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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabethanne" data-source="post: 654586" data-attributes="member: 18933"><p>I am so confused...how do you know the difference between people being human, and making mistakes and being scorpians, that we must steer clear of, lest they sting our eyes out?</p><p>The woman I was talking about earlier, isn't my sister. It is a former landlord, turned friend. I was with her when her mother, my new mother of 5 years passed away. She unraveled emotionally over the next year, couldn't make her way into the workforce to take care of herself and her 3 Labs, though I tried to support with my time, referring her to a great paying job, and over-all companionship. When I didn't offer monetary support, she shut me out, got evicted and left town without saying goodbye. She relayed to her cousin that I abandoned her in her need because I didn't offer her...I don't know...money or some other kind of support.</p><p>So, she heard I was concerned and called. I texted her back and said I would call her after my work week when I was rested and clear. So, I am trying to be as open as I can because she is in crisis, whether it is self-induced or not, she is in pain. Is she a scorpion? I don't know. She was nurturing with food, Scrabble (miss that fix!) and laughter and had an open door policy when her Mom was alive, and even let me work off rent for 2 weeks was laid off as her tenant 6 years ago. She feels she "kept me in my home" and I am not paying it forward. She allowed me to clean her units and pull weeds and clean her carpets and cut her and Mom's hair to pay my rent for 1/2 a month in 2009. She was able to do this because she had the luxury of living on her mother's money...I was grateful for the hand up, but I gave more than I ever took as a tenant, neighbor, friend.</p><p>All that to say that in my recent disappointments and loss with relationships that I thought had real substance and value, I realized something about myself. I was starting to have a tendency to make people either all good, or all bad.</p><p>I just don't want to demonize people.</p><p>I don't want to make them wrong anymore, because that just makes me feel "right".</p><p>And that's just a little too close to righteous for my taste.</p><p>I don't long for connection with this lady--not with the way she's treated me, blamed me for not being there for her.</p><p>I do miss the way we bonded and pulled together when Mom was alive, through her illness in her passing and in HER grief. From there, it's been about her. Her emotional pain, her physical pain, her sad life, her being betrayed by the world and her inability to hold down a job, to take care of herself and her 4 huge Labs after squandering Mom's money and losing it all (which is why I didn't offer money).</p><p>All that to say I'm not sure where I hope this conversation goes today. She is very manipulative and more histrionic than ever (can't stand that). She is a Scorpio and yes, I have felt the sting on more than one occasion--but I would be every bit the drama queen she is if I were to to say she intended to sting my eyes out!</p><p>Maybe I just want closure and just want her to know that I wish her well.</p><p>Or, maybe I intend to set her straight and tell the truth about what I've observed over the last 5 years. And how dare she say I betrayed her in some way. The truth is while I have made my share of mistakes, I am not unkind, uncaring or abandoning, to anyone that I have ever care about.</p><p>I feel too tired to defend myself (or state the facts, rather) but too insulted to let her skip over it and/or perpetuate her "elizabethanne betrayed me" story, even if only in her own head.</p><p>I already know that I can do without the friendship or the drama.</p><p>I just want to find closure in a healthy way. See my part in it. As I write this, I think I just want to understand and be understood, before I move on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabethanne, post: 654586, member: 18933"] I am so confused...how do you know the difference between people being human, and making mistakes and being scorpians, that we must steer clear of, lest they sting our eyes out? The woman I was talking about earlier, isn't my sister. It is a former landlord, turned friend. I was with her when her mother, my new mother of 5 years passed away. She unraveled emotionally over the next year, couldn't make her way into the workforce to take care of herself and her 3 Labs, though I tried to support with my time, referring her to a great paying job, and over-all companionship. When I didn't offer monetary support, she shut me out, got evicted and left town without saying goodbye. She relayed to her cousin that I abandoned her in her need because I didn't offer her...I don't know...money or some other kind of support. So, she heard I was concerned and called. I texted her back and said I would call her after my work week when I was rested and clear. So, I am trying to be as open as I can because she is in crisis, whether it is self-induced or not, she is in pain. Is she a scorpion? I don't know. She was nurturing with food, Scrabble (miss that fix!) and laughter and had an open door policy when her Mom was alive, and even let me work off rent for 2 weeks was laid off as her tenant 6 years ago. She feels she "kept me in my home" and I am not paying it forward. She allowed me to clean her units and pull weeds and clean her carpets and cut her and Mom's hair to pay my rent for 1/2 a month in 2009. She was able to do this because she had the luxury of living on her mother's money...I was grateful for the hand up, but I gave more than I ever took as a tenant, neighbor, friend. All that to say that in my recent disappointments and loss with relationships that I thought had real substance and value, I realized something about myself. I was starting to have a tendency to make people either all good, or all bad. I just don't want to demonize people. I don't want to make them wrong anymore, because that just makes me feel "right". And that's just a little too close to righteous for my taste. I don't long for connection with this lady--not with the way she's treated me, blamed me for not being there for her. I do miss the way we bonded and pulled together when Mom was alive, through her illness in her passing and in HER grief. From there, it's been about her. Her emotional pain, her physical pain, her sad life, her being betrayed by the world and her inability to hold down a job, to take care of herself and her 4 huge Labs after squandering Mom's money and losing it all (which is why I didn't offer money). All that to say I'm not sure where I hope this conversation goes today. She is very manipulative and more histrionic than ever (can't stand that). She is a Scorpio and yes, I have felt the sting on more than one occasion--but I would be every bit the drama queen she is if I were to to say she intended to sting my eyes out! Maybe I just want closure and just want her to know that I wish her well. Or, maybe I intend to set her straight and tell the truth about what I've observed over the last 5 years. And how dare she say I betrayed her in some way. The truth is while I have made my share of mistakes, I am not unkind, uncaring or abandoning, to anyone that I have ever care about. I feel too tired to defend myself (or state the facts, rather) but too insulted to let her skip over it and/or perpetuate her "elizabethanne betrayed me" story, even if only in her own head. I already know that I can do without the friendship or the drama. I just want to find closure in a healthy way. See my part in it. As I write this, I think I just want to understand and be understood, before I move on. [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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