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General Parenting
I threw my son out of the house, wondering what else I could have done...
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<blockquote data-quote="Sohmer" data-source="post: 403693" data-attributes="member: 11038"><p>I hear you, but sometimes I think by the way he acted he hates me. He has said before he blames me for the divorce, even to the point of saying that I am the reason he grew up without a father living with him. This was about 2 months ago, and I replied I think if you opened your eyes you would see why we got divorced and he replied "yes because of you. Thanks a lot." Meanwhile, we got divorced when he was 5 years old, and the reason was his father didn't want to be married and was running around on me. Some day Conor will realize this, but I doubt right now he would believe it. It seems he is hell bent on being angry at me. That and apparently behaving like his father does. Disrespectful and self centered. I guess its a good thing Conor likes to do what his father does, or like his younger brother he wouldn't spend any time with him at all.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Im wondering if it is one this child even wants to learn. I dont' know how he could ever go from speaking to me the way he has, and putting me down, and insulting me multiple times a day, to realizing "I was wrong, mom was there for me" All he seems to see, is my mom divorced my father, she is a stupid woman, and Im happier with my dad where I can do whatever I want. I just don't see him ever realizing this, he was too angry and mean and disrespectful with what he said.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think putting a stop to that type if IMing is a good call here. I know at school his little brother ignores him. To be honest, the youngest doesn't like his brother at all, he has been to mean to him and he says he is over it. He told me he wants his brothers room, wants to move in there and take it over. I even caught him in there the other day nosing around. I don't know if I should laugh or cry over that one.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, I've been upset all day today. I think I need to just take this all in, even the quiet, and adjust to it. It is an entirely different dynamic around here without him. Most of it good, no more fighting etc, but still in that its sad I suppose. Im just going to try to visualize it as he went off to college or something. Its not like he is gone forever. Maybe. I dont know.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I see what you are saying, maybe in time he will come to appreciate what I did for him. And he might not be sure, but for now he is happy he is there. Today he called for some more of this shirts etc and I said make a list I'll get your stuff together. And he said ok so I asked, probably shouldn't have but did, "are you ok? are you happy there?" and he said he was and was staying there. And I said thats ok because if thats the case maybe its better for everyone, because you certainly were not happy here. And he says, "I really wasn't happy there, its better here." and I said thats fine and that was that.</p><p></p><p>So I sit here and I am like.... ok, what here was he so miserable with that he lashed out all the freaking time? Rules? Being told to respect other people or to do his homework and get offline with the friend at 11 pm instead of 1 am on schoolnights? Do you know, when we leave for school in the morning, he would always make us get there right down to the wire. He'd leave at the last possible moment, meaning his brother and I are sitting in the car for 10 minutes and he is nowhere to be found and comes out when he is ready. I'd say you have to be ready by 7:30 or we will be late, and he would say we will leave when I say we will leave, and he meant it. Messed up yes. One day when he knew we had to be there early and made no effort to be ready and I found myself yelling at him to hurry up I thought, what am I doing? Im not yelling at him anymore and I left without him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well I think that is the call. Apparently he is never coming back here so, yep. But you are right, something had to be done.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, today for starters the kids are home, no school. When he called for his stuff, it was after 3 pm. I asked did you have lunch yet and he said no. Well, his father is at work all day today so I guess no lunch for him on his day off. And I thought to myself, your brother and I have had lunch, and I made brownies for dessert and dinner is in the oven. And I guess I feel sorry for him sitting there is no lunch while dinnertime is approaching, but since he likes it there so much better Im sure he is just fine.</p><p></p><p>No more mother for him, and he seems to be just fine and dandy with it all. </p><p></p><p>I guess I did do the right thing for all of us in the end. And if he is happy there, he won't really learn anything from any of this, except if you act angry and act out then you get to go live with someone who lets you do whatever you want, and never stops and says, maybe you conor should think about your actions a little bit.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sohmer, post: 403693, member: 11038"] I hear you, but sometimes I think by the way he acted he hates me. He has said before he blames me for the divorce, even to the point of saying that I am the reason he grew up without a father living with him. This was about 2 months ago, and I replied I think if you opened your eyes you would see why we got divorced and he replied "yes because of you. Thanks a lot." Meanwhile, we got divorced when he was 5 years old, and the reason was his father didn't want to be married and was running around on me. Some day Conor will realize this, but I doubt right now he would believe it. It seems he is hell bent on being angry at me. That and apparently behaving like his father does. Disrespectful and self centered. I guess its a good thing Conor likes to do what his father does, or like his younger brother he wouldn't spend any time with him at all. Im wondering if it is one this child even wants to learn. I dont' know how he could ever go from speaking to me the way he has, and putting me down, and insulting me multiple times a day, to realizing "I was wrong, mom was there for me" All he seems to see, is my mom divorced my father, she is a stupid woman, and Im happier with my dad where I can do whatever I want. I just don't see him ever realizing this, he was too angry and mean and disrespectful with what he said. I think putting a stop to that type if IMing is a good call here. I know at school his little brother ignores him. To be honest, the youngest doesn't like his brother at all, he has been to mean to him and he says he is over it. He told me he wants his brothers room, wants to move in there and take it over. I even caught him in there the other day nosing around. I don't know if I should laugh or cry over that one. Oh, I've been upset all day today. I think I need to just take this all in, even the quiet, and adjust to it. It is an entirely different dynamic around here without him. Most of it good, no more fighting etc, but still in that its sad I suppose. Im just going to try to visualize it as he went off to college or something. Its not like he is gone forever. Maybe. I dont know. I see what you are saying, maybe in time he will come to appreciate what I did for him. And he might not be sure, but for now he is happy he is there. Today he called for some more of this shirts etc and I said make a list I'll get your stuff together. And he said ok so I asked, probably shouldn't have but did, "are you ok? are you happy there?" and he said he was and was staying there. And I said thats ok because if thats the case maybe its better for everyone, because you certainly were not happy here. And he says, "I really wasn't happy there, its better here." and I said thats fine and that was that. So I sit here and I am like.... ok, what here was he so miserable with that he lashed out all the freaking time? Rules? Being told to respect other people or to do his homework and get offline with the friend at 11 pm instead of 1 am on schoolnights? Do you know, when we leave for school in the morning, he would always make us get there right down to the wire. He'd leave at the last possible moment, meaning his brother and I are sitting in the car for 10 minutes and he is nowhere to be found and comes out when he is ready. I'd say you have to be ready by 7:30 or we will be late, and he would say we will leave when I say we will leave, and he meant it. Messed up yes. One day when he knew we had to be there early and made no effort to be ready and I found myself yelling at him to hurry up I thought, what am I doing? Im not yelling at him anymore and I left without him. Well I think that is the call. Apparently he is never coming back here so, yep. But you are right, something had to be done. Well, today for starters the kids are home, no school. When he called for his stuff, it was after 3 pm. I asked did you have lunch yet and he said no. Well, his father is at work all day today so I guess no lunch for him on his day off. And I thought to myself, your brother and I have had lunch, and I made brownies for dessert and dinner is in the oven. And I guess I feel sorry for him sitting there is no lunch while dinnertime is approaching, but since he likes it there so much better Im sure he is just fine. No more mother for him, and he seems to be just fine and dandy with it all. I guess I did do the right thing for all of us in the end. And if he is happy there, he won't really learn anything from any of this, except if you act angry and act out then you get to go live with someone who lets you do whatever you want, and never stops and says, maybe you conor should think about your actions a little bit. [/QUOTE]
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I threw my son out of the house, wondering what else I could have done...
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