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I threw my son out of the house, wondering what else I could have done...
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<blockquote data-quote="Sohmer" data-source="post: 403122" data-attributes="member: 11038"><p>Thank you I appreciate it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Nope. Maybe a little anxiety when he was younger right after the divorce but we worked through that. It was more about being away from me when it occurred to. He was a straight A student, great kid, very popular, etc. He still is very popular and nice to everyone except his brother and me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, he started a new school in 8th grade for very smart children, had to apply and get accepted as did his little brother. He was popular and well adjusted off the bat, etc. Last Spring he got his first F on a test and then after that on a few quizzes. This is continuing into this year. He isn't failing classes but he isn't really trying either.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if the pressure of the school is too much, but his attitude about the bad grades is either he doesn't like the teacher and so he won't try, or he'll do better next year. This year, same thing.. mostly and A & B student but he got his first C final grade last marking period. I know its not an F, and its not the end of the world, but its his attitude about it all.... again he hates the teacher, its the teachers fault he doesn't know how to teach right, etc... so that is that and he won't try this year in that subject either. It seems if he doesn't do well he just gives up, makes excuses. yet he isn't doing well because he just isn't bothering at all. Wont do his homework, doesn't study, doesn't ask for help. I've always told the boys that I don't care what the grade is, as long as they put in an effort and know they are at least trying. He isn't even trying anymore it seems, or just enough to skate by. I've thought maybe he is depressed, but he doesn't act depressed. Its just concerning school that he is not motivated. Well, that and getting along with his family here. </p><p></p><p>I think this is also why he has started lashing out at his brother, who gets straight A's. And the lashing out at me started last year coming home from school too. Sure he could have been tired, but still he should try to control his temper. Now its ragging on my driving all the time. </p><p></p><p>The drugs and alcohol, no. I've checked believe me, and when he goes to any type of party the parents are always present. There is also a no drug/alcohol policy at his school, and the parents really help uphold that as well. Thus the supervised parties, etc.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>His father has never been on board with anything. He wasn't even on board when they were born, just worried is it would interfere in his life and with what he still wanted to do. And I don't say that lightly. Yet, he will take full credit for anything the children do, even though he has contributed nothing/barely anything to their achievements. And when this happens, ie an issue, he places all of the blame on something I must be doing. Tells me its my problem, take care of it myself, etc. I think you can see what kind of person he is based on that alone. </p><p></p><p>his father likes to go out, party, and do what he wants. He was raised being allowed to do whatever he wanted. This really lead to our divorce as well. He was never around, was always out (with other women), drinking, and only contributing what he wanted to. Kind of like with the kids, he only contributes time, or spends time with them, if he wants to do it to or can get something out of it. Very, very selfish person. And yes, he drinks but only socially.</p><p></p><p>I feel alone in this constantly, but I'm used to it. Nevertheless, it isn't easy and as you can see even I have a breaking point. And I worry about my son with him, as his father isn't the most responsible person. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks, but it still upsets me greatly. I mean I am not sure what else I could have done, but part of me feels like I abandoned a kid who needed help and just threw him out so I am a horrible mother. But I also feel like there just isn't any more I could take or put up with.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think my son is anxious, and could really use some help learning how to cope with his anxiety. But God forbid I ever tell his father that. I also think counseling would be great, even if we went together. I have no problem with that at all. I do not want his father with us though, because based on past experiences his father lies, and spends the entire time talking about himself anyway and nothing ever gets solved.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I feel the same way you know. If he is happier there and can control himself all the better for everyone. I will miss him, but in the end there has to be some peace.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have a sister who is bipolar so I have been paying attention to how he is acting. its more like he has a really short temper, gets angry very quickly, than he is acting bipolor though. He doesn't have these manic/depressive periods at all like she does. </p><p></p><p>I've checked for the drugs. I can't find anything and he really doesn't have all that much free time to take them either if that was the case. that is why I think its not.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, his father puts me down in front of the kids all the time. And recently its getting worse. I've basically called his dad on this in front of the kids when he does it by saying things like, is there a reason you are saying this in front of the children? And then he will be quite. Im pretty sure at this point, he has been doing it a lot more than I suspected. I wonder since Conor is doing this more now, his dad thinks he is cool or something stupid like that doing it to? Its all so messed up, who knows. His father also treats his girlfriend like dirt in front of the kids, as his grandfather treats his grandmother (ie Conors father's father)</p><p></p><p>Could all of this be coming from anxiety? Anxious about school, peer pressures, grades, etc? We might be moving closer to the school, maybe he thinks Im a loser because we cant afford to live so far away and that is why he is lashing out?</p><p></p><p>Regardless, it shouldn't go to such a level of animosity or hatred should it? I don't know, maybe that is at the root of all of this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sohmer, post: 403122, member: 11038"] Thank you I appreciate it. Nope. Maybe a little anxiety when he was younger right after the divorce but we worked through that. It was more about being away from me when it occurred to. He was a straight A student, great kid, very popular, etc. He still is very popular and nice to everyone except his brother and me. Well, he started a new school in 8th grade for very smart children, had to apply and get accepted as did his little brother. He was popular and well adjusted off the bat, etc. Last Spring he got his first F on a test and then after that on a few quizzes. This is continuing into this year. He isn't failing classes but he isn't really trying either. I don't know if the pressure of the school is too much, but his attitude about the bad grades is either he doesn't like the teacher and so he won't try, or he'll do better next year. This year, same thing.. mostly and A & B student but he got his first C final grade last marking period. I know its not an F, and its not the end of the world, but its his attitude about it all.... again he hates the teacher, its the teachers fault he doesn't know how to teach right, etc... so that is that and he won't try this year in that subject either. It seems if he doesn't do well he just gives up, makes excuses. yet he isn't doing well because he just isn't bothering at all. Wont do his homework, doesn't study, doesn't ask for help. I've always told the boys that I don't care what the grade is, as long as they put in an effort and know they are at least trying. He isn't even trying anymore it seems, or just enough to skate by. I've thought maybe he is depressed, but he doesn't act depressed. Its just concerning school that he is not motivated. Well, that and getting along with his family here. I think this is also why he has started lashing out at his brother, who gets straight A's. And the lashing out at me started last year coming home from school too. Sure he could have been tired, but still he should try to control his temper. Now its ragging on my driving all the time. The drugs and alcohol, no. I've checked believe me, and when he goes to any type of party the parents are always present. There is also a no drug/alcohol policy at his school, and the parents really help uphold that as well. Thus the supervised parties, etc. His father has never been on board with anything. He wasn't even on board when they were born, just worried is it would interfere in his life and with what he still wanted to do. And I don't say that lightly. Yet, he will take full credit for anything the children do, even though he has contributed nothing/barely anything to their achievements. And when this happens, ie an issue, he places all of the blame on something I must be doing. Tells me its my problem, take care of it myself, etc. I think you can see what kind of person he is based on that alone. his father likes to go out, party, and do what he wants. He was raised being allowed to do whatever he wanted. This really lead to our divorce as well. He was never around, was always out (with other women), drinking, and only contributing what he wanted to. Kind of like with the kids, he only contributes time, or spends time with them, if he wants to do it to or can get something out of it. Very, very selfish person. And yes, he drinks but only socially. I feel alone in this constantly, but I'm used to it. Nevertheless, it isn't easy and as you can see even I have a breaking point. And I worry about my son with him, as his father isn't the most responsible person. Thanks, but it still upsets me greatly. I mean I am not sure what else I could have done, but part of me feels like I abandoned a kid who needed help and just threw him out so I am a horrible mother. But I also feel like there just isn't any more I could take or put up with. I think my son is anxious, and could really use some help learning how to cope with his anxiety. But God forbid I ever tell his father that. I also think counseling would be great, even if we went together. I have no problem with that at all. I do not want his father with us though, because based on past experiences his father lies, and spends the entire time talking about himself anyway and nothing ever gets solved. I feel the same way you know. If he is happier there and can control himself all the better for everyone. I will miss him, but in the end there has to be some peace. I have a sister who is bipolar so I have been paying attention to how he is acting. its more like he has a really short temper, gets angry very quickly, than he is acting bipolor though. He doesn't have these manic/depressive periods at all like she does. I've checked for the drugs. I can't find anything and he really doesn't have all that much free time to take them either if that was the case. that is why I think its not. Well, his father puts me down in front of the kids all the time. And recently its getting worse. I've basically called his dad on this in front of the kids when he does it by saying things like, is there a reason you are saying this in front of the children? And then he will be quite. Im pretty sure at this point, he has been doing it a lot more than I suspected. I wonder since Conor is doing this more now, his dad thinks he is cool or something stupid like that doing it to? Its all so messed up, who knows. His father also treats his girlfriend like dirt in front of the kids, as his grandfather treats his grandmother (ie Conors father's father) Could all of this be coming from anxiety? Anxious about school, peer pressures, grades, etc? We might be moving closer to the school, maybe he thinks Im a loser because we cant afford to live so far away and that is why he is lashing out? Regardless, it shouldn't go to such a level of animosity or hatred should it? I don't know, maybe that is at the root of all of this. [/QUOTE]
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I threw my son out of the house, wondering what else I could have done...
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