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I need a plan for myself
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 618800" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Here is the letter---thank you for the suggestion, all. I have written lots of letters about this. Letters to myself that I have never mailed. Letters that I have read out loud to my sponsor in Al-Anon. Letters just to clear my own head, dump it all out, let it rest and then review to see if that is what I really think and feel. My letters have been some of my best therapy. The ones I send to him, I try to really spell out the message I want to communicate. A lot of time, that backfires on me, as MWM said. He twists and turns and uses my words back at me. The purpose is lost. But, I also have to write down what I really want to say to him because at times when we talk, I get confused. I have a plan, and then he interrupts me, the things he says confuse me, and I start reacting. I end up doing things I don't want to do and that don't help me or him. So for me, a letter lets me get out, all at once, what I want to say, and then I can have more peace. So here is the letter I am planning to mail tomorrow, so he has it before his court date on Feb. 6. I DON"T want him on my doorstep at 2 a.m. after he gets released from jail at 12:01 a.m. That is what they do here, and it is bizarre and inhumane I believe. He needs to make his own plans (which he never does and this doesn't mean he will this time either). But I want to spare myself having to let him stay here for the rest of the night, sitting up because i don't know what he is going to do (I don't trust him at all), and then spending hours the next morning getting him out to a shelter. I am trying to avoid that. It is painful. I really am focused on myself here, and I am working hard to keep it that way. He is going to do whatever he is going to do, and maybe it will be something good, if I can stay out of the way. Who knows? All feedback welcome. thanks friends. </p><p></p><p>January 29, 2014</p><p></p><p>Dear Jordan,</p><p></p><p>Your court date is coming up Feb. 6. I don’t know what will happen then, but I want to be clear about my parameters.</p><p></p><p>Do not come to my house in the middle of the night or at any other time if and when you get out of jail.</p><p></p><p>As we have discussed before, you cannot live here or stay here for any length of time. </p><p></p><p>You will need to make your own arrangements to go wherever you decide. Let me know where you are and I will get your clothes and other personal items to you.</p><p></p><p>What you do and how you do it is completely up to you and completely your responsibility. </p><p></p><p>At this time it’s best for us to maintain our distance, which will allow you to figure out your own life and get back on track as you see fit. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I love you,</p><p></p><p>Mom</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 618800, member: 17542"] Here is the letter---thank you for the suggestion, all. I have written lots of letters about this. Letters to myself that I have never mailed. Letters that I have read out loud to my sponsor in Al-Anon. Letters just to clear my own head, dump it all out, let it rest and then review to see if that is what I really think and feel. My letters have been some of my best therapy. The ones I send to him, I try to really spell out the message I want to communicate. A lot of time, that backfires on me, as MWM said. He twists and turns and uses my words back at me. The purpose is lost. But, I also have to write down what I really want to say to him because at times when we talk, I get confused. I have a plan, and then he interrupts me, the things he says confuse me, and I start reacting. I end up doing things I don't want to do and that don't help me or him. So for me, a letter lets me get out, all at once, what I want to say, and then I can have more peace. So here is the letter I am planning to mail tomorrow, so he has it before his court date on Feb. 6. I DON"T want him on my doorstep at 2 a.m. after he gets released from jail at 12:01 a.m. That is what they do here, and it is bizarre and inhumane I believe. He needs to make his own plans (which he never does and this doesn't mean he will this time either). But I want to spare myself having to let him stay here for the rest of the night, sitting up because i don't know what he is going to do (I don't trust him at all), and then spending hours the next morning getting him out to a shelter. I am trying to avoid that. It is painful. I really am focused on myself here, and I am working hard to keep it that way. He is going to do whatever he is going to do, and maybe it will be something good, if I can stay out of the way. Who knows? All feedback welcome. thanks friends. January 29, 2014 Dear Jordan, Your court date is coming up Feb. 6. I don’t know what will happen then, but I want to be clear about my parameters. Do not come to my house in the middle of the night or at any other time if and when you get out of jail. As we have discussed before, you cannot live here or stay here for any length of time. You will need to make your own arrangements to go wherever you decide. Let me know where you are and I will get your clothes and other personal items to you. What you do and how you do it is completely up to you and completely your responsibility. At this time it’s best for us to maintain our distance, which will allow you to figure out your own life and get back on track as you see fit. I love you, Mom [/QUOTE]
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