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Parent Emeritus
If you don't detach from your adult difficult children.......
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 612499" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Geehwiz, welcome. You have posted on another's thread. If you post this on your own thread, more people will find you. Stay in Parent Emeritus since your son is an adult. I am so sorry you are going through this with your son and your brother. It is very sad. I understand how weird it is to feed them on the holidays and then leave them to their homelessness. However, it is their choice,not yours.</p><p></p><p>If you are not already, you may want to find support for yourself, therapy, NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental illness.........they can be accessed online and have wonderful courses for parents. There are 12 step groups if he is a substance abuser, al anon, if he is abusing drugs, narc anon, or codependents anonymous or family anonymous. Many here have found them all to be helpful and comforting.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may want to read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. There are many resources to help you learn how to detach, accept what is, and lead a relatively normal and peaceful life in spite of what your only child is doing. I have an only child who is similarly lost and I have had to make hard choices around that in order to find peace.</p><p></p><p>You didn't cause this, you can't change it, you can't fix it........ all you can do is learn how to let go of what you can't control. Or it will ruin your life too. It is very difficult to detach from our kids, but there really is no alternative when <em>they</em> will not change. All other choices in that case are enabling and that is unhealthy for him and for you.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us. Keep posting it helps a lot. It helps a lot to be heard and to be among others who really understand. I wish you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 612499, member: 13542"] Geehwiz, welcome. You have posted on another's thread. If you post this on your own thread, more people will find you. Stay in Parent Emeritus since your son is an adult. I am so sorry you are going through this with your son and your brother. It is very sad. I understand how weird it is to feed them on the holidays and then leave them to their homelessness. However, it is their choice,not yours. If you are not already, you may want to find support for yourself, therapy, NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental illness.........they can be accessed online and have wonderful courses for parents. There are 12 step groups if he is a substance abuser, al anon, if he is abusing drugs, narc anon, or codependents anonymous or family anonymous. Many here have found them all to be helpful and comforting. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may want to read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. There are many resources to help you learn how to detach, accept what is, and lead a relatively normal and peaceful life in spite of what your only child is doing. I have an only child who is similarly lost and I have had to make hard choices around that in order to find peace. You didn't cause this, you can't change it, you can't fix it........ all you can do is learn how to let go of what you can't control. Or it will ruin your life too. It is very difficult to detach from our kids, but there really is no alternative when [I]they[/I] will not change. All other choices in that case are enabling and that is unhealthy for him and for you. I'm glad you found us. Keep posting it helps a lot. It helps a lot to be heard and to be among others who really understand. I wish you peace. [/QUOTE]
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If you don't detach from your adult difficult children.......
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