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I want to scream!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 277525" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>GraceGrace - </p><p> </p><p>HI. WE've never met, but....at one time I too put up with what you are enduring. Want it to stop? Really? Take a stand -but NOT violence upon violence. You are a victim of domestic violence plain and simple. Doesn't matter if it's your x, your mother, your father or your son or daughter - to live in the same house with another human being that screams in your ear, dumps your drinks, and gets in your face? Domestic violence. </p><p> </p><p>Now you can say "Oh Star he had a bad day and he has difficult child logic." and I would say GG - "I have bad days too." But think about what I'm saying. Let's say your neighbor is a difficult child, and has a bad day. The neighbor comes to your house and does the EXACT same things to you that your son is doing. HOW LONG would you put up with those behaviors? I assume not very long. </p><p> </p><p>So why is it people in domestic violence make excuses on top of excuses for the SAME behaviors only from their children? I have been an advocate for Domestic Violence law enforcement, laws, victims since I got out and got well. And if all this sounds like a sock puppet to you - I want you to think about this because it is FACT and proven - not just some cyber friend talking about you and your home of which by now you are sure I have NO idea what goes on behind your doors and it's none of my business. </p><p> </p><p>Children who live in violent households have a better than average chance of growing up and repeating what they witness or are given in their own adult lives with their spouses and most likely the same violent behaviors if not treated will be perpetuated onto THEIR children. </p><p> </p><p>Now...in your case you are not hitting him. You haven't said that he ever witnessed violence in your home so this could just be his way of dealing/coping.....but what happens when he takes THIS way of dealing and coping to the rest of the outside world? What happens when he meets a neighbors little girl and falls in love with her - and SHE won't do what he wants him to do - go to the park or movie and he starts to do the SAME behaviors to her? Can you honestly say to her parents at this point "I had no idea?" </p><p> </p><p>I'm not trying to demonize your son. He is your son and he has problems - and the behaviors that he's displaying here are HUGE HUGE indicators that if left untreated - he WILL take this behavior into his adult life - with someones daughter - or maybe his own children. </p><p> </p><p>Can you picture a life of wiping bloody noses and watching black eyes and broken bones now with someones daughter? Can you imagine your grandchilden running to you and saying "dad hit me?" </p><p> </p><p>It's THAT serious. But the good news is - you have a chance to change these behaviors. You are being given an opportunity to take him to therapy or to call the police and say "You know what ? Lock him up - he needs to learn that he can NOT threaten me." You don't need a power struggle of this sort in your home. Left untreated it WILL get worse - and eventually he'll be shoving you, hitting you - and you will "reluctantly" call the police???? NO sister - YOU POST THE SHERIFF DEPT. NUMBER ON THE WALL NOW.....and if he threatens you - Don't "threaten" to call the police - pick up the FRIGIGN phone and call them. </p><p> </p><p>Don't call your xh to come "save the day" or "calm him down" - state facts......YOU DO THIS BEHAVIOR - THIS WILL OCCUR - no questions asked. PERIOD. </p><p> </p><p>He's old enough to stop all the juvenille carp - seriously = dumping your juice? STAND UP TO HIM - tell him - he does THAT again? There will be no more to drink in the house - BUT water....and then FOLLOW THROUGH. </p><p> </p><p>He screams in your ear? HE LOOSES COMPUTER for a week.....</p><p> </p><p>These are the boring, mundane tasks as a parent that I think because so many other things are going on behavior wise we overlook so that the kids can be somewhat normal or we can have some time to see them behaving like our kids.....but honey - if you continue to allow this kid to scream in your ear, and get in your face and don't do the 911? YOU are asking for it. </p><p> </p><p>I make NO excuses for children who constantly get in your face with fists, and threats. Belive me - I'm 5'9" = 240 lbs...I boxed, weight trained, and worked out all my life - If I hit you - you aren't going to get up for a while - But that teaches a child NOTHING.....except once again the bigger person can beat up on the smaller person - and that is how domestic violence is perpetuated. But if you say "YOU threaten me again - and I will call the police and paste the number on the wall?" then if it happens you CALL the police? STICK TO YOUR GUNS. </p><p> </p><p>If you allow him to continue to do what he's doing - he's going to do it to more and more people and eventually there will be someone bigger, and badder and less tolerant of his behaviors and he could end up really getting hurt or worse....and so could you. If he likes to hit things - get him a membership to a boxing gym and get him a trainer. The workouts are intense - and he would get out some of that physical testosterone - and possibly become very disciplined at his art. </p><p> </p><p>If you don't belive a word I've said - I urge you to make an annonymous call to any domestic violence shelter - and talk to a counselor. Ask for some phamplets about how violence is perpetuated. </p><p> </p><p>Yes....Grace upon Grace - even this little bit of violence doesn't get a pass because he's had a bad day. NADA.....</p><p> </p><p>Hope this helps you - and.....also as a final note (only because its the same advice I gave myself) you may want to consider getting some therapy for yourself to see WHY you are making excuses for his behaviors - I did for my son too - and after therapy I promise you - If you raise a hand to me it better be to say hello - or you are going to be waving to me from the back of a squad car. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 277525, member: 4964"] GraceGrace - HI. WE've never met, but....at one time I too put up with what you are enduring. Want it to stop? Really? Take a stand -but NOT violence upon violence. You are a victim of domestic violence plain and simple. Doesn't matter if it's your x, your mother, your father or your son or daughter - to live in the same house with another human being that screams in your ear, dumps your drinks, and gets in your face? Domestic violence. Now you can say "Oh Star he had a bad day and he has difficult child logic." and I would say GG - "I have bad days too." But think about what I'm saying. Let's say your neighbor is a difficult child, and has a bad day. The neighbor comes to your house and does the EXACT same things to you that your son is doing. HOW LONG would you put up with those behaviors? I assume not very long. So why is it people in domestic violence make excuses on top of excuses for the SAME behaviors only from their children? I have been an advocate for Domestic Violence law enforcement, laws, victims since I got out and got well. And if all this sounds like a sock puppet to you - I want you to think about this because it is FACT and proven - not just some cyber friend talking about you and your home of which by now you are sure I have NO idea what goes on behind your doors and it's none of my business. Children who live in violent households have a better than average chance of growing up and repeating what they witness or are given in their own adult lives with their spouses and most likely the same violent behaviors if not treated will be perpetuated onto THEIR children. Now...in your case you are not hitting him. You haven't said that he ever witnessed violence in your home so this could just be his way of dealing/coping.....but what happens when he takes THIS way of dealing and coping to the rest of the outside world? What happens when he meets a neighbors little girl and falls in love with her - and SHE won't do what he wants him to do - go to the park or movie and he starts to do the SAME behaviors to her? Can you honestly say to her parents at this point "I had no idea?" I'm not trying to demonize your son. He is your son and he has problems - and the behaviors that he's displaying here are HUGE HUGE indicators that if left untreated - he WILL take this behavior into his adult life - with someones daughter - or maybe his own children. Can you picture a life of wiping bloody noses and watching black eyes and broken bones now with someones daughter? Can you imagine your grandchilden running to you and saying "dad hit me?" It's THAT serious. But the good news is - you have a chance to change these behaviors. You are being given an opportunity to take him to therapy or to call the police and say "You know what ? Lock him up - he needs to learn that he can NOT threaten me." You don't need a power struggle of this sort in your home. Left untreated it WILL get worse - and eventually he'll be shoving you, hitting you - and you will "reluctantly" call the police???? NO sister - YOU POST THE SHERIFF DEPT. NUMBER ON THE WALL NOW.....and if he threatens you - Don't "threaten" to call the police - pick up the FRIGIGN phone and call them. Don't call your xh to come "save the day" or "calm him down" - state facts......YOU DO THIS BEHAVIOR - THIS WILL OCCUR - no questions asked. PERIOD. He's old enough to stop all the juvenille carp - seriously = dumping your juice? STAND UP TO HIM - tell him - he does THAT again? There will be no more to drink in the house - BUT water....and then FOLLOW THROUGH. He screams in your ear? HE LOOSES COMPUTER for a week..... These are the boring, mundane tasks as a parent that I think because so many other things are going on behavior wise we overlook so that the kids can be somewhat normal or we can have some time to see them behaving like our kids.....but honey - if you continue to allow this kid to scream in your ear, and get in your face and don't do the 911? YOU are asking for it. I make NO excuses for children who constantly get in your face with fists, and threats. Belive me - I'm 5'9" = 240 lbs...I boxed, weight trained, and worked out all my life - If I hit you - you aren't going to get up for a while - But that teaches a child NOTHING.....except once again the bigger person can beat up on the smaller person - and that is how domestic violence is perpetuated. But if you say "YOU threaten me again - and I will call the police and paste the number on the wall?" then if it happens you CALL the police? STICK TO YOUR GUNS. If you allow him to continue to do what he's doing - he's going to do it to more and more people and eventually there will be someone bigger, and badder and less tolerant of his behaviors and he could end up really getting hurt or worse....and so could you. If he likes to hit things - get him a membership to a boxing gym and get him a trainer. The workouts are intense - and he would get out some of that physical testosterone - and possibly become very disciplined at his art. If you don't belive a word I've said - I urge you to make an annonymous call to any domestic violence shelter - and talk to a counselor. Ask for some phamplets about how violence is perpetuated. Yes....Grace upon Grace - even this little bit of violence doesn't get a pass because he's had a bad day. NADA..... Hope this helps you - and.....also as a final note (only because its the same advice I gave myself) you may want to consider getting some therapy for yourself to see WHY you are making excuses for his behaviors - I did for my son too - and after therapy I promise you - If you raise a hand to me it better be to say hello - or you are going to be waving to me from the back of a squad car. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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