I need some help

[flutterbee]

I called one of Wynter's teachers today and that's what I told her. For those that don't remember, Wynter attends an online charter school (public school).

It is a battle to get her on to do her school work. She likes to claim she can't get on without help because the site is so confusing. Nice try. She was able to make a video all by herself - with no help - and upload it to youtube. I'm pretty sure she can get on the school site. Besides, she does it just fine when I'm sitting here with her. The only difference is I'm sitting here with her.

The bottom line is, it's her responsibility. I'm sick and I cannot sit with her everyday for hours holding her hand when she is perfectly capable of doing it herself. I am always available for help if she needs it - as are her teachers by either phone or email. They are more than happy to help her if she needs help.

So, I told her teacher I need help. They have given her the benefit of the doubt time and again. But, I'm not fighting this battle anymore. All we're asking her to do is what is her responsibility. Nothing more. I know she has issues, but it's her complete unwillingness to try and to make lame excuses.

This teacher has a way of being gentle, but firm with Wynter and is able to talk to Wynter without 'freaking' her out. She's going to tell her that if she doesn't get on and do some work that she will end up on the truancy list that the teachers are going to put together tomorrow. That if she doesn't do the work she's going to end up being kicked out of ECOT and having to go back to regular school (yeah, change of placement with her IEP, but I probably wouldn't fight it since they keep giving Wynter so many chances and I'm at my wits end). We're having another IEP meeting on Tuesday and the teacher recommended getting some more help with that - having teachers check in with her daily if she hasn't gotten on by a certain time.

What pushed me over the edge? This is the worst flare to date. I slept until 4pm yesterday. No one had fed the dogs or anything so I did. I went back to bed at 9:30 and the dogs woke me up at 3am. No one had fed them again, nor had they taken them out. In addition, every light in the house was on and everyone was in bed - the lights I turned off before I went to bed. Then today Wynter had the nerve to ask if anyone had been feeding the dogs. THEN when I told her she needed to sign on to do some school work she got nasty and hateful.

I hope I haven't let them in on things too personal, but I have nowhere else to turn for help. Wynter's dad has been MIA from her life for 10 years and my mom is an hour away and works and travels. I have to have help from somewhere and this was the only thing I could think of.

 

[klmno]

((HUGS)) That is a tough situation- I'm glad you told them that you need some help. Hopefully, they will get someone on board to do a little more. I know how you feel about expecting difficult child to take on a little more weight, because after all, their homework is their responsibility. But, it seems like our difficult child's need a little more and they won't carry that weight at the same age as a easy child. At least, that is what I've found with mine. I think you've done the right thing- don't worry so much about it- the school needs to be on board in this situation......My best hopes go out to you.

 

[ML]

It's hard without a support system in place. You are doing everything on your own and with the health problems of the past couple of years I'm amazed you're doing so well. I hope you get the help you need and deserve. Prayers and hugs xoxo ML

 

[timer lady]

Heather,

Asking for help is half the battle. If difficult child cannot do her school work at home then the consequence would be going back to the school system, most likely in a smaller learning center.

Saying that, my difficult children would in no way make it on their own during the day at that age. With their level of anxiety, kt & wm would bomb with-o almost constant supervision. We were offered this type of schooling for kt at our last meeting. I had to decline as it wasn't in kt's best interest & my health wouldn't keep up with kt's school.

Good luck in finding help. Have you tried mental health services for in home services. Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers would do a world of good in helping Wynter with her school work.

 

[Woofens]

I wish I could offer helpful advice, but I can't, as I was in the same situation with difficult child D, and he ended up dropping out/ getting kicked out for truancy. He also was in an online school. Hopefully the call you made to the teacher can help. difficult child D didn't think there would be consequences to him dropping out, that he could get his GED and a job and go on to Technical school. He quickly realized that getting a job as a 10th grade drop out, especially in today's economy, is extremely hard. He hasn't even gotten an interview at any place he applied, even the fast food places. I truly believe it is because he didn't finish school.

difficult child D was only 3 months from 18 when he decided to quit, so at least you have options with Wynter. With difficult child D, it was pointless to try to put him back in a regular school, since I knew that even if he did attend, it would only be until he turned 18 in October. We tried the online school because he refused to attend the brick and mortar school here.

I wish I could be more help, but I wanted you to know I feel for you.
Hugs
Jan

 

[butterflydreams]

Hugs. I think you did the right thing by asking this teacher for help.

 

[witzend]

I hope that you will start feeling better soon! Asking for help was the right thing, I agree.

Heather, I would have bopped her one if she had the nerve to ask me if the dogs had been fed while you were so sick, knowing full well that she hadn't done it herself. It sounds as though she needs some family chores. It's probably better than making a list of things to do when mom is sick, because they'll both come wake you up and ask if you are too sick to feed the dog. Are they doing their own laundry? If they already are, there's no reason that they can't add a load of towels to their burden. Towels don't take any time to wash and fold.

Do they get an allowance? If so, they shouldn't get allowances until they have done chores. If not, then there's something else that they can go without if they haven't done chores. Batteries for a game or music player, favorite shampoo, whatever small luxury it is that is a constant money drain. easy child should be in on this too. They need to know that as part of the family, they are responsible for making sure that things get done, as well.

 

[flutterbee]

Thank you for the support.

The problem is, she's capable. She acts all helpless and is nasty and hateful to me about it, but when I've had enough....let me give an example.

Last night after the teacher talked to her (this teacher, by the way, is just beyond wonderful), Wynter signed on to school - under duress, but oh well. She was nasty and hateful, complaining - why do I have to do this? I'm not going to be a scientist - all those stupid teenage remarks about school. Would. not. stop. Then after she managed to get through that assignment without me strangling her, she went on to the next. It was a writing assignment using the spoke method to organize your thoughts. She's done this before - last week - on her own and the teacher commented on how good of a job she did. Now, she can't do it. She doesn't know how, it's stupid, it doesn't make any sense. Yelling at me. Glaring at me. The whole nine yards. And I'd had it. I told her that she could do this - she'd done it before - and she had 2 choices: 1) figure it out or 2) I would be reenrolling her in regular school tomorrow (today). Then I told her I was going to take a shower and walked away to her yelling, "Why do you hate me?!!", which I ignored.

When I got out of the shower, she had completed that assignment, turned it in and was working on another.

THAT'S the stuff that I can't - won't - deal with. It's not that she can't - it's that she doesn't want to and is going to make everyone's life hell in the meantime.