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I think I know why...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 421538" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Shari, </p><p> </p><p>Why Xbil? Well this may sound weird, and I don't know your family history but I'll tell you a smidge of mine. My ex was NEVER there for me. Even the day I brought Dude home from the hospital? He wasn't there - he was out using drugs. Heck - the "showboat" part was over, now it was work-so why would he be there. I'll never forget coming down in that elevator in a wheelchair all alone, stupid balloons tied to that chair and feeling like a pregnant teen wheeled out to my car. Driven by my Mom. Not what I had pictured at all. Then the power steering belt broke, ac stopped working and in FL heat wasn't that fun? Yeah - You can bet when we got back to the house I was in less than a good mood, but who would walk down to see the baby? My Xbil. </p><p> </p><p>He wasn't a prince by any means, he still isn't. He's a functional-non-functional drunk at best. He wasn't what you would call a stand up guy either, he just told it like it was. Never mind that, he was there to see his nephew, and he had made it up to the hospital. Over the years no matter how bad it was, or got? He was in the background, and again never felt sorry for me, but something he said without him even knowing I had heard it or rather over heard it - that had made me cry actually really got me thinking about why I was even with his brother. It wasn't that he was in love with me, it was that he had said I was a good woman, a beautiful woman, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why I was so stupid to stay with his brother. So in other words, what he really thought-was said, and I heard it. His brother was so lucky, and I was an idiot. </p><p> </p><p>Today? He's the ONLY member of that "clan'' that helps my son. I'm actually touched that he has a heart, and if there is such a thing as caring in their family? I believe he got the only dose. It's nothing monitarily, it's more of a mentor-teacher-helper thing. Just to let my kid know that he sees him, and explain that his Father has hurt a lot of people; even him and how it was when we were married from that side of the family's p.o.v. It's helped my son's anger towards me. I guess I wasn't supposed to know, but I know, and he knows how hard I tried, and how truly bad it was. He couldn't pick sides - it was his brother, but I think he did feel a certain amount of guilt over it all. I'll never know, but I am glad to see he has taken an interest in his nephew. </p><p> </p><p>So maybe it's not so much that there is a dislike with your husband in this instance, but just a validation of your former lifes struggles that someone finally came forward and recognized pain, hurt, struggle, strength, tenacity in YOU....maybe the whole thing had nothing to do with your husband, but maybe it had everything to do with finally being recognized for the woman that you've been all these years and the crying and release on both your parts was his guilt for never being able to say anything against his brother, and you finally being recognized? Throw in the tremendous stress of thinking you were going to loose your foot, and what that would mean in your life now? I think it's probably likely that you weren't considering your current husband at all - I don't think you consider him now when thinking about how to do things around the farm anyway. You take on an awful lot yourself - so loosing a foot - I'm not sure your first thought would have been - WOW how am I going to delegate all these chores of mine to husband with one foot. I rather think your thoughts would have been - HOW am I going to do all these chores with one foot in a few months? Or how bad is husband going to mess things up between now and then until I can straighten them OUT with one foot? </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes I am gently reminded by DF - who is disabled that if I don't at least allow him the courtesty of trying - He may as well not even try because I just go ahead and do it anyway, because I'm faster, and think I'm stronger, and can do it my way. Occasionally you know - there may be another way of doing things....Not necessarilly MY way - but if I wasn't there to do it - It may get done.....but if I keep jumping up and doing it - why should he bother? </p><p> </p><p>A lot of times I know I can do things faster and my way may be better - I'm trying to learn to allow him the courtesty of doing things his way and not being such a ram-rod. </p><p> </p><p>I dunno - but I guess now you are blessed with a little bit of my sad history too. lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 421538, member: 4964"] Hi Shari, Why Xbil? Well this may sound weird, and I don't know your family history but I'll tell you a smidge of mine. My ex was NEVER there for me. Even the day I brought Dude home from the hospital? He wasn't there - he was out using drugs. Heck - the "showboat" part was over, now it was work-so why would he be there. I'll never forget coming down in that elevator in a wheelchair all alone, stupid balloons tied to that chair and feeling like a pregnant teen wheeled out to my car. Driven by my Mom. Not what I had pictured at all. Then the power steering belt broke, ac stopped working and in FL heat wasn't that fun? Yeah - You can bet when we got back to the house I was in less than a good mood, but who would walk down to see the baby? My Xbil. He wasn't a prince by any means, he still isn't. He's a functional-non-functional drunk at best. He wasn't what you would call a stand up guy either, he just told it like it was. Never mind that, he was there to see his nephew, and he had made it up to the hospital. Over the years no matter how bad it was, or got? He was in the background, and again never felt sorry for me, but something he said without him even knowing I had heard it or rather over heard it - that had made me cry actually really got me thinking about why I was even with his brother. It wasn't that he was in love with me, it was that he had said I was a good woman, a beautiful woman, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why I was so stupid to stay with his brother. So in other words, what he really thought-was said, and I heard it. His brother was so lucky, and I was an idiot. Today? He's the ONLY member of that "clan'' that helps my son. I'm actually touched that he has a heart, and if there is such a thing as caring in their family? I believe he got the only dose. It's nothing monitarily, it's more of a mentor-teacher-helper thing. Just to let my kid know that he sees him, and explain that his Father has hurt a lot of people; even him and how it was when we were married from that side of the family's p.o.v. It's helped my son's anger towards me. I guess I wasn't supposed to know, but I know, and he knows how hard I tried, and how truly bad it was. He couldn't pick sides - it was his brother, but I think he did feel a certain amount of guilt over it all. I'll never know, but I am glad to see he has taken an interest in his nephew. So maybe it's not so much that there is a dislike with your husband in this instance, but just a validation of your former lifes struggles that someone finally came forward and recognized pain, hurt, struggle, strength, tenacity in YOU....maybe the whole thing had nothing to do with your husband, but maybe it had everything to do with finally being recognized for the woman that you've been all these years and the crying and release on both your parts was his guilt for never being able to say anything against his brother, and you finally being recognized? Throw in the tremendous stress of thinking you were going to loose your foot, and what that would mean in your life now? I think it's probably likely that you weren't considering your current husband at all - I don't think you consider him now when thinking about how to do things around the farm anyway. You take on an awful lot yourself - so loosing a foot - I'm not sure your first thought would have been - WOW how am I going to delegate all these chores of mine to husband with one foot. I rather think your thoughts would have been - HOW am I going to do all these chores with one foot in a few months? Or how bad is husband going to mess things up between now and then until I can straighten them OUT with one foot? Sometimes I am gently reminded by DF - who is disabled that if I don't at least allow him the courtesty of trying - He may as well not even try because I just go ahead and do it anyway, because I'm faster, and think I'm stronger, and can do it my way. Occasionally you know - there may be another way of doing things....Not necessarilly MY way - but if I wasn't there to do it - It may get done.....but if I keep jumping up and doing it - why should he bother? A lot of times I know I can do things faster and my way may be better - I'm trying to learn to allow him the courtesty of doing things his way and not being such a ram-rod. I dunno - but I guess now you are blessed with a little bit of my sad history too. lol [/QUOTE]
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