I lost it this morning. I know I was yelling louder than difficult child was. It was like I had lost every shred of composure and was having the meltdown of all meltdowns. OK -got to back up and give a little history in what led to this disgraceful moment...
About two months ago, husband and I moved in to the tiny guestroom on the main floor and let each girl have their own room upstairs. There is a full bath in between both bedrooms. These are LARGE bedrooms. At least 2 to 3 times the square footage of the bedroom husband and I now occupy and they each had a walk in closet. difficult child and easy child said if they had their own rooms, the arguments would stop, that they would take care of their own rooms and their own belongings IF they had their own rooms. You guessed it. Didn't happen. easy child had done quite a bit better on the room situation than difficult child. This morning I had it with their bickering and yelling. Now it seems they can't share a bathroom, either. Both wait until the last 5 minutes to finish getting ready and difficult child seems to think she has to brush her teeth in private... I know there are times that privacy is needed and expected... but they have about 45 to 60 minutes to get ready and that does not involve showering or eating. difficult child gets bent out of shape because easy child doesn't do everything as soon as she demands it. But, when she is ready to go, no matter how long she has kept me waiting, she has no patience for waiting for easy child. Then, in the car, she demands that I hurry and take her to school... That was the last straw. I pulled over and put it in park until she was able to come up with some type of apology. I know it wasn't sincere, but after listening to 20 minutes of bickering and her bossing easy child around, I wasn't going to let her do that to me too.
I have felt physically sick since her/mine/easy child's outburst. Well, her and my outburst... poor easy child just cried. I told them that all this arguing and fighting just sucks every drop of joy and energy from my life, like leaches draining any chance for peace and happiness. I feel like my one goal in life was for them to enjoy life... and I can't even make that work. I would gladly give up anything if it meant a better life for them... but nothing makes difficult child happy. Well, getting her own way for everything definitely makes her easier to live with.
Earlier this week she asked me if we would give her a purity ring... as some other girls at school has one. I think it is a nice idea... but she would have to start dressing modestly if I wanted to think she was serious. Why is it 14 year old girls think they should dress like a stripper? I went shopping with her for winter shoes/boots, and she wanted 5 inch heels! I am just so angry and I can't let it go. I know it is making me sick and keeping me from making things better... but I really don't know how to make it better. She lies to me, and has really gotten quite good at it. She is only pleasant to me if she wants something. I know some things are typical teen but I am so tired of feeling used. I can't even fix a meal without her getting upset because "this isn't what I am hungry for" or other such nonsense. Last night, she wouldn't eat a tossed salad because there was chopped boiled egg. Now she doesn't eat eggs. A salad should consist of iceberg lettuce and ranch dressing. The only extras she will eat is bacon and croutons. She won't eat a vegetable or a fruit item. Just sweets, starches and meats.
She doesn't take care of her belongings, her clothes, her electronics, her homework, or even keep putting on the acne medicine I buy. She wants stylish things... but doesn't want easy child to receive any. "Because I am older and I should have more/nicer things than she does". It makes it even worse, as they can wear the same tops, but she doesn't want to share. If I buy new socks or underwear, she takes all the new stuff and hides it - making sure that easy child gets the old stuff. It makes we want to do less and less for her. She is so needy. easy child is a good kid - but she is resenting her sister big time.
Even though she is 2 years older than easy child - easy child is embarassed by her actions around other kids. She always wants to give everyone hugs... even though some people don't like it. And she clings to people... easy child has told me that some kids can't stand her because she acts so over the top. I have tried therapy, but insurance limits us... and difficult child doesn't open up to the therapists. It is 10 times worse at home than difficult child would admit to.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I am at my wits end. KSM
About two months ago, husband and I moved in to the tiny guestroom on the main floor and let each girl have their own room upstairs. There is a full bath in between both bedrooms. These are LARGE bedrooms. At least 2 to 3 times the square footage of the bedroom husband and I now occupy and they each had a walk in closet. difficult child and easy child said if they had their own rooms, the arguments would stop, that they would take care of their own rooms and their own belongings IF they had their own rooms. You guessed it. Didn't happen. easy child had done quite a bit better on the room situation than difficult child. This morning I had it with their bickering and yelling. Now it seems they can't share a bathroom, either. Both wait until the last 5 minutes to finish getting ready and difficult child seems to think she has to brush her teeth in private... I know there are times that privacy is needed and expected... but they have about 45 to 60 minutes to get ready and that does not involve showering or eating. difficult child gets bent out of shape because easy child doesn't do everything as soon as she demands it. But, when she is ready to go, no matter how long she has kept me waiting, she has no patience for waiting for easy child. Then, in the car, she demands that I hurry and take her to school... That was the last straw. I pulled over and put it in park until she was able to come up with some type of apology. I know it wasn't sincere, but after listening to 20 minutes of bickering and her bossing easy child around, I wasn't going to let her do that to me too.
I have felt physically sick since her/mine/easy child's outburst. Well, her and my outburst... poor easy child just cried. I told them that all this arguing and fighting just sucks every drop of joy and energy from my life, like leaches draining any chance for peace and happiness. I feel like my one goal in life was for them to enjoy life... and I can't even make that work. I would gladly give up anything if it meant a better life for them... but nothing makes difficult child happy. Well, getting her own way for everything definitely makes her easier to live with.
Earlier this week she asked me if we would give her a purity ring... as some other girls at school has one. I think it is a nice idea... but she would have to start dressing modestly if I wanted to think she was serious. Why is it 14 year old girls think they should dress like a stripper? I went shopping with her for winter shoes/boots, and she wanted 5 inch heels! I am just so angry and I can't let it go. I know it is making me sick and keeping me from making things better... but I really don't know how to make it better. She lies to me, and has really gotten quite good at it. She is only pleasant to me if she wants something. I know some things are typical teen but I am so tired of feeling used. I can't even fix a meal without her getting upset because "this isn't what I am hungry for" or other such nonsense. Last night, she wouldn't eat a tossed salad because there was chopped boiled egg. Now she doesn't eat eggs. A salad should consist of iceberg lettuce and ranch dressing. The only extras she will eat is bacon and croutons. She won't eat a vegetable or a fruit item. Just sweets, starches and meats.
She doesn't take care of her belongings, her clothes, her electronics, her homework, or even keep putting on the acne medicine I buy. She wants stylish things... but doesn't want easy child to receive any. "Because I am older and I should have more/nicer things than she does". It makes it even worse, as they can wear the same tops, but she doesn't want to share. If I buy new socks or underwear, she takes all the new stuff and hides it - making sure that easy child gets the old stuff. It makes we want to do less and less for her. She is so needy. easy child is a good kid - but she is resenting her sister big time.
Even though she is 2 years older than easy child - easy child is embarassed by her actions around other kids. She always wants to give everyone hugs... even though some people don't like it. And she clings to people... easy child has told me that some kids can't stand her because she acts so over the top. I have tried therapy, but insurance limits us... and difficult child doesn't open up to the therapists. It is 10 times worse at home than difficult child would admit to.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I am at my wits end. KSM