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General Parenting
I think I messed up (long vent)
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<blockquote data-quote="Woofens" data-source="post: 237583" data-attributes="member: 4425"><p>AS most of you know, easy child S broke her nose last week. She missed some school because of it, and the surgery last Monday. Well, difficult child J refused to go to school Tuesday AM because S wasn't going. Full blown rage, kicking screaming, head butting, name calling. He has already missed 19.5 days this year, and we are only allowed 20 per year. School refusal, to us, means a trip back to psychiatric hospital. Well, his (alcoholic doesn't think there is anything wrong with difficult child) father is totally against him going back to psychiatric hospital. So I called dad Tuesday morning. Your son is refusing to go to school, I need your help. He says what do you want me to do? I said get over here and take him. He says no, this is your problem, you did this to him, your bad parenting made him this way, and I'm not going to get out of bed to take him to school. I told him that was fine but I didn't want to hear a single word when difficult child ended up back in psychiatric hospital. He tells me I am not to re-admit him. I said then come do something. He refused. I ended the conversation by telling him he was pretty much worthless and hanging up on him.</p><p></p><p>Then... (this was my mess up) I proceeded to tell the kids the whole truth about their dad. How his drinking is more important to him than they are, how he blows them off because he is hung over, that they don't stay the night at his house because then he can't drink. I know I shouldn't have but I was just at the end of my rope. </p><p></p><p>difficult child J did go to school, but only when Mike was calling in someone to cover for him to take him to school.</p><p></p><p>Well, this is the kids weekend to go with their dad. Yesterday, difficult child got up and asked if he could go to work with Mike for the day. We reminded him that this was dad's weekend, and he said he didn't care. easy child S had a birthday party to go to, and wanted to do that instead. So when their dad called, he says to me, I'm on my way to pick up my kids, I told him that difficult child was with Mike and S had a party. He gets nasty with me and says then I'm not coming. No matter that easy child T was here and wanted to see him.</p><p></p><p>Last night we asked the kids if they wanted to go with dad today. difficult child and easy child S both said no, they want to stay here, because Daddy isn't being honest with them. easy child T wants to see him, but I know that he won't come to just get her.</p><p></p><p>What should I do? Do I admit to him that I went off about him to the kids? Do I tell the kids I was wrong for saying those things? I was honest with them. Do I try to force the kids to go with him for the day? I have sole custody of the kids, and there is no visitation order in place. We have always been able to work visitation out between the 2 of us. If pushed, I can get supervised visitation made mandatory, because of his DUI's and involuntary rehab. I just don't know what to do <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Janis</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Woofens, post: 237583, member: 4425"] AS most of you know, easy child S broke her nose last week. She missed some school because of it, and the surgery last Monday. Well, difficult child J refused to go to school Tuesday AM because S wasn't going. Full blown rage, kicking screaming, head butting, name calling. He has already missed 19.5 days this year, and we are only allowed 20 per year. School refusal, to us, means a trip back to psychiatric hospital. Well, his (alcoholic doesn't think there is anything wrong with difficult child) father is totally against him going back to psychiatric hospital. So I called dad Tuesday morning. Your son is refusing to go to school, I need your help. He says what do you want me to do? I said get over here and take him. He says no, this is your problem, you did this to him, your bad parenting made him this way, and I'm not going to get out of bed to take him to school. I told him that was fine but I didn't want to hear a single word when difficult child ended up back in psychiatric hospital. He tells me I am not to re-admit him. I said then come do something. He refused. I ended the conversation by telling him he was pretty much worthless and hanging up on him. Then... (this was my mess up) I proceeded to tell the kids the whole truth about their dad. How his drinking is more important to him than they are, how he blows them off because he is hung over, that they don't stay the night at his house because then he can't drink. I know I shouldn't have but I was just at the end of my rope. difficult child J did go to school, but only when Mike was calling in someone to cover for him to take him to school. Well, this is the kids weekend to go with their dad. Yesterday, difficult child got up and asked if he could go to work with Mike for the day. We reminded him that this was dad's weekend, and he said he didn't care. easy child S had a birthday party to go to, and wanted to do that instead. So when their dad called, he says to me, I'm on my way to pick up my kids, I told him that difficult child was with Mike and S had a party. He gets nasty with me and says then I'm not coming. No matter that easy child T was here and wanted to see him. Last night we asked the kids if they wanted to go with dad today. difficult child and easy child S both said no, they want to stay here, because Daddy isn't being honest with them. easy child T wants to see him, but I know that he won't come to just get her. What should I do? Do I admit to him that I went off about him to the kids? Do I tell the kids I was wrong for saying those things? I was honest with them. Do I try to force the kids to go with him for the day? I have sole custody of the kids, and there is no visitation order in place. We have always been able to work visitation out between the 2 of us. If pushed, I can get supervised visitation made mandatory, because of his DUI's and involuntary rehab. I just don't know what to do :( Hugs Janis [/QUOTE]
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