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General Parenting
If I didn't think I'd go to h*ll, I'd kill myself
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 358325" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sending you a whole lot of very gentle hugs. I know how awful it can be when the only out you can visualize is your own death. Then, because you are a survivor and a warrior mom, you visualize your kids at your funeral and you know that you simply cannot do it. You just can't put them through that after everything else they have endured. You cannot leave them to find their way in the world with only the relatives who have failed you to guide them.</p><p></p><p>THAT is when you really feel stuck, totally without options.</p><p></p><p>You have choices. They are hard to see.</p><p></p><p>Will it be hard to make big changes? Yes. Will it hurt? Yes. Will things seem <em>worse</em> at times? Maybe. </p><p></p><p>But you can make choices to stop being a victim. You can learn HOW to choose, to demand better relationships. Relationships that are worthy of YOU, because you are so precious, so special, so truly amazing and wonderful. There are people out there who will care about you as a beautiful and special person, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, who will truly LOVE you the way you deserve to be loved.</p><p></p><p>YOU have done NOTHING wrong to deserve this life. You do NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT deserve to be victimized in ANY way. Period. End of discussion.</p><p></p><p>The people who have abused you have committed CRIMES against you. Sadly they set you up to find future relationships that are also painful, scary and dangerous, relationships with people who do not deserve you, who are not even 1% good enough for you. No matter what they have, they are NOT good enough to lick dog turds off your shoes. </p><p></p><p>You have kids now. You know they have been damaged by the abusive relationship between your husband and you. I am sure that they wonder on some level why you are still married. You CAN show them how to get into a better life. For just as much as you want OUT of the abusive relationship and life you are now in, you also want INTO a better, happier, healthier, SANER life. </p><p></p><p>You have to seek out people who will teach you how to value yourself, how to make the changes you KNOW you need to make. How to demonstrate to your beloved daughter that if she makes a mistake when she marries that SHE can also get out of it. For our relationship with our husband teaches our daughters what to expect in a husband. I KNOW you want her to select a better mate than your husband. Even if it takes her a couple of tries.</p><p></p><p>I know getting out is too big a step to handle now. For today, this week, focus on finding the phone number for a domestic abuse center and making an appointment. Focus on going to the appointment and starting there. </p><p></p><p>They will help if you will let them. I promise. If you do not want husband to know, they won't tell. They won't even smile at you if you see them in a grocery store unless you smile first. (I know this from experience. My difficult child abused me and I needed help to end that cycle.) They won't charge you. </p><p></p><p>Please just find the number and make the appointment and go to it. Those are steps that are fairly small to outsiders, but I know they are HUGE to you.</p><p></p><p>We will be here for you. Promise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 358325, member: 1233"] I am sending you a whole lot of very gentle hugs. I know how awful it can be when the only out you can visualize is your own death. Then, because you are a survivor and a warrior mom, you visualize your kids at your funeral and you know that you simply cannot do it. You just can't put them through that after everything else they have endured. You cannot leave them to find their way in the world with only the relatives who have failed you to guide them. THAT is when you really feel stuck, totally without options. You have choices. They are hard to see. Will it be hard to make big changes? Yes. Will it hurt? Yes. Will things seem [I]worse[/I] at times? Maybe. But you can make choices to stop being a victim. You can learn HOW to choose, to demand better relationships. Relationships that are worthy of YOU, because you are so precious, so special, so truly amazing and wonderful. There are people out there who will care about you as a beautiful and special person, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, who will truly LOVE you the way you deserve to be loved. YOU have done NOTHING wrong to deserve this life. You do NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT deserve to be victimized in ANY way. Period. End of discussion. The people who have abused you have committed CRIMES against you. Sadly they set you up to find future relationships that are also painful, scary and dangerous, relationships with people who do not deserve you, who are not even 1% good enough for you. No matter what they have, they are NOT good enough to lick dog turds off your shoes. You have kids now. You know they have been damaged by the abusive relationship between your husband and you. I am sure that they wonder on some level why you are still married. You CAN show them how to get into a better life. For just as much as you want OUT of the abusive relationship and life you are now in, you also want INTO a better, happier, healthier, SANER life. You have to seek out people who will teach you how to value yourself, how to make the changes you KNOW you need to make. How to demonstrate to your beloved daughter that if she makes a mistake when she marries that SHE can also get out of it. For our relationship with our husband teaches our daughters what to expect in a husband. I KNOW you want her to select a better mate than your husband. Even if it takes her a couple of tries. I know getting out is too big a step to handle now. For today, this week, focus on finding the phone number for a domestic abuse center and making an appointment. Focus on going to the appointment and starting there. They will help if you will let them. I promise. If you do not want husband to know, they won't tell. They won't even smile at you if you see them in a grocery store unless you smile first. (I know this from experience. My difficult child abused me and I needed help to end that cycle.) They won't charge you. Please just find the number and make the appointment and go to it. Those are steps that are fairly small to outsiders, but I know they are HUGE to you. We will be here for you. Promise. [/QUOTE]
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