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I think I know why...
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 421602" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>I haven't always been the one 'in charge'. We are both very different than when this all started...but the gist of it is, we used to work together. Things really started to go downhill when the gas prices skyrocketed. Prior to that, husband paid for anything "extra" for the family as a whole. I paid the set bills. If we ate out, he bought. Camping trips, he paid. Etc. When gas prices went up, he stopped paying those things...he spends a one to two hundred a week on gas, lunch, and lottery tickets, and while I think that's too much, I never said anything. So as more fell to me financially, instead of seeing it and calling it out then, I just did what I do...I fixed it. In hanging out with husband at his parents' place, I had watched his sister's now ex work on a LOT of vehicles, and realized that I could do a lot of what he was doing. I saw an opporunity to save myself some serious money. So, I started working on my own vehicles, and husband stayed home and watched Wee. Except, that's all he did...watch Wee. If Wee pulled out every pot and pan in the kitchen, he watched Wee do it. I started to grump then, but not loud enough. And eventually, husband has come to think its perfectly ok to continue this pattern. Heck, who wouldn't? But he hasn't always been this way. Was it ever 50/50? No. But I never expected it to be, and never do expect it to be.</p><p> </p><p>And really, trusting husband? I don't at all, and I don't know how to get that back. This isn't the first time he's left me hanging in a similar situation...its just by far the most serious, and the first time I've really said enough is enough. I had surgery a couple years ago, and it was, again, my mom and exMIL who held things together til I was on my feet again. And when I had mono....same thing. He was not there. This was just an incident that I would think even the biggest slacker would suck it up and be there. And...he wasn't. My kid went to school and out smelling like **** cause husband wouldn't wash the clothes. Food rotted in the fridge. I had one arm and one leg and was not allowed to even rest my foot on the floor when I walked, and he sat in that chair and watched me balance on my crutches with one arm and use my good leg to both walk and kick a laundry baskets of clothes to the laundry to wash. I DID leave it to him to do. I left it for days. And he never did it. When easy child 1 and I came up with the rolly stool so I could get around and do some things, husband was totally against it. He hated the idea. Yet he wasn't doing any of the things that had to be done. And I'm not even close to dusting and sweeping...I'm talking basic neccessities of living. </p><p> </p><p>When I got back on my feet, it took me 3 nights to clean off the kitchen table because he had it piled so deep (just like the Brooms). There's still things in the kitchen that belong to his folks that are just piled in corners, similar to his mom's house.</p><p> </p><p>I entirely stepped out of the roof situation. Well, 99.9%. He wanted to call the same exBIL and just have him come fix it (and exBIL would, in a heartbeat, for me) because "exBIL used to live in this house, and he'd know how to fix it". I said no. He was not dumping that on exBIL's plate, husband is 46 years old, its time to grow up and handle something. Other than that, I stayed out of it and allowed him to own it. I allowed it to fester for 6 months until the ceiling was just about to fall in before I even said any more about it. It is still not finished, tho the leak is stopped.</p><p> </p><p>When I ask him what I need to do differently, he says nothing, I'm fine. When I ask him if he thinks my complaints are valid, he agrees they are. He agrees I shouldn't have to do what I'm doing. But until we saw the counselor, he did nothing to do any different. And now? He thinks putting dishes in the dishwasher is enough to call carrying his share of the load. News flash. Its not.</p><p> </p><p>I am not physically capable of doing what I did before. Whether I want to or not, things must change. Either he steps up, and I'm willing to give that time...or my workload will be reduced.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 421602, member: 1848"] I haven't always been the one 'in charge'. We are both very different than when this all started...but the gist of it is, we used to work together. Things really started to go downhill when the gas prices skyrocketed. Prior to that, husband paid for anything "extra" for the family as a whole. I paid the set bills. If we ate out, he bought. Camping trips, he paid. Etc. When gas prices went up, he stopped paying those things...he spends a one to two hundred a week on gas, lunch, and lottery tickets, and while I think that's too much, I never said anything. So as more fell to me financially, instead of seeing it and calling it out then, I just did what I do...I fixed it. In hanging out with husband at his parents' place, I had watched his sister's now ex work on a LOT of vehicles, and realized that I could do a lot of what he was doing. I saw an opporunity to save myself some serious money. So, I started working on my own vehicles, and husband stayed home and watched Wee. Except, that's all he did...watch Wee. If Wee pulled out every pot and pan in the kitchen, he watched Wee do it. I started to grump then, but not loud enough. And eventually, husband has come to think its perfectly ok to continue this pattern. Heck, who wouldn't? But he hasn't always been this way. Was it ever 50/50? No. But I never expected it to be, and never do expect it to be. And really, trusting husband? I don't at all, and I don't know how to get that back. This isn't the first time he's left me hanging in a similar situation...its just by far the most serious, and the first time I've really said enough is enough. I had surgery a couple years ago, and it was, again, my mom and exMIL who held things together til I was on my feet again. And when I had mono....same thing. He was not there. This was just an incident that I would think even the biggest slacker would suck it up and be there. And...he wasn't. My kid went to school and out smelling like **** cause husband wouldn't wash the clothes. Food rotted in the fridge. I had one arm and one leg and was not allowed to even rest my foot on the floor when I walked, and he sat in that chair and watched me balance on my crutches with one arm and use my good leg to both walk and kick a laundry baskets of clothes to the laundry to wash. I DID leave it to him to do. I left it for days. And he never did it. When easy child 1 and I came up with the rolly stool so I could get around and do some things, husband was totally against it. He hated the idea. Yet he wasn't doing any of the things that had to be done. And I'm not even close to dusting and sweeping...I'm talking basic neccessities of living. When I got back on my feet, it took me 3 nights to clean off the kitchen table because he had it piled so deep (just like the Brooms). There's still things in the kitchen that belong to his folks that are just piled in corners, similar to his mom's house. I entirely stepped out of the roof situation. Well, 99.9%. He wanted to call the same exBIL and just have him come fix it (and exBIL would, in a heartbeat, for me) because "exBIL used to live in this house, and he'd know how to fix it". I said no. He was not dumping that on exBIL's plate, husband is 46 years old, its time to grow up and handle something. Other than that, I stayed out of it and allowed him to own it. I allowed it to fester for 6 months until the ceiling was just about to fall in before I even said any more about it. It is still not finished, tho the leak is stopped. When I ask him what I need to do differently, he says nothing, I'm fine. When I ask him if he thinks my complaints are valid, he agrees they are. He agrees I shouldn't have to do what I'm doing. But until we saw the counselor, he did nothing to do any different. And now? He thinks putting dishes in the dishwasher is enough to call carrying his share of the load. News flash. Its not. I am not physically capable of doing what I did before. Whether I want to or not, things must change. Either he steps up, and I'm willing to give that time...or my workload will be reduced. [/QUOTE]
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