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I threw my son out of the house, wondering what else I could have done...
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<blockquote data-quote="Sohmer" data-source="post: 403566" data-attributes="member: 11038"><p>I wanted to thank everyone for the replies so far, they are appreciated.</p><p></p><p>Ok to answer some questions.... it if def not drugs, or alcohol, or sexual abuse as far as I know. He basically doesn't go many places on his own, as at his school the kids come from up to an hour away, so friends are no closer than half and hour to us. It isn't like he goes over to anyones house to hang out, as he has let his friends that did go to his old school with him slip out of his life, ie the ones in town. He also is an athlete, and between after school practice and school, its straight home on weeknights. And on weekends, he is home and maybe once every month goes to a party at a friends house, parents are always home supervising as well.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>There is absolutely a disconnect in what we each view as parenting, and I think that is part of the problem. HIs father saw nothing wrong with how son was treating me. He also could have cared less that the son disrespected me. Because you know, when Conor was with him, everything is so wonderful between them, or so he says.</p><p></p><p>.</p><p></p><p>Yes, he has. And you make some good points. He definitely act differently around his father, he is much nicer to him, when dad says jump he jumps, etc. I can see that. Its so funny isn't it, the one that takes care of them when they are sick, nurtures them, is always there for them, etc isn't the one they respect even one bit. Im the one he lashes out at. Its all so messed up. I seriously don't even know what to think, or think what on Earth have I NOT done to have him act this way towards me? Depressing, in fact, now that I have had a week without him in this house, to realize just how angry he was, how he never was nice to his brother or I, in essence how much he basically hated us and let us know. </p><p></p><p>If he hates us so much, why on Earth didn't he just say he wanted to go live with his dad himself? Why didnt he just go on his own, instead of pushing and pushing until I didn't have a choice but to throw him out. Did he do this on purpose? Im rambling, I know, but now that is it quiet I have more time to think.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have told him that if he comes home there will be rules etc. Apparently, he isn't coming home at all because his little brother IM"s with him, basically they aren't nice to each other on this, and when I saw this I told little brother the Iming with name calling was going to stop immediately. His little brother has said he doesn't even view him as a brother because all he does is put him down and only speaks to him when he has something nasty to say. And I've realized that is pretty much true. But when I saw what they had IM'd each other, I also saw where the youngest said are you coming back here? and Conor said no, and when younger brother asked if he liked living with dad Conor said I do. So my heart sank a bit when I read that, because as much as I want the hostility to stop, and the fights to end and the attitude to get better, I have the feeling that he isn't coming back, maybe they really are two birds of a feather, and he belongs with his father if he is going to act like him. This makes me sad, believe it or not. After 10 years with him almost every day, even though the last few years have not been good, it still bothers me he isn't here I guess. Then I think... maybe I should not have thrown him out, etc. But I had to. I couldn't take it anymore and it was beyond discussing. He just hates me, is rude to me, etc. And it hurts :/</p><p></p><p>So, I don't think he's coming back. I don't think he will realize how rude he has been. I don't think myself or my younger son are going to ever really get along with him again at this point. And I don't think, even though he has been outed, his opinion of me is going to change. Now he lives with a man who will reinforce it to him 24/7. Basically, Im not his mother anymore. And this makes me sad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sohmer, post: 403566, member: 11038"] I wanted to thank everyone for the replies so far, they are appreciated. Ok to answer some questions.... it if def not drugs, or alcohol, or sexual abuse as far as I know. He basically doesn't go many places on his own, as at his school the kids come from up to an hour away, so friends are no closer than half and hour to us. It isn't like he goes over to anyones house to hang out, as he has let his friends that did go to his old school with him slip out of his life, ie the ones in town. He also is an athlete, and between after school practice and school, its straight home on weeknights. And on weekends, he is home and maybe once every month goes to a party at a friends house, parents are always home supervising as well. There is absolutely a disconnect in what we each view as parenting, and I think that is part of the problem. HIs father saw nothing wrong with how son was treating me. He also could have cared less that the son disrespected me. Because you know, when Conor was with him, everything is so wonderful between them, or so he says. . Yes, he has. And you make some good points. He definitely act differently around his father, he is much nicer to him, when dad says jump he jumps, etc. I can see that. Its so funny isn't it, the one that takes care of them when they are sick, nurtures them, is always there for them, etc isn't the one they respect even one bit. Im the one he lashes out at. Its all so messed up. I seriously don't even know what to think, or think what on Earth have I NOT done to have him act this way towards me? Depressing, in fact, now that I have had a week without him in this house, to realize just how angry he was, how he never was nice to his brother or I, in essence how much he basically hated us and let us know. If he hates us so much, why on Earth didn't he just say he wanted to go live with his dad himself? Why didnt he just go on his own, instead of pushing and pushing until I didn't have a choice but to throw him out. Did he do this on purpose? Im rambling, I know, but now that is it quiet I have more time to think. I have told him that if he comes home there will be rules etc. Apparently, he isn't coming home at all because his little brother IM"s with him, basically they aren't nice to each other on this, and when I saw this I told little brother the Iming with name calling was going to stop immediately. His little brother has said he doesn't even view him as a brother because all he does is put him down and only speaks to him when he has something nasty to say. And I've realized that is pretty much true. But when I saw what they had IM'd each other, I also saw where the youngest said are you coming back here? and Conor said no, and when younger brother asked if he liked living with dad Conor said I do. So my heart sank a bit when I read that, because as much as I want the hostility to stop, and the fights to end and the attitude to get better, I have the feeling that he isn't coming back, maybe they really are two birds of a feather, and he belongs with his father if he is going to act like him. This makes me sad, believe it or not. After 10 years with him almost every day, even though the last few years have not been good, it still bothers me he isn't here I guess. Then I think... maybe I should not have thrown him out, etc. But I had to. I couldn't take it anymore and it was beyond discussing. He just hates me, is rude to me, etc. And it hurts :/ So, I don't think he's coming back. I don't think he will realize how rude he has been. I don't think myself or my younger son are going to ever really get along with him again at this point. And I don't think, even though he has been outed, his opinion of me is going to change. Now he lives with a man who will reinforce it to him 24/7. Basically, Im not his mother anymore. And this makes me sad. [/QUOTE]
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I threw my son out of the house, wondering what else I could have done...
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