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I will not let her ruin my Thanksgiving mood!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 392105" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Something she's doing (in common with a lot of passive-aggressives) is trying to constantly deflect you from the issues. Forget about the hurt (or try to) and focus on your aim in each task. Example - your aim is to have the basement the way YOU want it. It's YOUR basement, she only lives there. But living there means certain responsibilities. If yo uwant to be able to do the white glove treatment, it's your choice.</p><p></p><p>Her comment I quoted above - she said you acted like you have the perfect family, and you called her on it. But by making that claim, she has deflected you. You replied, because she was successful in deflecting you. You let her get off topic. Try to keep your focus at all times. With hindsight, you need to be able to say, "whether I pretend we are perfect or not is off topic. We will talk about that later. It makes no difference to my request."</p><p></p><p>As for "good, I don't really want to know you," you get back on topic with, "It doesn't matter what you want to know or not. You were given a task to complete. And deliberatelty choosing to say mean things does not change that fact."</p><p></p><p>Feel free to add, "Deliberately choosing to say nasty things does absolutely nothing to get you out of this task. All it does do, is prove how immature you really are behaving, and make it far less likely that we will relent any time soon on allowing you more freedoms. So keep it up - adolescent controls can last indefinitely. Now clean the basement like you were asked."</p><p></p><p>Even if you fall back on merely repeating over and over, your main instruction - you have to force her to stay on topic and not let her deflect. That nastiness is not acceptable, but letting her get away with it (by even answering it) is not good.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 392105, member: 1991"] Something she's doing (in common with a lot of passive-aggressives) is trying to constantly deflect you from the issues. Forget about the hurt (or try to) and focus on your aim in each task. Example - your aim is to have the basement the way YOU want it. It's YOUR basement, she only lives there. But living there means certain responsibilities. If yo uwant to be able to do the white glove treatment, it's your choice. Her comment I quoted above - she said you acted like you have the perfect family, and you called her on it. But by making that claim, she has deflected you. You replied, because she was successful in deflecting you. You let her get off topic. Try to keep your focus at all times. With hindsight, you need to be able to say, "whether I pretend we are perfect or not is off topic. We will talk about that later. It makes no difference to my request." As for "good, I don't really want to know you," you get back on topic with, "It doesn't matter what you want to know or not. You were given a task to complete. And deliberatelty choosing to say mean things does not change that fact." Feel free to add, "Deliberately choosing to say nasty things does absolutely nothing to get you out of this task. All it does do, is prove how immature you really are behaving, and make it far less likely that we will relent any time soon on allowing you more freedoms. So keep it up - adolescent controls can last indefinitely. Now clean the basement like you were asked." Even if you fall back on merely repeating over and over, your main instruction - you have to force her to stay on topic and not let her deflect. That nastiness is not acceptable, but letting her get away with it (by even answering it) is not good. Marg [/QUOTE]
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I will not let her ruin my Thanksgiving mood!
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