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I slapped him silly.
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 148308" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>PamelaJ, I haven't commented because I wanted to wait until you had some time to process what's happening to you and your home. difficult child's behavior is so off the scale from normal that your daughter is right. You and your husband have adapted your life to fit his behavior. You have been willing to make huge sacrifices for the well being and help for your son. Unfortunately it isn't working. Some of our kids despite the attention, hours of treatment, medication,counseling, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), hospitalization can not be fixed. It then becomes an exercise in how to survive difficult child and to have a life that is not suffocated by anguish, dysfunction, isolation, anger,violence and basically a horrible life. </p><p></p><p>You will try all the medications and therapies but you have to start to project forward. How will you survive difficult child? Is this the life you want to continue? How will things change? What goals do you aim towards? Do you see him ever being independent? Is your thought that you will keep him home with you? How long before he gets violent, breaks the law, becomes destructive? What sort of plan for the future do you have in the back of your mind?</p><p></p><p>We always looked for an "Anne Sullivan" to unlock the gifts that our difficult child didn't seem to be able to build on for independent life. I never found her. difficult child is still locked in the circular world of scattered and distorted thinking, hyperactivity,oppositional behavior and self centered functioning. Fortunately no violence or law breaking but at 23 he is still struggling with why the world "doesn't see he is good enough". He struggles with opposition that he should change. He tries but it is not an average approach to life and learning. </p><p></p><p>I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are burning out. Your reserve of patience and difficult child centered life is gone. Do you continue to be the victim of this life or do you start to be proactive in having a world that is apart from difficult child and not based on difficult child? What is in his best interest and what is in your best interest? </p><p>The best parents in the world still can not cure their kids so what do we do? I think it is a personal choice. I started time away for me alone. Vacations with husband without difficult child. We still had family trips but I started to build a life and memories that difficult child were not a part of. I gave to him what I could and then I tried to survive the rest. I just can't let his disability poison every good part of our family. I found that frequent breaks from difficult child helped me parent better and to actually like difficult child more. </p><p></p><p>I hope you find a way to channel your frustration and love in a positive way to help yourself and difficult child. Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 148308, member: 3"] PamelaJ, I haven't commented because I wanted to wait until you had some time to process what's happening to you and your home. difficult child's behavior is so off the scale from normal that your daughter is right. You and your husband have adapted your life to fit his behavior. You have been willing to make huge sacrifices for the well being and help for your son. Unfortunately it isn't working. Some of our kids despite the attention, hours of treatment, medication,counseling, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), hospitalization can not be fixed. It then becomes an exercise in how to survive difficult child and to have a life that is not suffocated by anguish, dysfunction, isolation, anger,violence and basically a horrible life. You will try all the medications and therapies but you have to start to project forward. How will you survive difficult child? Is this the life you want to continue? How will things change? What goals do you aim towards? Do you see him ever being independent? Is your thought that you will keep him home with you? How long before he gets violent, breaks the law, becomes destructive? What sort of plan for the future do you have in the back of your mind? We always looked for an "Anne Sullivan" to unlock the gifts that our difficult child didn't seem to be able to build on for independent life. I never found her. difficult child is still locked in the circular world of scattered and distorted thinking, hyperactivity,oppositional behavior and self centered functioning. Fortunately no violence or law breaking but at 23 he is still struggling with why the world "doesn't see he is good enough". He struggles with opposition that he should change. He tries but it is not an average approach to life and learning. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are burning out. Your reserve of patience and difficult child centered life is gone. Do you continue to be the victim of this life or do you start to be proactive in having a world that is apart from difficult child and not based on difficult child? What is in his best interest and what is in your best interest? The best parents in the world still can not cure their kids so what do we do? I think it is a personal choice. I started time away for me alone. Vacations with husband without difficult child. We still had family trips but I started to build a life and memories that difficult child were not a part of. I gave to him what I could and then I tried to survive the rest. I just can't let his disability poison every good part of our family. I found that frequent breaks from difficult child helped me parent better and to actually like difficult child more. I hope you find a way to channel your frustration and love in a positive way to help yourself and difficult child. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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