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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 174797"><p>Thank you again, ladies.</p><p></p><p>It's not just the pain. It's the limitations and how debilitating it makes me. It's not being able to stand to cook a hamburger that bothers me, not the pain itself, Know what I mean?? It's what it keeps me from doing. Which is living.</p><p></p><p>It's the not having any money. I've always lived on a budget, but in the past if I needed extra money I could pull some overtime or pick up a second job on a temporary basis. Neither of which I could do now. I have no money. I have no way to get more money. I struggle to pay utilities and insurance and buy groceries every month. </p><p></p><p>It's wanting to get out there and be productive and go back to work and actually do something and not being able to.</p><p></p><p>And it's all the demands on me from my kids when I can barely manage myself. You know, when your 17 year old comes home from working 6 hours and, yes he worked hard, but he's cranky and he whines like a 5 year old. I mean, seriously??? I asked him the other night when he was whining because his legs hurt if I whined like that. He stopped. But, come on. It's the stupid stuff...like tracking him down last night when I woke up at midnight when I woke up hearing the garage door (which turned out to be a dream) and he wasn't home. He had fallen asleep at his girlfriends. It's the taking advantage of mom being sick.</p><p></p><p>It's being confused. Like it wasn't last night that Wynter helped me clean. It was Sunday night. I don't even know what day it is or what happened when.</p><p></p><p>It's having no control over what is happening to me.</p><p></p><p>Is it 11:00 yet? Just breathe. Just breathe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 174797"] Thank you again, ladies. It's not just the pain. It's the limitations and how debilitating it makes me. It's not being able to stand to cook a hamburger that bothers me, not the pain itself, Know what I mean?? It's what it keeps me from doing. Which is living. It's the not having any money. I've always lived on a budget, but in the past if I needed extra money I could pull some overtime or pick up a second job on a temporary basis. Neither of which I could do now. I have no money. I have no way to get more money. I struggle to pay utilities and insurance and buy groceries every month. It's wanting to get out there and be productive and go back to work and actually do something and not being able to. And it's all the demands on me from my kids when I can barely manage myself. You know, when your 17 year old comes home from working 6 hours and, yes he worked hard, but he's cranky and he whines like a 5 year old. I mean, seriously??? I asked him the other night when he was whining because his legs hurt if I whined like that. He stopped. But, come on. It's the stupid stuff...like tracking him down last night when I woke up at midnight when I woke up hearing the garage door (which turned out to be a dream) and he wasn't home. He had fallen asleep at his girlfriends. It's the taking advantage of mom being sick. It's being confused. Like it wasn't last night that Wynter helped me clean. It was Sunday night. I don't even know what day it is or what happened when. It's having no control over what is happening to me. Is it 11:00 yet? Just breathe. Just breathe. [/QUOTE]
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