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I need a plan for myself
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 618786" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Post the letter here for feedback, if you like. I wrote difficult child son a letter once, a long time ago. It was all about how I was giving him permission to blame me for everything he had ever done wrong in this life. It extended my blame-taking into all his other lifetimes, if reincarnation should prove to be the truth. It also took the blame for things he might have done back in time, before I was ever born. </p><p></p><p>I signed it with my full, legal signature and mailed it off to difficult child.</p><p></p><p>difficult child did not comment.</p><p></p><p>Ahem. </p><p></p><p>In my secret heart, where even a mother might slip the F bomb once in awhile? I was like, well, ABC you if you can't take a joke.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>If I can find it (and I did save a copy for myself) I will post it, here.</p><p></p><p>You are giving your son a courtesy he has not given you. You are explaining your position and your thinking, for his benefit. If you keep that in mind as you write your letter, you will find the emotional truth of where and who you are, today.</p><p></p><p>I believe it will be helpful for you to write a rough draft in which you examine the disappointment, the rage and the hurt you feel. That would be for you, so you can acknowledge and heal the trauma to you.</p><p></p><p>And you have been traumatized, and I am so sorry this happened. But it did. If there is a way to heal from it, you need to try.</p><p></p><p>Then, you will be able to write your son something that may be of value to him in future.</p><p></p><p>It is never wrong to tell our children we love and are praying for them. I don't think it is ever wrong to tell them we believe in them. Who else knows who they really are, beneath the addictions, beneath the multiple failures? Whether we feel very much like it or not, <u>we are their mothers</u>. We are taking the actions we take relative to detaching for their sakes as much as for our own.</p><p></p><p>And here is a true secret: Nothing else has worked. </p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing for your son.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for your pain.</p><p></p><p>You can do this.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 618786, member: 17461"] Post the letter here for feedback, if you like. I wrote difficult child son a letter once, a long time ago. It was all about how I was giving him permission to blame me for everything he had ever done wrong in this life. It extended my blame-taking into all his other lifetimes, if reincarnation should prove to be the truth. It also took the blame for things he might have done back in time, before I was ever born. I signed it with my full, legal signature and mailed it off to difficult child. difficult child did not comment. Ahem. In my secret heart, where even a mother might slip the F bomb once in awhile? I was like, well, ABC you if you can't take a joke. :O) If I can find it (and I did save a copy for myself) I will post it, here. You are giving your son a courtesy he has not given you. You are explaining your position and your thinking, for his benefit. If you keep that in mind as you write your letter, you will find the emotional truth of where and who you are, today. I believe it will be helpful for you to write a rough draft in which you examine the disappointment, the rage and the hurt you feel. That would be for you, so you can acknowledge and heal the trauma to you. And you have been traumatized, and I am so sorry this happened. But it did. If there is a way to heal from it, you need to try. Then, you will be able to write your son something that may be of value to him in future. It is never wrong to tell our children we love and are praying for them. I don't think it is ever wrong to tell them we believe in them. Who else knows who they really are, beneath the addictions, beneath the multiple failures? Whether we feel very much like it or not, [U]we are their mothers[/U]. We are taking the actions we take relative to detaching for their sakes as much as for our own. And here is a true secret: Nothing else has worked. You are doing the right thing for your son. I am sorry for your pain. You can do this. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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