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Parent Emeritus
I Need some objective and experienced opinions.....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 599897" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm still in shock reading that somebody who wrote a books thinks we should pay for ANYTHING for our kids until age 30. It's hard to focus after reading that..lol. Sounds like the author is a real entitlement freak and thinks that you should give up EVERYTHING for an extended period of time just to get a difficult child to pretend he cares. Most of us realize that we don't hear from our difficult child's unless they want something. This rings true even when they aren't angry at us. And they love their emotional blackmail. "I won't speak to you if you won't pay my bills." </p><p></p><p>My own personal opinion is to maybe do it up until eighteen, but I wouldn't go beyond that. Is this author addressing parents of kids who abuse us, do drugs, threaten us, routinely call us horrible names, etc? Or is he talking about kids we just had a tiff with. I don't see it helping with most of our kids. They will gladly that the money and, if they need to be nice to us to get it, they will SOMETIMES do it. But if they don't mean it, do you really have a relationship?</p><p></p><p>I think the book's author sounds like he believes in enabling just to get a phonecall from a nasty grown kid. </p><p></p><p>Everyone needs to deal with these situations in their own ways. You have to do what is comfortable for you, but don't think that it may help your son. The only person who can help your son is himself. You aren't giving up on him if you don't pay for him to have a cushy life while he abuses you. He's learning natural consequences. You CAN NOT FIX HIM IN ANY WAY. Only he can fix himself and you can help him, IF he comes to you with sincerity, wanting to know where to go for help, etc. You can't bribe him into being nice in his heart or to living a better, less destructive lifestyle. </p><p></p><p>Good luck and keep us posted! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 599897, member: 1550"] I'm still in shock reading that somebody who wrote a books thinks we should pay for ANYTHING for our kids until age 30. It's hard to focus after reading that..lol. Sounds like the author is a real entitlement freak and thinks that you should give up EVERYTHING for an extended period of time just to get a difficult child to pretend he cares. Most of us realize that we don't hear from our difficult child's unless they want something. This rings true even when they aren't angry at us. And they love their emotional blackmail. "I won't speak to you if you won't pay my bills." My own personal opinion is to maybe do it up until eighteen, but I wouldn't go beyond that. Is this author addressing parents of kids who abuse us, do drugs, threaten us, routinely call us horrible names, etc? Or is he talking about kids we just had a tiff with. I don't see it helping with most of our kids. They will gladly that the money and, if they need to be nice to us to get it, they will SOMETIMES do it. But if they don't mean it, do you really have a relationship? I think the book's author sounds like he believes in enabling just to get a phonecall from a nasty grown kid. Everyone needs to deal with these situations in their own ways. You have to do what is comfortable for you, but don't think that it may help your son. The only person who can help your son is himself. You aren't giving up on him if you don't pay for him to have a cushy life while he abuses you. He's learning natural consequences. You CAN NOT FIX HIM IN ANY WAY. Only he can fix himself and you can help him, IF he comes to you with sincerity, wanting to know where to go for help, etc. You can't bribe him into being nice in his heart or to living a better, less destructive lifestyle. Good luck and keep us posted! :) [/QUOTE]
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