A practical suggestion re full-time aide - all staff are entitled to breaks and if you feel your son needs 100% supervision/support, then you will need two aides to spell each other.
When we had playground supervision in place for difficult child 3, we had a different aide on playground supervision/shadowing duty. Her task was NOT to constantly be at difficult child 3's elbow but in fact to facilitate social integration for difficult child 3. It turned out she was also there to 'rescue' him from bullying, he quickly worked out that if he was being hassled then he could go straight to his shadow and stay by her side. He went right to her, reported being bullied and she immediately intervened. He did brilliantly while we had this in place. Unfortunately I only ever got tis for one term and was never able to insist on it again, so tings went downhill again (because once the shadow was gone, the bullies were back).
A suggestion in dealing with the school - I go in with the attitude of "How can I help you with providing you background for the aides so they are best equipped to work with difficult child? We're all part of the team, it's good to cooperate like this."
My presence and expert knowledge of my own kid is to be taken for granted. I will be there for the school, consider me a valuable resource. And once my child has graduated form the school - the school will have been the winner for having had the experience and training ground for staff.
[I know staff would not agree; but would have a VERY hard time saying so, if I'm in the room!]
I've used the same attitude in meetings when I've had to lobby for funding or support for charities - I walk in power-dressed and carrying a slim briefcase which I know how to use. Walk, stand, speak with confidence and they find it a lot harder to browbeat you.
With schools - ease back on the power-dressing. But otherwise - same tactics. You are an expert. Make sure you exude that air. Then it's harder for them to dismiss you as "just another parent".
Also where possible - do other stuff to help the school. The classic in Australia is to volunteer for canteen duty, but there are other ways to be valuable. Look around and see what opportunities there are to be helpful to the school (and therefore visible). Also note - what is the staff attitude to those parents who are there as volunteers?
Of course when you have a difficult child it makes it much harder to volunteer, but if you are an experienced Warrior Parent ten you are probably a more skilled lobbyist than most other parents. So make this your skill and ask the principal (repeatedly) what you can do to help the school; what can you help lobby for.
It doesn't take long to write a letter to your local politicians or businesses (for charity donations for fundraisers). But it's amazing how few parents know how to do this or are prepared to do it.
If the school oves you for anything like this, they are more likely to help you with IEP stuff.
It shouldn't work like tihs, but I have seen it time and time again. If they value you as a parent, they will not want to lose you as an asset from their school and are more likely to put up with problems with difficult child.
Sneaky, but worth a try. Just don't bite off more than you can chew. Whatever you take on - do it immediately, follow through.
Another area where I've helped out the local school - with desktop publishing, editing, that sort of thing. Or helping out with a class. Or covering books in the library.
Sometimes it's not easy and there have been a lot of times when I've had to swallow my feelings and be nice. One time I had earlier delivered a letter of protest at the school's discipline policy and threatened tem with legal action if they did not make changes to what I claim is a discriminatory, unjust, unlawful and ineffective policy. I had the head teacher in tears. But that evening we were side by side at the sink in the school canteen, washing up and chatting while a school dance was going on. I hadn't volunteered to help, I had just walked in, seen a need (EVERYONE hates washing up!) and rolled up my sleeves and got on with it. Of course I avoided talking about problems. I kept it light and we chatted. Hopefully it made it harder for her to see me as the evil mother threatening her and the school with a lawsuit.
And being there - meant I was available to difficult child 3 (and he knew it) in the event of problems, which meant I didn't look so much like an anxious mother (I was there to help, not to shadow my son! yeah, right...) but others knew I was there so he was hassledless than perhaps otherwise, because they knew I would be there like a ton of bricks falling on anyone who hurt my kid.
Good luck with this.
The problem with trying to organise this is - can you 'talk' to the school during the long break? Is there anyone there to negotiate with? If there is someone you can set meetings up with, then go for it. Otherwise if you have to wait until staff go back (in Australia they go back only a day or so before the kids do) t hen I would keep difficult child home until its sorted and make it clear - it should have been sorted out in plenty of time, it's not your fault it wasn't but it does mean it's urgent now. But he shouldn't be put in jeopardy, nor should the staff have to cope without supports in place. The school has a responsibility to have everyting in place for him, just as you have a legasl responsibility to have him in school.
if they try to stall - this has become urgent (ie needs to be fixed fast). make sure they understand the difference between 'important' and 'urgent'. Planning for the special assembly for the President's personal tour of the school happening in November is important. It only becomes urgent when it's November already.
So they may say, "we have other things which are more important," you can freely respond with, "Of course you do. THis may not be as important, but it is almost certainly more urgent, because this should already be in place to our satisfaction. But don't worry - I will work with you to speed up the process."
Good luck.
Marg