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I want to scream!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 277586" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Gracie, </p><p> </p><p>You're welcome - but I went by what you posted -and I'm confused, so please help me here. When he threatened the police - you GAVE him ANOTHER opportunity to abuse you by calling his Dad. I understand why TOTALLY - belive me - I do. But should this be your day to day life - and should it happen tonight? What are YOU going to do? And I ask because the question was posed to me like I'm posing it to you complete with very caviler answers .......</p><p> </p><p>If he does it again Star - are you going to take away his game boy (consequence in my mind at that time), call his step dad (Seemed more threatening than taking away the gameboy) or are you going to call the LAW and let him know you have ZERO tolerance regardless of what is going on in his mind/day/world? </p><p> </p><p>I said actually - Well I figured if I gave him a punishment for yelling in my face that was enough for the first few times. </p><p>Then as it got worse? I started calling his Dad in the house.</p><p>After I talked with our therapist - ? The first time he did it? I called the cops ON my own. He took off....they went and found him. Explained to him that if he EVER used verbal or physical violence again to "explain" himself to me - and I called the sheriff's dept? He'd be going to jail for CDV. </p><p> </p><p>THAT is what I think I was trying to get across. Not so much that you were making excuses for him. How does ANYONE know how to deal with this garbage until they have lived it. </p><p> </p><p>Somethings you just put on a painted face over - yes. And parent these kids a little differently and no you don't call the police for every infraction or misdeed. </p><p>But I meant what I said about being serious. I hope if there is a next time - you don't hesitate, and take a moment tonight or when he's calm to explain to him that since that last episode? There will be a zero tolerance for solving his problems like he has been - and then list what behaviors you won't tolerate and which ones WILL get a call to your police dept. </p><p>Then follow through - </p><p> </p><p>I just get so passionate about DV issues and since I lived and survived - and now have a son that does NOT solve all his problems by attacking me - I like mylife and his future a lot better. I personally (nothing to do with you) but I sat and thought about how I would feel if he started dating and then brought that girl home - and then hit her. I envisioned someones very large Daddy pulling up in the driveway (like my Dad was going to) with a gun to kill him for hitting his little girl. I did my level best in my own household to make sure that never happened and it was hard VERY hard not to make excuses (again my life) for my son because of what he'd been through. </p><p></p><p>But Gracie - I promise you if my son screamed in my ear to prove he was behaving better and then did meanspirited little things just to get his point across? He'd be sitting IN his room - FULL Riley - (nothing but a mattress and blanket) and I even took the dang door - And he SAT....not slept while he thought about what he did. </p><p> </p><p>IN a nutshell I'm just saying - Don't let him get away with it now - or you'll pay later. Dude isn't perfect but I see him able to cope and use coping skills he learned by going to the therapist he REFUSED to go to...(I drug him there every week for 10 years whether he uttered a single word or not). I told him also that until he was either NOT living under my roof, or over 18 an on his own - he had better go where I told him to go - END of conversation. SOunded kinda totalitarian parenting - BUT----it did pay off for us in the long run. And actually - it helped solve a LOT of problems before they became problems between myself and my DF. </p><p> </p><p>Hope something in this posts helps you and your son. If I came across as critical? It wasn't meant to be that way - but I've lived it, and don't want to see anyone else having a daily silent scream. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p> </p><p>Hugs again - </p><p>STar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 277586, member: 4964"] Gracie, You're welcome - but I went by what you posted -and I'm confused, so please help me here. When he threatened the police - you GAVE him ANOTHER opportunity to abuse you by calling his Dad. I understand why TOTALLY - belive me - I do. But should this be your day to day life - and should it happen tonight? What are YOU going to do? And I ask because the question was posed to me like I'm posing it to you complete with very caviler answers ....... If he does it again Star - are you going to take away his game boy (consequence in my mind at that time), call his step dad (Seemed more threatening than taking away the gameboy) or are you going to call the LAW and let him know you have ZERO tolerance regardless of what is going on in his mind/day/world? I said actually - Well I figured if I gave him a punishment for yelling in my face that was enough for the first few times. Then as it got worse? I started calling his Dad in the house. After I talked with our therapist - ? The first time he did it? I called the cops ON my own. He took off....they went and found him. Explained to him that if he EVER used verbal or physical violence again to "explain" himself to me - and I called the sheriff's dept? He'd be going to jail for CDV. THAT is what I think I was trying to get across. Not so much that you were making excuses for him. How does ANYONE know how to deal with this garbage until they have lived it. Somethings you just put on a painted face over - yes. And parent these kids a little differently and no you don't call the police for every infraction or misdeed. But I meant what I said about being serious. I hope if there is a next time - you don't hesitate, and take a moment tonight or when he's calm to explain to him that since that last episode? There will be a zero tolerance for solving his problems like he has been - and then list what behaviors you won't tolerate and which ones WILL get a call to your police dept. Then follow through - I just get so passionate about DV issues and since I lived and survived - and now have a son that does NOT solve all his problems by attacking me - I like mylife and his future a lot better. I personally (nothing to do with you) but I sat and thought about how I would feel if he started dating and then brought that girl home - and then hit her. I envisioned someones very large Daddy pulling up in the driveway (like my Dad was going to) with a gun to kill him for hitting his little girl. I did my level best in my own household to make sure that never happened and it was hard VERY hard not to make excuses (again my life) for my son because of what he'd been through. But Gracie - I promise you if my son screamed in my ear to prove he was behaving better and then did meanspirited little things just to get his point across? He'd be sitting IN his room - FULL Riley - (nothing but a mattress and blanket) and I even took the dang door - And he SAT....not slept while he thought about what he did. IN a nutshell I'm just saying - Don't let him get away with it now - or you'll pay later. Dude isn't perfect but I see him able to cope and use coping skills he learned by going to the therapist he REFUSED to go to...(I drug him there every week for 10 years whether he uttered a single word or not). I told him also that until he was either NOT living under my roof, or over 18 an on his own - he had better go where I told him to go - END of conversation. SOunded kinda totalitarian parenting - BUT----it did pay off for us in the long run. And actually - it helped solve a LOT of problems before they became problems between myself and my DF. Hope something in this posts helps you and your son. If I came across as critical? It wasn't meant to be that way - but I've lived it, and don't want to see anyone else having a daily silent scream. :raspberry-tounge: Hugs again - STar [/QUOTE]
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