river when she heard a tiny voice calling for help on the shore. She turned back, the beautiful red-tailed fox.</p><p></p><p>The voice was coming from a wicked looking scorpion whose intention, so she told the beautiful fox, was to cross the river.</p><p></p><p>But everyone knows scorpions cannot swim turbulent rivers.</p><p></p><p>"Why don't you let me ride on your head while you swim across?" the deadly scorpion asked the beautiful fox. "Well, because I'm not stupid." the fox replied. "You are a scorpion. You could sting me in the eye the second I get you across the river and safely on the other side. In fact," the fox mused, "you could only be pretending you want to cross the river, because you have heard how soft-hearted I am. But what you really want is to sting me so I will die."</p><p></p><p>Taking pity on the scorpion when she began to cry, the beautiful red tailed fox began carrying the scorpion across the river. The beautiful fox felt worse and worse as they approached the other shore, because she had believed such terrible things about the scorpion and they turned out not to have been true after all.</p><p></p><p>Just then, just as they reached the other shore, the scorpion stung the beautiful, red tailed fox. Before the beautiful fox hit the ground, the scorpion moved into position and stung the dying fox in the other eye.</p><p></p><p>"But...why?" the no longer beautiful, dying fox gasped.</p><p></p><p>"You knew I was a scorpion when you took me on." the scorpion hissed.</p><p></p><p>And the fox died, and the scorpion went on about her day.</p><p></p><p>No one knows who she got to bring her back across the river. But we can be very sure, someone did.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Scorpions relish forgiveness. It softens and flavors the flesh.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you were there with your mother at the end. You did the right thing. What happened between your mother and your sister is not your responsibility. Empathic people tend to take on the pain of those they are trying to help.</p><p></p><p>Which are the actions, the concrete things you might do, to heal this terrible sadness, Copa?</p><p></p><p>Would it be possible for you to sit quietly tomorrow morning as the sun rises?</p><p></p><p>There is nothing you need to do.</p><p></p><p>Healed is our natural state, something our minds and bodies gravitate toward naturally.</p><p></p><p>The only thing you might try to do is not think of your sister. If thoughts of her come, let them go their way. If you do this, Copa, tell me whether the birds where you are fall quiet just after the sun is fully risen.</p><p></p><p>They do, here where I watch the sun rise.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 654575, member: 17461"] Oh, Copa. None of us deserves punishment. What we do deserve is to be mistaken sometimes, and to be forgiven sometimes, and to forgive sincerely when we can, and not to be judged harshly or manipulated or tricked or pinched by those we allow into our inner circle. None of us is perfect except for me. :O) When you say you judged her Copa, what do you mean? It may be that what you really mean is that you took her at her word. There is a book, Copa. [U]The Sociopath Next Door[/U]. I think that is it. It was written by a retired FBI agent. In it, he describes famous criminals and what guidelines those who identify and capture them use to find and imprison them. He describes lack of conscience, or sense of entitlement, or outright sociopathy, as a continuum. You may have been, and probably were, very right to fear her, Copa. Not because she could hurt you, [I]but because she would.[/I] And on some level, you still know that true thing. We can all hurt one another if we think about it hard enough. But not all of us would do it. To most of us, knowing we could hurt someone calls forth our protective instincts. Those without those protective instincts are called bullies. Bullies will abuse as soon as they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they will not lose the fight they intend to pick. Bullies even abuse their own babies and their children and their animals. Go figure that one. It happens every day. You are vulnerable now, Copa. Take time. Post here. Go slowly. Here is a story that may or may not be true for you: Once there was a fox. She began crossing a turbulent river when she heard a tiny voice calling for help on the shore. She turned back, the beautiful red-tailed fox. The voice was coming from a wicked looking scorpion whose intention, so she told the beautiful fox, was to cross the river. But everyone knows scorpions cannot swim turbulent rivers. "Why don't you let me ride on your head while you swim across?" the deadly scorpion asked the beautiful fox. "Well, because I'm not stupid." the fox replied. "You are a scorpion. You could sting me in the eye the second I get you across the river and safely on the other side. In fact," the fox mused, "you could only be pretending you want to cross the river, because you have heard how soft-hearted I am. But what you really want is to sting me so I will die." Taking pity on the scorpion when she began to cry, the beautiful red tailed fox began carrying the scorpion across the river. The beautiful fox felt worse and worse as they approached the other shore, because she had believed such terrible things about the scorpion and they turned out not to have been true after all. Just then, just as they reached the other shore, the scorpion stung the beautiful, red tailed fox. Before the beautiful fox hit the ground, the scorpion moved into position and stung the dying fox in the other eye. "But...why?" the no longer beautiful, dying fox gasped. "You knew I was a scorpion when you took me on." the scorpion hissed. And the fox died, and the scorpion went on about her day. No one knows who she got to bring her back across the river. But we can be very sure, someone did. Scorpions relish forgiveness. It softens and flavors the flesh. I am glad you were there with your mother at the end. You did the right thing. What happened between your mother and your sister is not your responsibility. Empathic people tend to take on the pain of those they are trying to help. Which are the actions, the concrete things you might do, to heal this terrible sadness, Copa? Would it be possible for you to sit quietly tomorrow morning as the sun rises? There is nothing you need to do. Healed is our natural state, something our minds and bodies gravitate toward naturally. The only thing you might try to do is not think of your sister. If thoughts of her come, let them go their way. If you do this, Copa, tell me whether the birds where you are fall quiet just after the sun is fully risen. They do, here where I watch the sun rise. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
Top