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I went off on my daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 255169" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You and N need to work on a new sampler for the new home. A large ornate cross-stitch sampler that quotes John Lennon - "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."</p><p></p><p>Sometimes life throws you a googly (cricketing term - I think it's like a curve ball). </p><p></p><p>What does N want to be when she grows up? Because this could be something she can draw on. She still has a great deal to be grateful for - she will still have a solid roof over her head, and solid walls. They won't be made of cardboard or canvas. She will have a lock on the door of her home. She will have loving parents. Food on the table. Clean water. Access to a good education. Friends. Safety and security, with no wars being fought around her.</p><p></p><p>Perspective.</p><p></p><p>A roof over your head is something to get down and kiss the ground for, if you've ever had to spend the night out in the open because you don't HAVE a home. If you've ever had to even CONSIDER the chance that you have nowhere to sleep tonight, nowhere to put your things that you can call YOUR space - you learn to be grateful.</p><p></p><p>I was older than N when I got this lesson, but it was a scary lesson indeed. Everything I owned was stored in my friend's car and it looked like I was going to have to spend the night there too. It's not easy to stretch out and sleep in a Beetle VW, especially when your shopping bags of clothing are filling the back seat.</p><p></p><p>Another time, I had a roof over my head but no bed to sleep on. The mattress I had been borrowing had been taken away by the person who owned it. So I went out onto the street and found a discarded old mattress with the springs poking through. I dragged it home, face scarlet with shame because I was sure everybody was watching me out their windows and wondering what sort of scavenging ghoul I was, prepared to sleep on someone else's dirty discarded mattress. I put it on the floor with the springs poking through to the side next to the floorboards. My shawl doubled as a blanket.</p><p></p><p>I had felt very ashamed to have to do this, but even more than the shame was the knowledge that sleeping on floorboards would be very uncomfortable. The day when I had to finally compromise myself to tat extent, in order to have something softer than floorboards to sleep on, was the day I finally got a better perspective on just how tough it can be. And I was STILL way better off than many people.</p><p></p><p>I hope she can finally come to terms with this change. And that you and husband can, too. Stop blaming yourselves, stop dumping on yourself over this or you will inflame N's wrong sense of entitlement. She has no right to talk to you that way or to be so critical and negative. Circumstances are what they are. Bad things happen. You didn't choose to be ripped off by your landlord.</p><p></p><p>Look at the positives. You are all together. You will be able to feed yourselves, be secure, be warm, have clean water. </p><p></p><p>It will be OK. But you are not doing this to her. Or to yourselves. It just IS.</p><p></p><p>OK? No more guilt, no more blame. Just do what has to be done, and enjoy the adventure. When N has made her first million, she will be able to tell her staff that she got her education while she was living in a trailer.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 255169, member: 1991"] You and N need to work on a new sampler for the new home. A large ornate cross-stitch sampler that quotes John Lennon - "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Sometimes life throws you a googly (cricketing term - I think it's like a curve ball). What does N want to be when she grows up? Because this could be something she can draw on. She still has a great deal to be grateful for - she will still have a solid roof over her head, and solid walls. They won't be made of cardboard or canvas. She will have a lock on the door of her home. She will have loving parents. Food on the table. Clean water. Access to a good education. Friends. Safety and security, with no wars being fought around her. Perspective. A roof over your head is something to get down and kiss the ground for, if you've ever had to spend the night out in the open because you don't HAVE a home. If you've ever had to even CONSIDER the chance that you have nowhere to sleep tonight, nowhere to put your things that you can call YOUR space - you learn to be grateful. I was older than N when I got this lesson, but it was a scary lesson indeed. Everything I owned was stored in my friend's car and it looked like I was going to have to spend the night there too. It's not easy to stretch out and sleep in a Beetle VW, especially when your shopping bags of clothing are filling the back seat. Another time, I had a roof over my head but no bed to sleep on. The mattress I had been borrowing had been taken away by the person who owned it. So I went out onto the street and found a discarded old mattress with the springs poking through. I dragged it home, face scarlet with shame because I was sure everybody was watching me out their windows and wondering what sort of scavenging ghoul I was, prepared to sleep on someone else's dirty discarded mattress. I put it on the floor with the springs poking through to the side next to the floorboards. My shawl doubled as a blanket. I had felt very ashamed to have to do this, but even more than the shame was the knowledge that sleeping on floorboards would be very uncomfortable. The day when I had to finally compromise myself to tat extent, in order to have something softer than floorboards to sleep on, was the day I finally got a better perspective on just how tough it can be. And I was STILL way better off than many people. I hope she can finally come to terms with this change. And that you and husband can, too. Stop blaming yourselves, stop dumping on yourself over this or you will inflame N's wrong sense of entitlement. She has no right to talk to you that way or to be so critical and negative. Circumstances are what they are. Bad things happen. You didn't choose to be ripped off by your landlord. Look at the positives. You are all together. You will be able to feed yourselves, be secure, be warm, have clean water. It will be OK. But you are not doing this to her. Or to yourselves. It just IS. OK? No more guilt, no more blame. Just do what has to be done, and enjoy the adventure. When N has made her first million, she will be able to tell her staff that she got her education while she was living in a trailer. Marg [/QUOTE]
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