Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I think the worst is over..... for now
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 513892" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>"The cost of admission into your childs world of mental illness is your sanity. " </p><p></p><p>Brilliantly put. I think I shall print that out and paste it EVERYWHERE. Thank you so much for that. Very deep. </p><p></p><p>Don't ever underestimate the healing power of your tears. For as much as you may or sometimes feel like you failed her? You did nothing of the sort. It's sometimes hard to see that when your expectations for your only child are (raises hand up over head) and her accomplishments of what you see through your eyes are (makes hand wave around neck) here. Over the years? I've had to readjust and readjust and readjust to the point where at one point I finally just threw my hands up in therapy and said "Well just what SHOULD I expect of him? NOTHING?" I mean when they're born we all fantasize about how phenominal they'll be -Doctors, Veterinarians, Cure for Cancer - right here in my arms. Then they learn to talk, and walk and OH my gosh even potty train and aren't they genius? And so it goes until you really start to see things that are odd, out of kilter, and you at first chalk it up to a bad day, a fever, coming down with a cold.....mean kids a school, stress at home - growing pains. Then eventually those behaviors snow ball, and the next thing you know you feel like you have a dart board on your head and the school board is playing "cricket" on your face, with your childs future - and YOU ARE A BAD MOM. </p><p></p><p>I swear to you I wish I could go back through school with my son NOW - KNOWING what I do NOW and do it all over again, because I sure wouldn't let the likes of them EVER set the bar for me or my son - OR My parenting skills -and they'd NEVER have gotten the chance to tell ME that I did a single thing wrong unless they had degrees out the wazoo. They didn't much after the 9th grade - but they sure did the best they could to make me feel insignificant for years. And I let them. And I let a lot of people make me feel that way about how I handled raising a child with issues. </p><p></p><p>Now I look back and I think- You know what? I didn't do so bad after all. I'm still a nice person. I still have core values. I still have a son that despite all his disadvantages TRIES...every single day of his life - to be better than he was the day before...and he doesn't get a break from society to do it - so he's up against MONSTROUS odds...like trying to paddle in a whirlpool and get out - and he does it EVERYDAY - no matter what. And for that? I'm pretty proud of my parenting skills because quite frankly there really WASN'T a lot of help or advice or manuals to come to my aid and say "OKAY we've seen your son, and we know exactly what to do - and if you DO THIS? He'll be fine in six weeks. Nope - there wasn't ANYTHING like that - and there STILL ISN"T for parents that are STILL struggling. There's just support, and people like us that say - THIS worked for me, that didn't. This helped me keep my sanity - THAT will kill you slowly and it won't help YOUR KID one bit - trust us - we've been there. So for all that there IS NOT out in the world to help parents like us? </p><p>For as many different individual seemingly endless combinations of co-morbids that seem to plague our kids and our families? ANd how we've managed to stay afloat and get by? And still HELP our kids AND each other? </p><p></p><p>I think that qualifies us as one of the most unique groups of people on the planet. We've never given up hope, we've never given up encouragement, we've never given up support and mostly - we've never given up our faiths. Which to me is above all most important because without it? I wouldn't have anything to give because I give what I get,and from my prayers - I get a lot to give back, but only through Him. </p><p></p><p>Maybe you think you haven't helped your daughter -------but maybe you could look at it like this RA - </p><p></p><p>I helped my daughter so much in the last few weeks - that she's actually NOT living in someones back yard, in a tent, with her cats in her car - she managed to keep them all (whichin todays economy is a feat in itself for anyone jobless) She obeyed most of our rules, and when things got too tough for her? She wasnt' FURTHER disrespectful - she left. So she DID remember a great deal of things I taught her and was able to find shelter for her and her cats, remove her car, HONOR a time-line obligation of moving - find money for gas - and pack and leave - ALL WITH - a mental illness - and without YOU, YOUR HELP? YOUR SUPPORT? YOUR PUSH? She very well could still be - IN A TENT - sleeping 12 hours a day - </p><p></p><p>So that's my look at the rainbow in the sky that is there - even if it hasn't rained and you can't see it lesson for today - YOU DONE GOOD MOM. (and now I need another English lesson) </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 513892, member: 4964"] "The cost of admission into your childs world of mental illness is your sanity. " Brilliantly put. I think I shall print that out and paste it EVERYWHERE. Thank you so much for that. Very deep. Don't ever underestimate the healing power of your tears. For as much as you may or sometimes feel like you failed her? You did nothing of the sort. It's sometimes hard to see that when your expectations for your only child are (raises hand up over head) and her accomplishments of what you see through your eyes are (makes hand wave around neck) here. Over the years? I've had to readjust and readjust and readjust to the point where at one point I finally just threw my hands up in therapy and said "Well just what SHOULD I expect of him? NOTHING?" I mean when they're born we all fantasize about how phenominal they'll be -Doctors, Veterinarians, Cure for Cancer - right here in my arms. Then they learn to talk, and walk and OH my gosh even potty train and aren't they genius? And so it goes until you really start to see things that are odd, out of kilter, and you at first chalk it up to a bad day, a fever, coming down with a cold.....mean kids a school, stress at home - growing pains. Then eventually those behaviors snow ball, and the next thing you know you feel like you have a dart board on your head and the school board is playing "cricket" on your face, with your childs future - and YOU ARE A BAD MOM. I swear to you I wish I could go back through school with my son NOW - KNOWING what I do NOW and do it all over again, because I sure wouldn't let the likes of them EVER set the bar for me or my son - OR My parenting skills -and they'd NEVER have gotten the chance to tell ME that I did a single thing wrong unless they had degrees out the wazoo. They didn't much after the 9th grade - but they sure did the best they could to make me feel insignificant for years. And I let them. And I let a lot of people make me feel that way about how I handled raising a child with issues. Now I look back and I think- You know what? I didn't do so bad after all. I'm still a nice person. I still have core values. I still have a son that despite all his disadvantages TRIES...every single day of his life - to be better than he was the day before...and he doesn't get a break from society to do it - so he's up against MONSTROUS odds...like trying to paddle in a whirlpool and get out - and he does it EVERYDAY - no matter what. And for that? I'm pretty proud of my parenting skills because quite frankly there really WASN'T a lot of help or advice or manuals to come to my aid and say "OKAY we've seen your son, and we know exactly what to do - and if you DO THIS? He'll be fine in six weeks. Nope - there wasn't ANYTHING like that - and there STILL ISN"T for parents that are STILL struggling. There's just support, and people like us that say - THIS worked for me, that didn't. This helped me keep my sanity - THAT will kill you slowly and it won't help YOUR KID one bit - trust us - we've been there. So for all that there IS NOT out in the world to help parents like us? For as many different individual seemingly endless combinations of co-morbids that seem to plague our kids and our families? ANd how we've managed to stay afloat and get by? And still HELP our kids AND each other? I think that qualifies us as one of the most unique groups of people on the planet. We've never given up hope, we've never given up encouragement, we've never given up support and mostly - we've never given up our faiths. Which to me is above all most important because without it? I wouldn't have anything to give because I give what I get,and from my prayers - I get a lot to give back, but only through Him. Maybe you think you haven't helped your daughter -------but maybe you could look at it like this RA - I helped my daughter so much in the last few weeks - that she's actually NOT living in someones back yard, in a tent, with her cats in her car - she managed to keep them all (whichin todays economy is a feat in itself for anyone jobless) She obeyed most of our rules, and when things got too tough for her? She wasnt' FURTHER disrespectful - she left. So she DID remember a great deal of things I taught her and was able to find shelter for her and her cats, remove her car, HONOR a time-line obligation of moving - find money for gas - and pack and leave - ALL WITH - a mental illness - and without YOU, YOUR HELP? YOUR SUPPORT? YOUR PUSH? She very well could still be - IN A TENT - sleeping 12 hours a day - So that's my look at the rainbow in the sky that is there - even if it hasn't rained and you can't see it lesson for today - YOU DONE GOOD MOM. (and now I need another English lesson) Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I think the worst is over..... for now
Top