keista
New Member
My first clue to DD1's depression was her boredom. It was incessant, it was constant, and it was exhausting. Young kids (5-7yo) do have a hard time figuring out things to so I would try to direct her, give 100s of suggestions, get involved 1 on 1 with crafts and activities, but her interest only lasted a few minutes. (It's not ADD T.O.V.A confirmed. did I get the letters in the right order?)
It dawned on me that she was indeed depressed - nothing was bringing her joy. She sampled activity after activity trying to find joy, happiness, pleasure, but it kept eluding her. Once I got her on medications that seemed to take away her other symptoms, the chronic boredom went away. She would still occasionally "sample" activities, but would more easily come up with ideas on her own and eventually find something to do. I also trained myself to limit my suggestions when she came to me with "I'm bored, give me something to do" It became manageable, and she was learning to deal with her own depression, and I was learning to guide her through her depression, and the "I'm bored's" became far and few between.
So, after tweaking her medications because she was experiencing intense breakthrough episodes, we're back to chronic boredom and still having intense breakthrough episodes.
This past week she's been focused on learning to use the sewing machine. Through no fault of hers or mine, we've had delays - mom's sick, needle broke etc. So she's been "trying" to find something else to occupy her time without success. I finally was able to get it all set up and show her the ropes this morning. Her first project was a simple round throw pillow. She took her time, making the pattern, cutting out the pieces, painstaking-ling pinning it together (I don't have patience for that I was pleasantly surprised that she did) Watching me show her all about the machine, then sewing it herself, turning it, stuffing it, and since closing seemed really tricky, she watched me finish it off for her. Took about two hours. Once she was done, the "I'm bored's" set in again. I finally suggested she make another pillow in a different shape - would be cool to have a bunch of these on her bed. She liked the idea and started off, but then came back and told me there wasn't enough stuffing. Well, I told her she could start, and we could finish when I got more. "Nah" (by the way this is the type of 'perfectionism' I suffer from - if I don't have EVERYTHING I need for a task, I just don't start. I'm aware of it in myself and the kids and we are all actively working on it) I backed off because I do believe it's the depression back, not the perfectionism issue, and I've been walking on eggshells this weekend trying to reduce anxiety and conflict and keep the intense episodes at bay as much as possible.
Needless to say, she is so bored that she's not even interested in playing on the easy child or watching TV. Not her favorite activities anyway, but ones she will settle into on "good" days.
I have a little insight to what "normal" is because DD2 most resembles a "normal" child. She does get bored on occasion, but with a few suggestions she usually finds something to occupy her time. Due to finances being tight, we don't go out and do a heck of a lot. I try to have and provide lots of games (including video), crafts, outdoor and park time, books, etc. I also make sure to include myself - where appropriate.
I think my problem here is that I have no idea what would constitute "normal" Dad raised us girls alone, and never did anything WITH us. (turns out he's and Aspie so I've stopped faulting him) To me this feels normal, but I know it isn't, so I often have to remind myself to be more involved with the kids, and think I'm in an OK place finding a balance of involvement and letting them do their own thing but I just don't KNOW.
So, my questions are, "How much "I'm bored" is normal? and What does a "normal" child do on a regular day?" Hopefully some of you with pcs can offer some insight.
It dawned on me that she was indeed depressed - nothing was bringing her joy. She sampled activity after activity trying to find joy, happiness, pleasure, but it kept eluding her. Once I got her on medications that seemed to take away her other symptoms, the chronic boredom went away. She would still occasionally "sample" activities, but would more easily come up with ideas on her own and eventually find something to do. I also trained myself to limit my suggestions when she came to me with "I'm bored, give me something to do" It became manageable, and she was learning to deal with her own depression, and I was learning to guide her through her depression, and the "I'm bored's" became far and few between.
So, after tweaking her medications because she was experiencing intense breakthrough episodes, we're back to chronic boredom and still having intense breakthrough episodes.
This past week she's been focused on learning to use the sewing machine. Through no fault of hers or mine, we've had delays - mom's sick, needle broke etc. So she's been "trying" to find something else to occupy her time without success. I finally was able to get it all set up and show her the ropes this morning. Her first project was a simple round throw pillow. She took her time, making the pattern, cutting out the pieces, painstaking-ling pinning it together (I don't have patience for that I was pleasantly surprised that she did) Watching me show her all about the machine, then sewing it herself, turning it, stuffing it, and since closing seemed really tricky, she watched me finish it off for her. Took about two hours. Once she was done, the "I'm bored's" set in again. I finally suggested she make another pillow in a different shape - would be cool to have a bunch of these on her bed. She liked the idea and started off, but then came back and told me there wasn't enough stuffing. Well, I told her she could start, and we could finish when I got more. "Nah" (by the way this is the type of 'perfectionism' I suffer from - if I don't have EVERYTHING I need for a task, I just don't start. I'm aware of it in myself and the kids and we are all actively working on it) I backed off because I do believe it's the depression back, not the perfectionism issue, and I've been walking on eggshells this weekend trying to reduce anxiety and conflict and keep the intense episodes at bay as much as possible.
Needless to say, she is so bored that she's not even interested in playing on the easy child or watching TV. Not her favorite activities anyway, but ones she will settle into on "good" days.
I have a little insight to what "normal" is because DD2 most resembles a "normal" child. She does get bored on occasion, but with a few suggestions she usually finds something to occupy her time. Due to finances being tight, we don't go out and do a heck of a lot. I try to have and provide lots of games (including video), crafts, outdoor and park time, books, etc. I also make sure to include myself - where appropriate.
I think my problem here is that I have no idea what would constitute "normal" Dad raised us girls alone, and never did anything WITH us. (turns out he's and Aspie so I've stopped faulting him) To me this feels normal, but I know it isn't, so I often have to remind myself to be more involved with the kids, and think I'm in an OK place finding a balance of involvement and letting them do their own thing but I just don't KNOW.
So, my questions are, "How much "I'm bored" is normal? and What does a "normal" child do on a regular day?" Hopefully some of you with pcs can offer some insight.