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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabethanne" data-source="post: 654606" data-attributes="member: 18933"><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/beautifulthing.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":beautifulthing:" title="beautiful thing :beautifulthing:" data-shortname=":beautifulthing:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/beautifulthing.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":beautifulthing:" title="beautiful thing :beautifulthing:" data-shortname=":beautifulthing:" /></p><p></p><p>Whoa Copa--talk about wisdom, openness and generosity! You made so many valid points and ask such important questions. I hardly know where to start! I appreciate your examples. Sad as the stories are, you framed them perfectly. You helped me to stop minimizing Scorpia's stinging/cunning/shady side...especially now that it is directed at me, instead of everyone else. When I saw her behaviors in business, her treatment of other tenants, laborers she hired and neighbors, she would always exaggerate the facts to justify her explosive responses. then she's laugh and blame it on the fact that she is full-blooded Sicilian. Her snarkiness with me, for the most, part kept at bay-partly because I chose not to speak up or challenge her affairs with others. Plus, she knows I was good to Mom, loved spending time with both of them and she didn't push my buttons too awfully much. Thankfully, I too am a bit more complicated than I look (I love this Copa-I'm borrowing it!). The observation your boyfriend made about you is downright profound-I certainly see myself in that description as well. False picture of docility, generosity and goodness.</p><p>To answer one of your questions, yes it bothers me to think that someone close to me feels I have caused them pain. In this case, I think she may feel some regret about saying that about me now. What I most want her to hear now is that she has a VERY skewed recollection of "all the things she did for me" when I was her tenant, how she "kept me in my home" and didn't abandon her the way I did her". Not an ounce of truth there. I paid every month on time, never late (except the 2 week period I did manual labor for her). I pulled myself up and found jobs 60+ miles from home at first. She asked me to find a home for my dog because it he was alone and crying. She told me to "figure it out". That was true and it broke my heart, but I found him a good home because I had to take care of me and pay my rent...even when she had not paid her mortgage for over two years. My brother took his life a short time later. I kept working. When the house foreclosed, she gave me inadequate written notice to vacate, and then stopped speaking to me when I pushed for more time with the bank. The only reason we reconnected after that was because I insisted on seeing and spending time with Mom (she was in advanced stages of Alzheimer's). I knew she wondered why I didn't come around and was probably confused and sad. I'm so glad I did. I visited constantly for 2 months. We spend Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, she fell that night and died a month later.</p><p>What I really want right now after reading all of your kind replies is to let her know that I am not in that story that she tells--to herself or to others. No more grace, no more benefit of the doubt. I can forgive her, but not willing to swallow what really happened to "fit" back into her life somehow.</p><p>I am content that Mom is the greatest gift I gained in that in that 7 yr chapter of my life.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/beautifulthing.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":beautifulthing:" title="beautiful thing :beautifulthing:" data-shortname=":beautifulthing:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabethanne, post: 654606, member: 18933"] :beautifulthing::beautifulthing: Whoa Copa--talk about wisdom, openness and generosity! You made so many valid points and ask such important questions. I hardly know where to start! I appreciate your examples. Sad as the stories are, you framed them perfectly. You helped me to stop minimizing Scorpia's stinging/cunning/shady side...especially now that it is directed at me, instead of everyone else. When I saw her behaviors in business, her treatment of other tenants, laborers she hired and neighbors, she would always exaggerate the facts to justify her explosive responses. then she's laugh and blame it on the fact that she is full-blooded Sicilian. Her snarkiness with me, for the most, part kept at bay-partly because I chose not to speak up or challenge her affairs with others. Plus, she knows I was good to Mom, loved spending time with both of them and she didn't push my buttons too awfully much. Thankfully, I too am a bit more complicated than I look (I love this Copa-I'm borrowing it!). The observation your boyfriend made about you is downright profound-I certainly see myself in that description as well. False picture of docility, generosity and goodness. To answer one of your questions, yes it bothers me to think that someone close to me feels I have caused them pain. In this case, I think she may feel some regret about saying that about me now. What I most want her to hear now is that she has a VERY skewed recollection of "all the things she did for me" when I was her tenant, how she "kept me in my home" and didn't abandon her the way I did her". Not an ounce of truth there. I paid every month on time, never late (except the 2 week period I did manual labor for her). I pulled myself up and found jobs 60+ miles from home at first. She asked me to find a home for my dog because it he was alone and crying. She told me to "figure it out". That was true and it broke my heart, but I found him a good home because I had to take care of me and pay my rent...even when she had not paid her mortgage for over two years. My brother took his life a short time later. I kept working. When the house foreclosed, she gave me inadequate written notice to vacate, and then stopped speaking to me when I pushed for more time with the bank. The only reason we reconnected after that was because I insisted on seeing and spending time with Mom (she was in advanced stages of Alzheimer's). I knew she wondered why I didn't come around and was probably confused and sad. I'm so glad I did. I visited constantly for 2 months. We spend Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, she fell that night and died a month later. What I really want right now after reading all of your kind replies is to let her know that I am not in that story that she tells--to herself or to others. No more grace, no more benefit of the doubt. I can forgive her, but not willing to swallow what really happened to "fit" back into her life somehow. I am content that Mom is the greatest gift I gained in that in that 7 yr chapter of my life.:beautifulthing: [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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