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Parent Emeritus
If you don't detach from your adult difficult children.......
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 612375" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Scott, if you wouldn't mind sharing this with us...how do you, personally, justify detaching from your troubled adult child? I told my husband about your post, and about the differences in the way fathers look at their difficult child kids that I have seen in the posts of other males. </p><p></p><p>That is what I need to hear, Scott. If you don't mind ~ Scott, or anyone reading this who can stick with detachment mode when the kids are suffering ~ how do you see your role, how is it possible to enjoy all there is to enjoy in the lives you've created if you have ~ even if it's for your own survival ~ turned away from your own suffering child? </p><p></p><p>I am talking specifically about mentally unstable adult kids, here. Addiction, I can and have turned away from.</p><p></p><p>I should clarify that husband caves when he does in large part because of me. He is right there where you are on what we should do. I think it is a hard place to get to though, even for a man. When I get miserable, he does too. His resolve wavers and there we are. </p><p></p><p>I hope you don't read hostility or accusation into my response, Scott. I am intensely curious about how other parents find the strength to stop helping. husband and I can have all our ducks in a row and all it takes is a particular note of desperation, a particular expression, and we are right back in the thick of it. I don't just mean with money or help. I mean in the thick of suffering emotionally for the suffering we hear in her voice.</p><p></p><p>It seems so impossibly hard to say no to the little things and yet, that is what leads, step by impossible step, to the big stuff.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 612375, member: 1721"] Scott, if you wouldn't mind sharing this with us...how do you, personally, justify detaching from your troubled adult child? I told my husband about your post, and about the differences in the way fathers look at their difficult child kids that I have seen in the posts of other males. That is what I need to hear, Scott. If you don't mind ~ Scott, or anyone reading this who can stick with detachment mode when the kids are suffering ~ how do you see your role, how is it possible to enjoy all there is to enjoy in the lives you've created if you have ~ even if it's for your own survival ~ turned away from your own suffering child? I am talking specifically about mentally unstable adult kids, here. Addiction, I can and have turned away from. I should clarify that husband caves when he does in large part because of me. He is right there where you are on what we should do. I think it is a hard place to get to though, even for a man. When I get miserable, he does too. His resolve wavers and there we are. I hope you don't read hostility or accusation into my response, Scott. I am intensely curious about how other parents find the strength to stop helping. husband and I can have all our ducks in a row and all it takes is a particular note of desperation, a particular expression, and we are right back in the thick of it. I don't just mean with money or help. I mean in the thick of suffering emotionally for the suffering we hear in her voice. It seems so impossibly hard to say no to the little things and yet, that is what leads, step by impossible step, to the big stuff. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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If you don't detach from your adult difficult children.......
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