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I'm back from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 339664" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>A, </p><p> </p><p>I want to tell you something I know about suicidal thoughts. Because I've been there. This is something I do understand. It's not anything I acted on, but fortunately for me I've had experiences that have given me insight to be able to offer some help. I believe there are different levels of depression. I see and read from ladies here and some of what I've read I related to right away. Other types? I couldn't even begin to share my life experiences because I wouldn't wish those days on anyone. Then there are still other times when it was so dark and so void of anything and empty almost matterless - that others have come here, written about it and I thought OH MY GOSH - I'm not alone in feeling like that. THAT was the incredible part of knowing that I was going to be okay eventually. That it was okay to feel like everything was such a pit, dark and hopeless. A few Christmases ago? I didn't even get out of bed for days and honestly had it not been for coming hear and reading Witz' post? I don't know if I would have made it. Then I read a post from Flutter about her depression and I thought...Star, you aren't the only one that gets like this. Wow. This isn't normal, but it's not so abnormal that you're the only one in the world that ever feels this sad. Look at right HERE in your own group of friends - TWO other women...TWO....struggling with their own problems but describing the blackness about the same way you feel. </p><p> </p><p>To me? It was incredible. I'm sure there are even more people out here that feel time to time the same way too, but don't post for whatever reason - fear that someone will think they're crazy or recognize them, or that if they write it, then it's out there and once it's out they'd have to deal with it. Hard to say what anyone feels, but the beauty of having friends here is that no two people are going to give or say or feel the same about what you are doing. Similar? yes. But since we're all different, had different backgrounds, experiences, lives, upbringings - we all bring something different to this table of ours. We learn from each other. Along the way? I'd like to think we help each other too. If you don't share? How do you help? Maybe what you share now is helping someone else afraid to speak out. You just never know. </p><p> </p><p>As far as the suicide attempt? When I was on Zoloft it was pretty wild. I can remember when I first started taking it? It was great. I actually thought I KNEW why people took drugs. I FELT like I was flying, happy, laughed for days about nothing and everything. After about a week? I leveled off. After about three months? I was conscience that I was planning how to hang myself. I was NOT going to go through with it, but I was planning it. That was the interesting thing I discussed in therapy. I was open about it -very. I told my therapist I did not want to die. I just was enjoying the visualization and planning. Nothing about after ever entered my mind either. Just how to. So it wasnt for attention. When I admitted it? I got ahold of the doctor the next day and weaned off. The thoughts disappeared and I was glad to have had the insight - but never want it again. It was almost enjoyable. Almost. The therapist said that the planning gave me an outlet, it gave me something to look forward to - plans do that. It gave me an escape from the depression so maybe you can take from this - that knowledge and use it for good. </p><p> </p><p>You ....need a goal. You need some plans, you need something to take up your time instead of this all consuming worry about your eating and weight. I was wondering...as a thought. I'm on a scheduled routine for eating and it keeps my weight down. I am on a strict time schedule and have counted snacks and calories. It keeps my weight maintained. If you were to maybe work on a schedule like that do you suppose it would balance your life with nutrition and take care of that aspect for you and then free you up to do the things that are important to you and allow you to work on your goals and hobbies? </p><p> </p><p>No more forced pizza and such? I mean you would have specific pre-packaged snacks for yourself that were just for you, and then get on with your business? I ask because since I've been doing this type of maintenance I'm actually not gaining at all. Just maintining. Actually for me? I've been loosing but I started out overweight with a borderline diabetes problem. 1200 calories a day sugar free...and I'm looking pretty sexy too. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> Confidence is up.....feeling better. Not as depressed. </p><p> </p><p>Anything like this sound appealing? I'm not sure what ideas they sent you home with but I don't want to see you do Klonopin and Seroquel ....and not wake up. (Would it help if I told you taking those again like you did would pack on 1000 lbs?) okay - BAD joke. Sorry. ahem...spankin' myself. </p><p> </p><p>Seriously - I'm here. We all are. You tell me what you need and I'll do my level best to help you. How about....you gain an ounce I'll loose 1lb? Now that's motivation. You have no idea how hard that would be fore ME.....(I happen to LOVE pizza) ....<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> </p><p> </p><p>Hugs to you & Lots of Love - I know you are doing your best. </p><p>I have your card RIGHT HERE....and it says F R I E N D S...<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p>(want me to sing my song again?) lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 339664, member: 4964"] A, I want to tell you something I know about suicidal thoughts. Because I've been there. This is something I do understand. It's not anything I acted on, but fortunately for me I've had experiences that have given me insight to be able to offer some help. I believe there are different levels of depression. I see and read from ladies here and some of what I've read I related to right away. Other types? I couldn't even begin to share my life experiences because I wouldn't wish those days on anyone. Then there are still other times when it was so dark and so void of anything and empty almost matterless - that others have come here, written about it and I thought OH MY GOSH - I'm not alone in feeling like that. THAT was the incredible part of knowing that I was going to be okay eventually. That it was okay to feel like everything was such a pit, dark and hopeless. A few Christmases ago? I didn't even get out of bed for days and honestly had it not been for coming hear and reading Witz' post? I don't know if I would have made it. Then I read a post from Flutter about her depression and I thought...Star, you aren't the only one that gets like this. Wow. This isn't normal, but it's not so abnormal that you're the only one in the world that ever feels this sad. Look at right HERE in your own group of friends - TWO other women...TWO....struggling with their own problems but describing the blackness about the same way you feel. To me? It was incredible. I'm sure there are even more people out here that feel time to time the same way too, but don't post for whatever reason - fear that someone will think they're crazy or recognize them, or that if they write it, then it's out there and once it's out they'd have to deal with it. Hard to say what anyone feels, but the beauty of having friends here is that no two people are going to give or say or feel the same about what you are doing. Similar? yes. But since we're all different, had different backgrounds, experiences, lives, upbringings - we all bring something different to this table of ours. We learn from each other. Along the way? I'd like to think we help each other too. If you don't share? How do you help? Maybe what you share now is helping someone else afraid to speak out. You just never know. As far as the suicide attempt? When I was on Zoloft it was pretty wild. I can remember when I first started taking it? It was great. I actually thought I KNEW why people took drugs. I FELT like I was flying, happy, laughed for days about nothing and everything. After about a week? I leveled off. After about three months? I was conscience that I was planning how to hang myself. I was NOT going to go through with it, but I was planning it. That was the interesting thing I discussed in therapy. I was open about it -very. I told my therapist I did not want to die. I just was enjoying the visualization and planning. Nothing about after ever entered my mind either. Just how to. So it wasnt for attention. When I admitted it? I got ahold of the doctor the next day and weaned off. The thoughts disappeared and I was glad to have had the insight - but never want it again. It was almost enjoyable. Almost. The therapist said that the planning gave me an outlet, it gave me something to look forward to - plans do that. It gave me an escape from the depression so maybe you can take from this - that knowledge and use it for good. You ....need a goal. You need some plans, you need something to take up your time instead of this all consuming worry about your eating and weight. I was wondering...as a thought. I'm on a scheduled routine for eating and it keeps my weight down. I am on a strict time schedule and have counted snacks and calories. It keeps my weight maintained. If you were to maybe work on a schedule like that do you suppose it would balance your life with nutrition and take care of that aspect for you and then free you up to do the things that are important to you and allow you to work on your goals and hobbies? No more forced pizza and such? I mean you would have specific pre-packaged snacks for yourself that were just for you, and then get on with your business? I ask because since I've been doing this type of maintenance I'm actually not gaining at all. Just maintining. Actually for me? I've been loosing but I started out overweight with a borderline diabetes problem. 1200 calories a day sugar free...and I'm looking pretty sexy too. :winking: Confidence is up.....feeling better. Not as depressed. Anything like this sound appealing? I'm not sure what ideas they sent you home with but I don't want to see you do Klonopin and Seroquel ....and not wake up. (Would it help if I told you taking those again like you did would pack on 1000 lbs?) okay - BAD joke. Sorry. ahem...spankin' myself. Seriously - I'm here. We all are. You tell me what you need and I'll do my level best to help you. How about....you gain an ounce I'll loose 1lb? Now that's motivation. You have no idea how hard that would be fore ME.....(I happen to LOVE pizza) ....:raspberry-tounge: Hugs to you & Lots of Love - I know you are doing your best. I have your card RIGHT HERE....and it says F R I E N D S...:happy: (want me to sing my song again?) lol [/QUOTE]
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