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I raised him right, right? Self blame and the pursuit of happiness.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 650478" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Nikimoto, I have a friend who ran away from her ex (literally in bare feet in the rain when he was drunk) and had her three month old son with her. That man never saw his son after that. She later married high school sweetheart and he adopted the boy when the boy was two years old, and they went on to have two more kids who are both her husband's biology.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The child who never knew his biological father grew up to have the same issues, temper, gestures, voice and even presence as his absent biological father. My friend would always be freaked about it as they were strangers to each other. Much later in his life, (he is 38 now, has Aspergers, but is somewhat stable due to his wonderful wife working and taking care of him), he did meet his birth father, with encouragement from his birth siblings whom he also had never met until they found and contacted him when he was about 35.</p><p></p><p></p><p>His father by then had straighted out and stopped drinking and was sick with Parkinsons and even told this young man that his mother was wonderful and that HE had been the problem.(To me, this kind of nice touch shows that the man was sick with alcohol and not all bad because this young man of my friend's is also a very nice person, in general, and never did touch alcohol due to his mother's wonderful relationship with him and her ability to get it through his skull that alcoholism would take him if he did drink). It actually worked!</p><p></p><p>Before this young man met his bio. father, he met his MANY siblings and said he felt more at home with them than in his "family" (he does think of his mom and adoptive dad and their kids as family. But he is very different from them). He got along GREAT with the strangers that he shared his birth father's DNA with.</p><p></p><p>More than that, his new found sibs couldn't get over how much he looked and "acted" like "Dad." Even voice inflections and mannerisms.</p><p></p><p>DNA is potent. I don't even think we know how potent it is yet. Freud was WAY wrong, except when he said the scientists would prove him wrong one day. Well, the day is coming.</p><p></p><p>Many of us have our first kids very young, maybe a fling. My friend was eighteen when she had this young man and her ex was also eighteen and very screwed up. She was not thinking, "Gee, if I breed with him, my future child could be just like him." In naive teenage fashion she was thinking, "We'll make a family and I'll show Ex what love really is." Well, when he started beating her, that got hard. She had no idea he had implanted his genes into her child and really struggled with him until he was into his 20's and doing better.</p><p></p><p>He is still on Disability and needs help in life, but he is doing ok. Still, friend says it is uncanny how much he acts like his biological father and they don't see one another too often.</p><p></p><p>Genes trump all.</p><p></p><p>It is not our fault and just like this man who BEAT his wife in the throes of alcoholism, there is hope for even horrible difficult children. My first message is that DNA is a beast. My second is that people can change how they live and their choices and can choose to be nice. This former abusive man is beloved by all of his children who didn't know him when he was doing the stuff my friend experienced from him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 650478, member: 1550"] Nikimoto, I have a friend who ran away from her ex (literally in bare feet in the rain when he was drunk) and had her three month old son with her. That man never saw his son after that. She later married high school sweetheart and he adopted the boy when the boy was two years old, and they went on to have two more kids who are both her husband's biology. The child who never knew his biological father grew up to have the same issues, temper, gestures, voice and even presence as his absent biological father. My friend would always be freaked about it as they were strangers to each other. Much later in his life, (he is 38 now, has Aspergers, but is somewhat stable due to his wonderful wife working and taking care of him), he did meet his birth father, with encouragement from his birth siblings whom he also had never met until they found and contacted him when he was about 35. His father by then had straighted out and stopped drinking and was sick with Parkinsons and even told this young man that his mother was wonderful and that HE had been the problem.(To me, this kind of nice touch shows that the man was sick with alcohol and not all bad because this young man of my friend's is also a very nice person, in general, and never did touch alcohol due to his mother's wonderful relationship with him and her ability to get it through his skull that alcoholism would take him if he did drink). It actually worked! Before this young man met his bio. father, he met his MANY siblings and said he felt more at home with them than in his "family" (he does think of his mom and adoptive dad and their kids as family. But he is very different from them). He got along GREAT with the strangers that he shared his birth father's DNA with. More than that, his new found sibs couldn't get over how much he looked and "acted" like "Dad." Even voice inflections and mannerisms. DNA is potent. I don't even think we know how potent it is yet. Freud was WAY wrong, except when he said the scientists would prove him wrong one day. Well, the day is coming. Many of us have our first kids very young, maybe a fling. My friend was eighteen when she had this young man and her ex was also eighteen and very screwed up. She was not thinking, "Gee, if I breed with him, my future child could be just like him." In naive teenage fashion she was thinking, "We'll make a family and I'll show Ex what love really is." Well, when he started beating her, that got hard. She had no idea he had implanted his genes into her child and really struggled with him until he was into his 20's and doing better. He is still on Disability and needs help in life, but he is doing ok. Still, friend says it is uncanny how much he acts like his biological father and they don't see one another too often. Genes trump all. It is not our fault and just like this man who BEAT his wife in the throes of alcoholism, there is hope for even horrible difficult children. My first message is that DNA is a beast. My second is that people can change how they live and their choices and can choose to be nice. This former abusive man is beloved by all of his children who didn't know him when he was doing the stuff my friend experienced from him. [/QUOTE]
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