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If I move out, does difficult child "win"?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 161185"><p>I am so sorry.</p><p>You mentioned marriage counseling. Did it help? It seems to me that there are still serious issues going on here. Was your husband cooperative when you went previously? Did you like the person you worked with? Did the person you were working with have some knowledge of what a difficult child is all about? I would SERIOUSLY consider going back to the marriage counselor or find another one. Ask around and find someone who has a clue what a REAL difficult child is all about and how straining it is for couples. And find someone who has a top notch reputation for working with couples. </p><p> </p><p>husband and I had some issues trying to work with our difficult child during a time when our other child was acting up. Two kids acting out at the same time was TOOOOO MUCH. The counselor helped us tremendously. We still go to see her about once a year and we LOVE IT. We might be a little unsual...but nevertheless, her advice and counsel was priceless. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know if your difficult child would see this as "winning." However, it is very possible that it could subconsiously convince him that he is "damaged goods" and someone the family wishes to abandon. </p><p> </p><p>If you need time to yourself, I would consider taking a short vacation. Perhaps a long weekend away visiting relatives or with a girlfriend. In addition, I would hire top notch babysitters and get out with your husband on a regular basis. Go out to a movie. If possible, go away together for a day or two. When you don't nurture the marriage relationship, there is less incentive to work through difficulties. If you don't do this once in awhile...you are asking for trouble. Time alone with your spouse is very important and it might be even more improtant if there is a special needs child in the house. </p><p> </p><p>However, first a foremost...I would go back to the counselor and do the hard work to get through this. He or she is trained to help both of you understand how to support each other. </p><p> </p><p>One more thing...I would consider buying some sort of plastic cover for the mattress so liquid can't penetrate. If it is exceptionally bad, you might want to buy a new mattress and then cover it with the plastic cover. Then, consider buying several bottom sheets and a small quilt that fits in the machine. Don't use a top sheet. When he soils the bed, just wash the sheet and the little quilt. It would only be two items. You might want to teach him to make the bed. It would be easy to do...since it is only the two items and possibly a pillow case. Place a little bear (or toy)near the pillow for decoration. Bottom line: don't let the actual mattress get ruined. Cut back on the laundry. Get him to help out so that your work is greatly reduced...if not eliminated. Is he on any medication that might help with the bedwetting? I know that there is an rx that often helps with this...if you haven't already done so, I would ask the Dr. if your son can take it. </p><p> </p><p>Hang in there...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 161185"] I am so sorry. You mentioned marriage counseling. Did it help? It seems to me that there are still serious issues going on here. Was your husband cooperative when you went previously? Did you like the person you worked with? Did the person you were working with have some knowledge of what a difficult child is all about? I would SERIOUSLY consider going back to the marriage counselor or find another one. Ask around and find someone who has a clue what a REAL difficult child is all about and how straining it is for couples. And find someone who has a top notch reputation for working with couples. husband and I had some issues trying to work with our difficult child during a time when our other child was acting up. Two kids acting out at the same time was TOOOOO MUCH. The counselor helped us tremendously. We still go to see her about once a year and we LOVE IT. We might be a little unsual...but nevertheless, her advice and counsel was priceless. I don't know if your difficult child would see this as "winning." However, it is very possible that it could subconsiously convince him that he is "damaged goods" and someone the family wishes to abandon. If you need time to yourself, I would consider taking a short vacation. Perhaps a long weekend away visiting relatives or with a girlfriend. In addition, I would hire top notch babysitters and get out with your husband on a regular basis. Go out to a movie. If possible, go away together for a day or two. When you don't nurture the marriage relationship, there is less incentive to work through difficulties. If you don't do this once in awhile...you are asking for trouble. Time alone with your spouse is very important and it might be even more improtant if there is a special needs child in the house. However, first a foremost...I would go back to the counselor and do the hard work to get through this. He or she is trained to help both of you understand how to support each other. One more thing...I would consider buying some sort of plastic cover for the mattress so liquid can't penetrate. If it is exceptionally bad, you might want to buy a new mattress and then cover it with the plastic cover. Then, consider buying several bottom sheets and a small quilt that fits in the machine. Don't use a top sheet. When he soils the bed, just wash the sheet and the little quilt. It would only be two items. You might want to teach him to make the bed. It would be easy to do...since it is only the two items and possibly a pillow case. Place a little bear (or toy)near the pillow for decoration. Bottom line: don't let the actual mattress get ruined. Cut back on the laundry. Get him to help out so that your work is greatly reduced...if not eliminated. Is he on any medication that might help with the bedwetting? I know that there is an rx that often helps with this...if you haven't already done so, I would ask the Dr. if your son can take it. Hang in there... [/QUOTE]
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