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General Parenting
I threw my son out of the house, wondering what else I could have done...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 403611" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I understand how this makes you sad. I think it is normal in your situation. I grieved a LOT when my son had to leave our home, even though I am the one who made the decision.</p><p> </p><p>You say it is strange that the one who was always there for them, loved and nurtured them, is the one they disrespect and the one who did very little for/with them gets all the respect. It really isn't, if you think about it. Your son does NOT know if his father loves or even cares about him. He KNOWS, down deep into his heart and soul, that you love him and always will love him no matter what. So he will do what he thnks he needs to in order to earn his dad's love and if it involves being awful to you, well, he knows you will love him anyway.</p><p> </p><p>WHat he needs to learn is that loving him does NOT mean tolerating his abuse and awful behavior. It will likely come in time. Another mom here had a similar situation - her difficult child was horrible to her and did all sorts of things right for his dad. Mom finally sent him to his dads and made him stay even though he asked right away to come home. He had to stay there until he had proven he could and WOULD behave respectfully and appropriately to her and to his little sister. It took a while, I think a year, and he came home and has been very different. he learned that no matter what dad said, dad was NOT there for him. Mom was, but he had to treat her right to live with her. in my opinion it is a very valuable life lesson. </p><p> </p><p>It may be time to stop communication between the boys unless you are there to monitor it so that the older one does not teach the younger one awful things or further abuse your younger son. It is absolutely your right to limit the boys' interactions if they are unhealthy. There are many books on sibling abuse that are eye opening to the long term problems taht it can cause. </p><p> </p><p>None of this is fun or easy, so be nice to yourself and let yourself grieve as you need to. It will take a while, but in time it can get better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 403611, member: 1233"] I understand how this makes you sad. I think it is normal in your situation. I grieved a LOT when my son had to leave our home, even though I am the one who made the decision. You say it is strange that the one who was always there for them, loved and nurtured them, is the one they disrespect and the one who did very little for/with them gets all the respect. It really isn't, if you think about it. Your son does NOT know if his father loves or even cares about him. He KNOWS, down deep into his heart and soul, that you love him and always will love him no matter what. So he will do what he thnks he needs to in order to earn his dad's love and if it involves being awful to you, well, he knows you will love him anyway. WHat he needs to learn is that loving him does NOT mean tolerating his abuse and awful behavior. It will likely come in time. Another mom here had a similar situation - her difficult child was horrible to her and did all sorts of things right for his dad. Mom finally sent him to his dads and made him stay even though he asked right away to come home. He had to stay there until he had proven he could and WOULD behave respectfully and appropriately to her and to his little sister. It took a while, I think a year, and he came home and has been very different. he learned that no matter what dad said, dad was NOT there for him. Mom was, but he had to treat her right to live with her. in my opinion it is a very valuable life lesson. It may be time to stop communication between the boys unless you are there to monitor it so that the older one does not teach the younger one awful things or further abuse your younger son. It is absolutely your right to limit the boys' interactions if they are unhealthy. There are many books on sibling abuse that are eye opening to the long term problems taht it can cause. None of this is fun or easy, so be nice to yourself and let yourself grieve as you need to. It will take a while, but in time it can get better. [/QUOTE]
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I threw my son out of the house, wondering what else I could have done...
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