I think I got what I want, so why do I still feel troubled?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy423, Nov 26, 2008.

  1. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    Our meeting was today. And overall it went quite well. The IEP/BIP is revised and the BIP is MUCH MUCH better than the flimsy stuff from last year. Of course this year the form changed and it's so confusing! Anyway, sounds like the staff is so willing to work with- her.

    We did find out that difficult child bit the substitute after the sub restrained her. So if this does go to court, I feel better about the defense.

    And I do believe we are going to get a neuropsychologist evaluation out of this! the entire team thought this would be very beneficial - cross your fingers! Our advocate said the doctor they use is very thourough and is very happy they agreed to send a request in.

    So after all this (2+ hours meeting) why don't i feel relieved?
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Big hugs for getting through this. It really is a big step, and you all did very well. I suspect that you don't feel relieved because it's too early. There's nothing here but a promise. Maybe the promise will work out, but you and your difficult child have been burned before by these people's promises before. Personally, I might have bitten the sub if she restrained me too. difficult child is a little girl, and she understands what the limits are on her just as well as what the response from the adults her around her is supposed to be. She's way too young to have thought out in advance that this substitute didn't know the rules. Hopefully this is a warning to the school that they need to better inform the subs working for them. At least, that's the legal take I would go with.

    I think you are right to keep yourself on the alert for how this pans out. It's the unknown, and children's personalities and moods are not written in stone. I think that once it has had a chance to come into play, you can feel more comfortable.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I agree with Witz. I spent about 2 years beating heads with people from elementary and middle schools about my son. I didn't blame them at first- his first real bad behavior at school was to steal from his teacher, then his principal, so that doesn't leave much motivation or effort on their part. Nevertheless, after the second year of middle school (the theft happened at elementary school), things started to get a little better. This was after I'd let them know that I had spoken to a Special Education attny, written countless letters to school board, brought in numerous letters from psychiatrists, etc.

    Anyway, it seemed that they took a turn, we actually got an iep in place that I couldn't complain about, and difficult child wanted to go to school and try. I felt just like you are describing here at first. As Witz points out, I think we just get used to watching our back and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think you're wise to keep an eye on things to make sure the school complies with the iep and that they keep on a good, positive track. In time, if they do this, you'll be able to breathe a little easier.

    I'm happy to say that while I still keep a watchful eye and scrutinize each IEP before signing it, I am finally to a point where I would once again feel a great deal of disappointment if the school switched to a negative approach with my difficult child again. Of course, that's because I no longer expect that they will, unless he went back to breaking the law at school again.

    I wish you the best- you're doing fine and I think it will be ok.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like a productive meeting! I'm sorry you're not feeling more relieved. I think sometimes (at least for me) it's that waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I agree as well, that when a "promise" is made we are smart enough now to know to wait until we see the actual "thing" whatever it may be carried out. So, your probably as the others said on guard right now, rightfully so.

    I spent countless mos. last year handling difficult child's issues at school with the social worker, school psychiatric, caseworker, handling it at "bldg level" due to their prompting and telling me that's the way it has to go before we request a hearing for an iep. Don't worry they told me next year we will proceed.

    Well, this year came and all those who had "promised" me this that and the other were denying everything and turned on me so to speak. They wouldn't even send the referral for the iep hearing to the board which their supposed to, they made me do it.

    So, your right on target with your feelings. your being an excellent and weary advocate for your little person. When you begin to see things actually happening i'm sure you will settle down and feel more at ease.

    Such a process it is, isn't it?? ugh!

  6. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Nancy423, Every child is differant and I have been so concerned for you because it is so much for our children to get their educations and to find their way in the social whwhirl.

    My son was a biter. And sad but true he was a biter who wasn't intending to hurt anyone but WOW biting is so offensive to people. And the fact that your daughter was being restrained by a sub is going to be important. Why didn't she call in the conselor who knows your daughter?

    I think that it is such an important time for you that it is difficult to feel confident that this process is going to bare fruit. It is annoying to me, and I do not know you or your child, that something ALWAYS has to happen to get these tests!

    And it is rough to have to put on your big mommy pants and be the adult when it feels really ackward. For me, anyway.

    What is important, though is that this is what is and it is in your childs best interest that you have as much evidenced based support as will give her access to this oppertunity.
    My son was both disrupted by the others in the class just because they were there AND disruptive to the class. Teaching is a very demanding proformance art as it is...and now they are having to really streach. It is improtant. they need what they need as well.
    The thing is where the tendency is toward frustration in learner for any reason it is like adding an extra layer on top of everything else that just slows progress and makes the effort so much more challenging.
    Once you have the support in her IEP(and hopefully the effective behavor helps that work for her) maybe the NEXT time their is a sub the rule will include who that works well with her that she knows will be "in charge" of your learner.
    It just sounds like a trapped situation for that one...all these things and then someone who is not known AND UPSET.
    For my son it worked out because great people were involved. But not everyone was and some were just so unprepared to the needs because for some they just do not get it.
    It would be nice if they would just step asside. FEss up "I can not do this" instead of pretend that it is the child. Some people do not jell. Some just need time to get aquainted and even though they are like interplanetary visitors to each other they manage to 'get' the other.
    And maybe you are not feeling more certain because they need to regain your confidenc. THE SCHOOL needs to meet the needs of the students. Not visa versa.
    The days of claiming johnny doesn''t want to read...are over.