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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 487547" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Star has some excellent points. The love language thing is more important than you would think. For me, I feed those I love. If I can't cook, I make sure they know how to do it, have the right equipment and ingredients to do it, and I make sure that I do what I can to provide those special treats for them. husband? sees only all the dishes and mess that I can't clean if I cook, or even when I don't I usually can't clean it up. </p><p></p><p>husband shows how he loves us by working every job he can figure out how to work. Even if it is temp work, he does it and does it with a cheerful attitude. He may be grumpy as all crud at home, but he is smiling and cheerful to those he works with. Because he doesn't want to risk not getting the next job or whatever by being rude to someone. Took me a while to figure that out.</p><p></p><p>So that is something to think about. </p><p></p><p>As for the health, Star nailed that too. I learned that lesson from my mom. My father loves to be petted. (NOT that way - eeeuuuwwww!) Back scratches, head rubs, that sort of thing. I can remember MANY weekend afternoons watching a movie and messing with his hair or rubbing his head or calfs etc.... Trips driving across the country where I sat up all night with him and rubbed his right arm because it would get tense. My mom did even more of that. But when he would complain about his legs hurting and would not buy or wear good quality shoes (usually Knapp steel toes boots because he taught shop classes or science and spent his whole day on concrete floors)? No more leg/back rubs from ANY of us. NOT. ALLOWED. He could get the boots/see the doctor and do what the doctor said and get the leg rubs, or not do those things and not have them. For several years he fussed and fumed, but now it is just how it is mostly. </p><p></p><p>So maybe you can figure out how to use "do to get" for that part of the problems? </p><p></p><p>Whatever you do/don't do? Know that I am thinking of you and sending (((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 487547, member: 1233"] Star has some excellent points. The love language thing is more important than you would think. For me, I feed those I love. If I can't cook, I make sure they know how to do it, have the right equipment and ingredients to do it, and I make sure that I do what I can to provide those special treats for them. husband? sees only all the dishes and mess that I can't clean if I cook, or even when I don't I usually can't clean it up. husband shows how he loves us by working every job he can figure out how to work. Even if it is temp work, he does it and does it with a cheerful attitude. He may be grumpy as all crud at home, but he is smiling and cheerful to those he works with. Because he doesn't want to risk not getting the next job or whatever by being rude to someone. Took me a while to figure that out. So that is something to think about. As for the health, Star nailed that too. I learned that lesson from my mom. My father loves to be petted. (NOT that way - eeeuuuwwww!) Back scratches, head rubs, that sort of thing. I can remember MANY weekend afternoons watching a movie and messing with his hair or rubbing his head or calfs etc.... Trips driving across the country where I sat up all night with him and rubbed his right arm because it would get tense. My mom did even more of that. But when he would complain about his legs hurting and would not buy or wear good quality shoes (usually Knapp steel toes boots because he taught shop classes or science and spent his whole day on concrete floors)? No more leg/back rubs from ANY of us. NOT. ALLOWED. He could get the boots/see the doctor and do what the doctor said and get the leg rubs, or not do those things and not have them. For several years he fussed and fumed, but now it is just how it is mostly. So maybe you can figure out how to use "do to get" for that part of the problems? Whatever you do/don't do? Know that I am thinking of you and sending (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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