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I sometimes miss my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Estherfromjerusalem" data-source="post: 439555" data-attributes="member: 77"><p>Well, thanks Jo for what you wrote. I really think that all those years with a difficult child left me "not quite right" emotionally. I put up a good front to everybody -- my parents (when they were still alive), and my sisters to this day. Although one of them is easier to talk to than the other, and I have shared quite a lot with her, no one can really know what we go through, and how day in and day out it just wears us down. And then to multiply those days by years and years -- well, it's no wonder that here on Conductdisorders is really the only place I can say what I feel and just KNOW that there are those who understand. Nowhere else. And somehow, without that tension now, part of me doesn't know what to do with itself. It's not like a switch that goes off and on. I feel that something deep inside me has been damaged and is not yet whole again. Does that sound normal? I seem to have lost my ability to really enjoy myself. For example, I really love classical music and grew up in a house full of the sound of it from radio and records, and I sang in a choir for years, but today I cannot for the life of me get out to a concert, and I can't even face listening to it on the radio, although I get the profoundest joy if ever by mistake I do find myself listening.</p><p></p><p>Lately I have had it suggested to me from two separate directions that maybe I should take myself to a psychiatrist. I have the sneaky suspicion that depression from living with a difficult child has just simply taken a hold on me and won't let go. I don't know if I can face going to a shrink again. They are all so young -- what can they understand? It's not so simple being older now.</p><p></p><p>Sorry for this vent -- it just sort of came out.</p><p></p><p>Love, Esther</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Estherfromjerusalem, post: 439555, member: 77"] Well, thanks Jo for what you wrote. I really think that all those years with a difficult child left me "not quite right" emotionally. I put up a good front to everybody -- my parents (when they were still alive), and my sisters to this day. Although one of them is easier to talk to than the other, and I have shared quite a lot with her, no one can really know what we go through, and how day in and day out it just wears us down. And then to multiply those days by years and years -- well, it's no wonder that here on Conductdisorders is really the only place I can say what I feel and just KNOW that there are those who understand. Nowhere else. And somehow, without that tension now, part of me doesn't know what to do with itself. It's not like a switch that goes off and on. I feel that something deep inside me has been damaged and is not yet whole again. Does that sound normal? I seem to have lost my ability to really enjoy myself. For example, I really love classical music and grew up in a house full of the sound of it from radio and records, and I sang in a choir for years, but today I cannot for the life of me get out to a concert, and I can't even face listening to it on the radio, although I get the profoundest joy if ever by mistake I do find myself listening. Lately I have had it suggested to me from two separate directions that maybe I should take myself to a psychiatrist. I have the sneaky suspicion that depression from living with a difficult child has just simply taken a hold on me and won't let go. I don't know if I can face going to a shrink again. They are all so young -- what can they understand? It's not so simple being older now. Sorry for this vent -- it just sort of came out. Love, Esther [/QUOTE]
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