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General Parenting
ideas for rewards systems?
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<blockquote data-quote="Iamwipedouttoo" data-source="post: 304185" data-attributes="member: 7829"><p>I'm struggling with this as well.</p><p> </p><p>I want to help my child be successful but at 17 I have to accept that her choices are her own.</p><p> </p><p>It is the mom in me that keeps wanting to help her. I just can't turn my back on her. I keep thinking if I just "do this" she'll "get it" this time around.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, rewards don't seem to work with her unless she receives 100&#37; of the benefit with the least amount of effort and time. I am still struggling with whether that is the ADHD or her being a brat or a combination of the two.</p><p> </p><p>So where does that leave me? A mess. I want to do everything I can to help her but she has to want my help and she doesn't at this point. She is so angry she just wants out of our "unreasonable" (yeah, right) home. She wants it so bad she has no plan to get there, too (I won't even get started on our recent therapy session when the therapist confronted her on that).</p><p> </p><p>My husband has already said that unless she starts to be reasonable that she is out when she is 18. If she chooses to stay she will have to pay rent and follow some basic house rules geared toward a "boarder". If she decides that won't work, he is going to require she leave.</p><p> </p><p>I'm a mess about this because there is pretty much a 99% chance at this point that is where she is headed. She is not prepared. I am not prepared for that either, though I probably should prepare. I just keep hoping therapy will help us all so we can avoid that situation all together. Maybe I'm in denial.</p><p> </p><p>I wish I had some advice for you. I really do. I guess I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your feeling like you need to try something.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Iamwipedouttoo, post: 304185, member: 7829"] I'm struggling with this as well. I want to help my child be successful but at 17 I have to accept that her choices are her own. It is the mom in me that keeps wanting to help her. I just can't turn my back on her. I keep thinking if I just "do this" she'll "get it" this time around. Unfortunately, rewards don't seem to work with her unless she receives 100% of the benefit with the least amount of effort and time. I am still struggling with whether that is the ADHD or her being a brat or a combination of the two. So where does that leave me? A mess. I want to do everything I can to help her but she has to want my help and she doesn't at this point. She is so angry she just wants out of our "unreasonable" (yeah, right) home. She wants it so bad she has no plan to get there, too (I won't even get started on our recent therapy session when the therapist confronted her on that). My husband has already said that unless she starts to be reasonable that she is out when she is 18. If she chooses to stay she will have to pay rent and follow some basic house rules geared toward a "boarder". If she decides that won't work, he is going to require she leave. I'm a mess about this because there is pretty much a 99% chance at this point that is where she is headed. She is not prepared. I am not prepared for that either, though I probably should prepare. I just keep hoping therapy will help us all so we can avoid that situation all together. Maybe I'm in denial. I wish I had some advice for you. I really do. I guess I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your feeling like you need to try something. [/QUOTE]
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