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I'm 14 mom I can do what I want!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 52979" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Having lived with a kid who was impossible from 12-17, one thing I would definitely change is how strict I tried to be. It didn't work, and it caused her to shut down more. If I'd been you (after all I've learned)I would not have talked to him in front of his friends--I don't think leaving a rec dance, as long as he was right outside, is a big deal. Yes, I used to think that if my daughter wasn't 100% where she said she was, she was dead wrong and I was right, but I changed my mind after talking to her now that she is a reformed adult who sees that she did many things wrong. I think we do need to have some leeway, especially with kids like this. If he'd been ten blocks away, smoking dope, I'd have hauled his <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> into the car, but no longer would I punish for this sort of thing. I found it not helpful at all and just made her friends think I was a witch, which made them unwilling to help me when she was truly missing (and this behavior accelerated, even though I was Ms. StrictAsTheyCome. So I'd do it differently for my kid if I had to do it over again. </p><p>On the "I hate you" rants, I ignored them. I knew she probably did hate me for the moment, but that she loved me and that didn't get anywhere with me--I was good at not letting her out-of-control ravings get to me too badly (can't say they didn't hurt at all). Fortunately, she didn't have an "other parent" to play against me or I'm sure she would have.</p><p>I agree with learning all you can about bipolar. I'd buy and memorize "The bipolar Child" by Dimitri and Janice Papalous. It explains A LOT, which, in my opinion, helps. I hope this blows over and that things settle down. Hugs :smile:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 52979, member: 1550"] Having lived with a kid who was impossible from 12-17, one thing I would definitely change is how strict I tried to be. It didn't work, and it caused her to shut down more. If I'd been you (after all I've learned)I would not have talked to him in front of his friends--I don't think leaving a rec dance, as long as he was right outside, is a big deal. Yes, I used to think that if my daughter wasn't 100% where she said she was, she was dead wrong and I was right, but I changed my mind after talking to her now that she is a reformed adult who sees that she did many things wrong. I think we do need to have some leeway, especially with kids like this. If he'd been ten blocks away, smoking dope, I'd have hauled his :censored: into the car, but no longer would I punish for this sort of thing. I found it not helpful at all and just made her friends think I was a witch, which made them unwilling to help me when she was truly missing (and this behavior accelerated, even though I was Ms. StrictAsTheyCome. So I'd do it differently for my kid if I had to do it over again. On the "I hate you" rants, I ignored them. I knew she probably did hate me for the moment, but that she loved me and that didn't get anywhere with me--I was good at not letting her out-of-control ravings get to me too badly (can't say they didn't hurt at all). Fortunately, she didn't have an "other parent" to play against me or I'm sure she would have. I agree with learning all you can about bipolar. I'd buy and memorize "The bipolar Child" by Dimitri and Janice Papalous. It explains A LOT, which, in my opinion, helps. I hope this blows over and that things settle down. Hugs [img]:smile:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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