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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 485850" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Yep..."ebbs and flows" pretty much says it all. As I see marriage survival it is in recognizing that neither the husband nor the wife and the same people as time goes by. Most of us start off with excitement, dreams and lust. Then we move on to focusing on parenting which absorbs us. Often there are employment changes...and then most of us have to cope with unexpected stress, health concerns and acceptance of the fact that our past life is history. Worse yet comes the time when you have to accept that the future is not going to be what you anticipated.</p><p></p><p>You've mentioned before that Tony has a hard time keeping up with his work demands and has recognized that he is no longer a young guy. Neither of you anticipated the continued dominance of the children (yeah, I get that completely!) nor the fading of future dreams. It's a bummer. He's evidently feeling needy and yet the nees of the family keep him from feeling like #1. Even the stress of Christmas may be playing a factor. I'm sorry I don't have any answers but I do think he needs reenforcement of his importance. </p><p></p><p>When the dust settles why not have a one on one asking why he is upset and what you can do to help him feel better? His answers may surprise you. Many understanding hugs. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 485850, member: 35"] Yep..."ebbs and flows" pretty much says it all. As I see marriage survival it is in recognizing that neither the husband nor the wife and the same people as time goes by. Most of us start off with excitement, dreams and lust. Then we move on to focusing on parenting which absorbs us. Often there are employment changes...and then most of us have to cope with unexpected stress, health concerns and acceptance of the fact that our past life is history. Worse yet comes the time when you have to accept that the future is not going to be what you anticipated. You've mentioned before that Tony has a hard time keeping up with his work demands and has recognized that he is no longer a young guy. Neither of you anticipated the continued dominance of the children (yeah, I get that completely!) nor the fading of future dreams. It's a bummer. He's evidently feeling needy and yet the nees of the family keep him from feeling like #1. Even the stress of Christmas may be playing a factor. I'm sorry I don't have any answers but I do think he needs reenforcement of his importance. When the dust settles why not have a one on one asking why he is upset and what you can do to help him feel better? His answers may surprise you. Many understanding hugs. DDD [/QUOTE]
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